


Healing the Divide

by secamimom



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Character Death, Family Drama, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-30
Updated: 2012-07-30
Packaged: 2017-11-11 01:45:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 61,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/473083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secamimom/pseuds/secamimom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can Bella and Edward heal their relationship once tragedy strikes?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I've always had a pretty wonderful life. I grew up in the small town of Forks, Washington. I was born to Charlie and Renee Swan. They loved each other with a passion that I could only hope for.

Forks was one of those small towns where everyone knew each other. We lived on a street full of two story houses with white picket fences. All of the neighborhood kids would play at each others houses and have sleepovers. My best friends were the Cullen's. They lived across the street from me basically my whole life. I can remember the day they moved in like it was yesterday.

_I sat on my front porch playing with my latest obsession, My Little Ponies. I was brushing the hair of one of the horses when I heard a loud rumble. I looked up and saw a large moving truck backing up to the house across the street. A station wagon pulled up in the driveway and parked beside the truck._

_I watched as the family got out of their car. An auburn haired woman and blonde haired man opened the back doors and two kids, that appeared to be my age, got out. The two of them, more so the girl than the boy, talked very excitedly to what I assumed to be their parents._

_I was a bit taken aback by the color of the boys hair. I compared it to that of a shiny, new penny. Looking my way and smiling, their mother bent down to say something to them. The both nodded their heads and made their way over to where I was._

_I stood up and brushed the dirt from my pants. I had a huge smile on my face, I am sure. There weren't many girls around here to play with and I was excited to finally have one to play with._

_"Hi. My name is Alice. And this is my brother Edward," she said, smiling the whole time._

_"My name is Bella," I said, returning the smile._

From that day forward we remained inseparable. Alice and I were the best of friends. Edward and I were also friends, but there was something else there, something that neither of us understood until we were teenagers.

We started dating while in high school and fell in love. We went to college together and returned to Forks after graduation.

My mother lived long enough to see Edward and me get married. She passed away not long after, of breast cancer. My father has yet to move on. He believes my mother was his one and only true love. I agree.

I looked down at the little hand holding mine. Elizabeth Renee Cullen. She's six years old and is the light of my life. She was born almost one year exactly to the date of my mothers death. I just wish she was able to meet her. But I know my mother is the one that sent her to me, she sent Elizabeth to help heal my heart with her beautiful spirit.

Lizzie is the spitting image of her father. She has his copper colored hair and piercing green eyes. Not only does she look like her father, she wants to be like him as well. And that's why we are out today; she wants to take piano lesson and play piano like her daddy. We went by Ms. Cope's office to see about setting her up for lessons. After that, we both decided to treat ourselves to some ice cream.

I walked down the street, browsing through windows, while Lizzie licked her ice cream cone and skipped along beside me. I looked over at her and smiled. She's so full of energy and love. She's the light of our lives. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

Letting go of Lizzie's hand, I looked at her and told her to stay right beside me. She gave me her beautiful half smile that reminds me so much of Edward, and nodded her head, continuing to eat her ice cream.

"Hello," I said, flipping open my phone, not even looking at the caller i.d.

"Hey sweetheart," Edward said from the other line, "how are my girls today?" I smiled and felt the familiar tightening in my chest when he called us 'his girls'. That is something Edward has always called us. Most men would have wanted to have a son. But not Edward Cullen. Nope, he was proud to have a Daddy's Little Girl. He loved her with his whole heart, as she did him. She was named after his biological mother that died when he was three. Both of his parents were killed in a car accident. He was adopted right after that by Carlisle and Esme.

"Well, we went by Ms. Cope's office and set up Lizzie's piano lessons. They will be on Tuesday's and Thursday's at five o'clock. She's so excited. She can't wait to play piano like Daddy." And that was true. Lizzie wants to play piano like daddy. She wants to be a doctor like Daddy and her Papa Carlisle, anything Daddy does, Lizzie wants to do too.

"That's great, Love. I am so glad she has my love for music. But why I was calling, I have a surgery coming up in a bit and I am going to have to stay a little later today than expected. So, why don't you girls go ahead and have dinner without me and I will be home as soon as I can." I completely understood. Edward sometimes has to stay at work late. That's the life of a surgeon. He loves his job and I knew exactly what I was getting into when I married him. He always makes time for us though, so I don't mind.

"Okay, I'll pick something up at the market and will have it warming for you when you get in," I told him.

"Thank you, Baby. I will let you go now. Give Lizzie kisses for me. I love you," he said.

"Love you too," I said, before disconnecting the line. I glanced to my side, Lizzie wasn't there. My heart began to beat rapidly in my chest as I realized my daughter was missing.


	2. Chapter 2

"Elizabeth Renee Cullen, don't you dare get that playdoh on your dress. Your aunt Alice will get you and me both," I said to my daughter. She was sitting at our dining room table playing with the playdoh set her classmates gave her at school yesterday. I walked over to the table and began to clean up some of the bits of clay that had gotten carelessly thrown to the side.

"Why don't you go ahead and start putting this away? Your party guests will be arriving in a bit and you need to go wash your hands." She pouted a bit at first but once she heard the mention of her birthday party, her face lit up and she began putting the playdoh away.

After she went upstairs to clean herself up, I went back into the kitchen to finish frosting the cupcakes. Lizzie had requested lady bug cupcakes since that's what her aunts and uncles always called her.

I had just finished plating the final cupcakes when I heard the front door open and shut. I knew who it was without even turning around. I felt an arm go around my waist and pull me tightly towards them.

"Hello, Love. Mmmm, you smell good," Edward said, placing a kiss on the skin behind my ear. I laughed and turned around in his arms.

"I don't think that's me. I think it's the cupcakes," I smiled, placing a quick kiss on his lips. He leaned around me and swiped his finger in the bowl of icing and brought it to his mouth to lick off.

"Hmmmm," he said, smiling, "you might be right." We both turned toward the door when we heard running and squealing.

"Daddy!!! You're home, finally," Lizzie said, jumping into her fathers arms. He held her tightly to him and she giggled with delight.

"I told you I would be home in time for your party, Baby Girl. I made a promise and what does Daddy say about his promises?" he asked her, standing her back down on the floor.

"Daddy doesn't break promises. It's against the rules," she grinned widely at us both.

"That's right, Munchkin," I said, walking over to the counter. "Lizzie, why don't you go in the living room and put a video in while your dad and I start putting the food out in the dining room?"

Before I could even get the sentence completely out, Lizzie had skipped out of the kitchen, headed towards the living room. Edward and I turned and looked at each other and just laughed.

"Babe, why on Earth did you make so much food? It's only going to be family here tonight, right?" Edward asked me, eyeballing all the food on the counter. I had finger sandwiches, chips, cheese doodles, a cheese ball with crackers, meatballs, a veggie platter and a meat platter. And not to mention the two platters filled with cupcakes.

"Edward, you do remember our family consists of Emmett, right?" I said to him walking towards the door with some of the food. He looked at the counter full of food then back at me before laughing.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. We might not have enough." Edward and I made several trips from the kitchen to the dining room and finally had all the food set out. There were red and black balloons everywhere. Earlier in the day, I had attached streamers from the chandelier to the walls. The dining room was now fit for a princess. Our princess.

After about five minutes of tidying up the living room, there was a knock at the door. Edward and Lizzie walked over together and answered it.

"Lizzie B! How's my favorite birthday girl?"

"Uncle Emmett," she cried, jumping into his arms. Emmett and Edward had been roommates in college and had remained close ever since. He might not be blood related to us, but he was still family in every sense of the word. Rose, Emmett's wife, walked in behind him. She was smiling at the interaction between Emmett and Lizzie. They were expecting their first child, a girl, in a few months.

"How is the mommy to be doing?" I asked Rose, reaching over to hug her. She had the slightest baby bump that had now begun to finally show.

"Pretty good. The morning sickness has finally subsided," she answered as we all walked into the dining room. She placed the gift bag that she was holding on the table I had set up for gifts and walked over to where Lizzie had sat down.

"How's my Ladybug doing today? Did you have a nice day at school?" Lizzie began talking with Rose as I made my way to the door again after someone had knocked.

"Hey Bella," Jasper said, when I opened the door. He had a huge present wrapped in the prettiest pink, sparkly paper I had ever seen. That had to have been Alice's doing.

"Doing just fine, Jasper," I said ushering the final guests inside. Looks like everyone had arrived at just about the same time. Jasper walked in and placed the present with the others. Alice gave me a quick hug and made her way inside. Carlisle and Esme followed behind them. And then there was one.

"Hey Daddy," I said, giving Charlie a big hug. These events were still so hard for him. He wanted desperately to have my mom by his side, as did I.

"Pretty good, Baby Girl," he said, handing me a gift bag, "I had no idea what to get her. I hope she likes it." I smiled at him and ushered him inside.

"I am sure she will. After all, it's from her Grandpa Charlie." He just laughed and nodded his head. We walked into the dining room and everyone was mingling and chatting away.

"Okay everybody," Emmett said, "Let's eat!" We all just shook our heads and laughed.

~*~*~*~

After everyone had their fill of food and cupcakes, we made our way to sit in the living room. Lizzie had declared it was time to open presents. She sat down on the couch, in between Edward and I, while everyone handed her their present.

Of course, Emmett wanted to be first. He handed her the gift from he and Rose, and stepped back with a huge smile on his face. Lizzie pulled the tissue paper out and tossed it behind us. She pulled out a long, black, velvet box. She let the bag drop to the floor and laid the box gently down in her lap. Lifting the lid, I gasped when I saw what was inside. It was a silver charm bracelet. One charm was a ladybug, of course. The other was a silver heart engraved with "Lizzie B". She handed me the box and jumped off the couch quickly.

"Uncle Emmett," she said, jumping into his arms again," Thank you! It's beautiful." He hugged her tightly and then placed her back down on the floor. She walked over to Rose and hugged her just as tightly, but with not as much enthusiasm due to the belly. We had taught her that early on.

"Thank you Aunt Rose," she said, hugging her. Rose had tears in her eyes.

"You are very welcome, Ladybug. I knew how much you liked to look at my charms on my bracelet, so I thought we could get you one of your own." Lizzie came and sat back down in between us, accepting the next gift from Alice and Jasper. The box was so big that it had to sit on the floor in front of the couch. Lizzie acted like she didn't want to rip the pretty paper, but after some nudging from her daddy, she ripped into it. Suddenly, there were squeals of delight. They had gotten her the doll house that she had been eying for a while now.

She, once again launched herself off of the couch and thanked Alice and Jasper for the gift. Edward pushed it to the side while reading some of the wording on the box.

"Hey Jasper," he said, looking away from the box," it says some assembly required. I don't think I want to know how much some is, do I?" We all laughed and said probably not.

The next gift was from Carlisle and Esme. They placed a gift bad into Lizzie's lap and she ripped into this one, equally as excited. She pulled out a creme colored duffel bag with hot pink straps. The front had her name monogrammed on it.

"It's for when you want to stay the night at Papa and Nana's. You have your own bag to bring now," Esme told her, smiling at her granddaughter. Lizzie got up from the couch and thanked them.

"Thank you Nana Esme," she said, hugging her tightly. She then walked over to Carlisle and hugged him saying, "Thank you Papa C." She had called him this since learning to speak. We never tried to alter it and neither had he. She walked back over to the couch and Charlie handed her his bag.

She smiled up at Charlie and reached into the bag. She pulled out a pink fishing pole and tackle box and squealed with delight once again. She stood up, directly on the couch and launched herself into Charlie's arms. He was shocked but hugged her to him tightly.

"Thank you so much, Grandpa Charlie! I love it. Now I can go fishing with you on the boat down at La Push." She was talking animatedly with her hands as Charlie sat her back down. He looked at me and became flustered.

"I don't know Lizzie. I think that would be up to your mom and dad," he said, and she immediately turned to Edward and me.

"Please, please, please daddy. Can I go fishing with Grandpa Charlie? Mommy, you used to go all the time when you were little. I have never been and I really want to go," I looked over to Edward and he just nodded his head. I smiled at him and then turned to look at our daughter.

"Of course you can sweetheart. The next time Grandpa Charlie goes, you can go with him, as long as he doesn't mind," I said, looking at my dad and raising my eyebrows in question.

"I was planning on going next Sunday, if that is alright with you." I just looked at him and nodded my head, as did Edward. Lizzie hugged the three of us in thanks. She sat back down between us and Edward handed her an envelope.

"This is from me and Mommy," he told her. Lizzie looked a little confused. She opened the envelope and pulled out a paper. She looked puzzled and looked to Edward.

"Daddy, can you help me read this?" she said pointing at the paper she had pulled from the envelope.

"Sure thing, Baby Girl," he said, and pulled her into his lap. He read her the paper and once she figured out that it was a certificate signing her up for piano lessons she hugged her daddy tightly.

"Thank you so much! You are the best Daddy ever. I can't wait to play piano like you Daddy. It's gonna be so much fun." Edward just laughed and whispered something in her ear. She got off his lap and walked over to me and motioned with her finger for me to lean up to her.

I leaned up and she hugged me tightly and whispered to me. "Thank you so much Mommy. You are the best Mommy in the world too." I told her thank you and looked over to Edward and smiled.

~*~*~*~

While I cleaned up after the party, Edward took Lizzie upstairs to get her bathed and ready for bed. I sent home a lot of the leftovers with Rose and Emmett so that she wouldn't have to worry about cooking the next day, but there was still plenty left. I placed all the food inside storage containers and put them inside the refrigerator. I wrapped up the platter of cupcakes and put them in the refrigerator as well.

I walked into the living room and picked up all the tissue paper and wrapping paper and placed it into the garbage. I pushed her presents to one side of the room. I would put them away tomorrow. I cut off all the lights downstairs and made my way up to tuck my little girl in.

I walked into her bedroom and Edward was laying her down in her bed. She had her favorite Tinker Bell pajamas on and her hair was still a little damp from her bath. I walked over and sat on the bed beside Edward.

"I already told her that you were planning to take her over to Ms. Cope's sometime next week to see about her lessons. She is very excited," Edward said, after kissing me on the cheek.

"Yes, Mommy," Lizzie said, "I am very excited." She let out a big yawn and Edward and I laughed quietly.

"Well, since we have a big day planned for tomorrow, you, my big girl, should get some rest," Edward said, and leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Edward and I decided that since he wasn't able to get off for her actual birthday, we would spend the day tomorrow together.

"Okay Daddy. But Mommy, can stay for a little bit and read me a story?"

"Of course I can baby. But just one, and then you have to go to sleep." She nodded her head at me and reached over to her bedside table. Of course, I already knew which book she was reaching for. Ever since I told her that my mom used to read The Princess and The Pea to me when I was little, it had become a favorite of hers.

She laid down on her pillow and I leaned back against her head board and made myself comfortable. While reading, I looked over at the little girl beside me. She looked so peaceful laying there with not a care in the world. I envied her at times. She didn't have to deal with all the stress of work, money problems or health issues.

After finishing the story, I placed the book back on her bedside table. I thought she was asleep and was startled when she quietly spoke to me.

"Mommy?" she said.

"Yeah baby?" I said, standing beside her bed.

"Do you think Grandma Renee can see us? Do you think that she was watching us at my party tonight?" I smiled at the thought. We had always made sure that we told her about my mother. Whether through pictures or stories that Charlie, Edward and I would tell her, we made sure that she knew as much about one of her namesakes as possible.

"I am sure she was Sweet Girl. I am sure she's always with you," I told her placing a kiss on her forehead and tucking her back in. Before I even made it to her bedroom door, I heard her light snores signaling she was already asleep.

I switched on her nightlight and whispered into the darkness. "Watch after my Baby Girl, Mom."

EPOV

I walked out of our daughter's room and leaned against the door jam and just watched my girls. Lizzie was curled into Bella's side while she read her favorite bedtime story to her. She loved to hear this story even more since finding out that Renee had read it to Bella. I really wished that she could have met her granddaughter. I remember when we found out little Lizzie was on her way.

_"Baby," I said through the door, "are you sure there is nothing I can do for you? I just feel so helpless out here." Bella had been throwing up all week. She thought she had some type of stomach bug. I thought differently. That's why I stood on the other side of the door with a small paper bag in my hand, waiting for her to open up._

_The toilet flushed and I heard the water running as Bella brushed her teeth. A few seconds later, she opened the door and was pale looking. I pulled her to me and rubbed her back gently._

_"I'm sorry, baby. I wish there was something I could do to help," I told her. Being a doctor but still not being able to help your wife really sucks. She pulled away from me and looked down at the bag in my hand. I might as well share with her my theories now._

_"What have you got there?" she asked, as I handed her the bag and motioned for us to sit on the bed. She placed the bag in her lap and opened it up. She pulled the rectangular box out and looked at it and back at me. Her eyes got huge as she continued to look from the box to me._

_"I was thinking that maybe this wasn't so much a stomach bug. Have you thought about that?," I asked her as she continued to stare at the box holding the pregnancy test. She just shook her head._

_"I hadn't even thought of that. Come to think of it, I couldn't tell you the last time I had a regular period. Oh my gosh, Edward! Do you really think that I could be pregnant? Really?" She was so excited now so I prayed to God_ _I was correct in my assumptions. I mean, she's showing all the classic signs....sore breasts, mood swings from hell, morning sickness and now she confirmed the missed period._

_She opened the box and made her way towards the bathroom again. I didn't know if she wanted me in there or not so I stayed on the bed. She stopped in the door way and turned back around to look at me._

_"Are you coming baby?" she asked me. All I could do was nod and smile. Several minutes later we were both sitting on the edge of the bathtub and holding on to each others hands. When the timer went off Bella and I both stood up and moved to the vanity where we had placed the little stick that would now tell us our future._

_"Edward, I can't do it," she said to me, "will you look for me?" I nodded and placed a kiss on her lips. I closed my eyes as my hands gripped the stick. I picked it up and slowly opened my eyes looking down at the small plastic object._

_I looked back up at Bella with a huge smile plastered on my face. She just grinned back at me and I nodded. She jumped up into my arms and wrapped her legs around my waist and held onto me tightly. I hugged her back just as tightly and placed kisses along the column of her neck. I suddenly felt Bella's body begin to tremble and I put her back down on the floor and pulled her away from me to look at her face. Her face was soaked from the tears that had already fallen. But I could tell that these were not happy tears._

_"Baby, what's the matter," I ask her as she sat back down on the edge of the tub. "I thought that this was something you wanted. I know we weren't planning this right away but it happened and I think it could be a good thing."_

_She shook her head at me and continued to sob. Pulling her to me, I gently rubbed her back while she tried to get her breathing under control. After a few minutes she pulled away from me to look in my eyes._

_"I know this is a good thing. I am thrilled to be having your baby Edward. It's just.....I wish my mom was here. It is times like these that I miss her so much." She started back sobbing again and a pulled her down to the floor where I had sat and placed her in my lap._

_"I know baby. I am so sorry that she can't be here right now. But I know that she's watching you. I am sure that she's so happy for us, sweetheart."_

_Later that afternoon we went down to the cemetery and made sure that Renee was the first person we told about our impending arrival._

By the time I had finished my little trip down memory lane, Bella had finished her story to Lizzie and was making her way out of the room. She gently shut the door behind her and grabbed my hand as we walked back to our bedroom.

"I can't believe she's six years old already. It seems like only yesterday that I had her." We walked into our room, pulled back the covers on the bed and climbed inside. Bella laid down beside me and placed her head on my chest. I ran my fingers through her hair slowly.

"I know babe. I remember the night you went into labor. I was thrilled, but scared to death." We both laughed at the memory.

_I was lying in bed sleeping, quite peacefully I might add, when all of the sudden I was practically pushed off the bed. I sat up groggily in bed and looked over at Bella._

_"I think my water just broke. I got up to go pee but never made it and I really don't think I peed on myself." She was talking a mile a minute and it took a few seconds for my brain to actually compute what she was saying. Once it did, I immediately jumped out of bed and was at her side._

_"Okay, lets get you downstairs and in the car. Your bag is already in the trunk so we don't need to worry about that. I will call Charlie and Esme and Alice once we get there and get word from the doctor." I'm sure I was running around like a chicken with my head chopped off, but give me a break, this was my first time._

_About an hour and a half later, we were all prepped in the labor suite and awaiting Alice and Esme's arrival. The doctor had checked Bella, she was four centimeters dilated so she was able to go ahead and get her epidural. She was now resting comfortably in the nice hospital bed while I was scrunched up on this incredibly uncomfortable couch. I was tempted to go downstairs and find the doctors on-call room that I usually rested in while at work but I didn't want to leave Bella. The doctor assured me that she still had quite a ways to go, and I knew that, but I wanted to stay by her side the entire time._

_Hours later, Esme and Alice had both arrived and we all sat in Bella's suite talking and watching television. Around eight o'clock, Bella asked me to call the doctor in. She said that she suddenly felt the need to push . I rushed out after making sure that Alice and Esme stayed with her, and practically dragged the doctor inside the room. He checked her again and told us that it was time to push._

_After two hours of pushing, Bella was getting so tired. She was doing such a great job, but she was exhausted. I stood beside her, rubbing her head with a cool cloth._

_"Baby, the doctor says just a couple more pushes. You can do this sweetheart. I know you can," I told her. She looked at me with tears in her eyes._

_"I'm so tired Edward. I can't do this anymore. I just want to rest," she collapsed back down to the bed. When she felt another contraction, she sat back up and pushed with all her might again. The doctor looked up at us and smiled widely._

_"Okay Bella. This next push should do it. I want you to put that chin down to your chest and push with all you have," the doctor told us. Bella was laying back down on the bed now and was crying._

_"What's the matter baby? You're almost done. Not much longer and we can meet our daughter," I told her, smoothing her damp hair away from her face. She continued crying._

_"_ _I know, I know. It's just so hard. I look at your mom here for us and I can't help but wish that Renee was standing beside her. I miss her so much right now," she said as she sat up. I looked over at my mom, her eyes were filled with tears. She bent down and whispered something in Bella's ear, Bella smiled weakly at her and nodded._

_With one final push, our daughter came into this world. After I cut the cord, she was placed gently on Bella's chest. I rubbed her little hand, she grabbed hold of my finger as tight as her little hand could. Bella rubbed her cheek with the back of her fingers and said, "Welcome to the world Elizabeth Renee Cullen." She whispered then reached up to kiss me._

I smiled at the memory and looked down at my wife, who was sleeping peacefully in my arms. I gave her a kiss on her head and got myself comfortable. I was such a lucky man to have such a beautiful family.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up the next morning and rolled over to find Edward's side of the bed already empty. I could hear the faint sounds of giggling downstairs. I closed my eyes and smiled. Lizzie loved when her daddy was able to be home with her in the mornings. I'm sure they were in the middle of making an extravagant breakfast which will leave me with a major clean up job. But I don't mind one bit.

After a quick shower, I pulled on some black yoga pants and a t-shirt then made my way downstairs to check on the two of them. I stood in the door way and just took in the site. Edward was still dressed in his pajamas as was Lizzie. They had flour all over their faces and hair as well as all over my kitchen. I don't think there was an inch of counter space that wasn't covered in the white powdery substance. I watched as Edward cut her pancake, he was looking at her with such love and adoration in his eyes. When he was done, he leaned down and gave her a kiss on the forehead. I loved to see the two of them together, so carefree and happy.

"Did any of that flour make it into pancakes you were cooking this morning," I asked them, walking into the kitchen. Lizzie hopped off the stool she had been perched on and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Good morning, Mommy! We made chocolate chip pancakes," Lizzie told me excitedly. She let go of me and got back on the stool to finish eating. I walked over to the coffee pot and poured a cup. Edward came behind me, wrapping his arms around me. He placed a gentle kiss on my neck and I sighed.

"Good morning, Love. Sleep well? " He asked. I turned around and gave him a quick kiss on the lips and took a sip of my coffee.

"Yes, I did. I didn't even hear you get up this morning," I said as I plated my pancakes and poured some syrup on top. Usually I was woken up by Lizzie knocking on our bedroom door bright and early.

"I woke up before you both and decided to wake Lizzie up and get her to help me make breakfast. I kept her busy with me so you could get a little more sleep," he said, finishing his last bite and placing his plate in the sink. He gave me a quick peck on the lips and said he was going to go take a shower.

"You finished, baby girl?" I asked Lizzie as she took the last little bit of pancake into her mouth. She nodded her head to me and I told her to go upstairs and clean up and get dressed while I straightened up the kitchen.

**~*~*~*~*~**

Forty-five minutes later, I had cleaned the kitchen and put all Lizzie's gifts away from the party last night. The two of them came down stairs and looked ready to go. She had on a pair of her dark colored capris and a pink t-shirt that said "I Dazzle". Edward was wearing his faded button fly jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt. It wasn't everyday that I got to see Edward dressed so casually. He was usually in his slacks, a dress shirt and tie. Not that he didn't look good in a button up and tie, but there was something about those button fly jeans that just did me in.

Grabbing my purse, we headed out the door. Since it was rare that Edward had a day off during the weekend, we made plans for the entire day. First thing this morning, we were headed to the park. Later on, we planned on taking Lizzie over to spend part of the evening with Carlisle and Esme so that Edward and I could spend some quality time together. Then, we would pick Lizzie back up and take her home with us for family movie time, at her request.

We pulled into the lot and parked the car. I had to warn Lizzie not to get out yet, because if I knew her, she was chomping at the bit to dash off toward the swings. Once we were all out, we walked hand in hand toward the park. As expected, Lizzie immediately got into one of the swings and begged Edward to push her. He just laughed and moved to stand behind her, and pushed her gently. I just stood back and watched the two of them. It reminded me of days when my dad would push me on the swing set in our backyard until my mom would call us in for dinner.

"Mommy, look! It's a wish flower! Can you get it for me so I can make a wish?" Lizzie asked, as her daddy continued pushing her on the swing. I walked over to the dandelions and plucked one from the grass. I walked over to her as she slowed down and then hopped off. She took the dandelion from me and closed her eyes a moment before blowing the seeds away. She dropped the stem to the ground and giggled as she ran and continued playing.

**~*~*~*~*~**

A couple of hours, three corn dogs and some lemonade later, we were back in the car, headed to Nana Esme's and Papa C's. We stopped back by the house so she could pack some of her toys in her new duffel bag, even though she wasn't spending the night. Carlisle and Esme had plenty of things for her to play with at their place, but she enjoyed taking new things over every once in a while.

We pulled up the long driveway to the house and Lizzie immediately hopped out and made her way to the door. Carlisle opened the door and she jumped into his arms. Edward and I laughed and walked inside behind the two of them.

"Where's mom?" Edward asked Carlisle, as he sat Lizzie's bag by the front door. Carlisle stood Lizzie back down on the floor and pointed toward the kitchen.

"You know your mom. The minute she knew her granddaughter was coming over, she went into overdrive in the kitchen and started baking up a storm. I think she is on her third batch of peanut butter cookies." We all laughed as we walked together into the kitchen. Lizzie was already perched on a stool at the counter with a glass of cold milk and a cookie in her hand. Edward walked over to his mom and hugged her while trying to steal a cookie without her noticing. He failed horribly.

"Edward Anthony, don't you dare steal a cookie. If you want one, all you have to do is ask," she told him turning toward me and hugging me tightly.

"May I please have a cookie Mom?" Edward asked her, already biting the one he had taken from the plate. She nodded her head at him and he just shook his and laughed. Esme and Carlisle both stood by Lizzie now, as she talked animatedly about her morning at the park.

After a few minutes, Edward and I kissed Lizzie good bye and told her we would be back in a few hours to pick her up for family movie night. She was already deeply involved in a tea party with Papa C and barely noticed us leave.

~*~*~*~*~

Edward and I drove in silence back toward home. After a couple of miles, he rested his hand on my thigh and began to rub soothing circles. I looked over at him and he just gave me a mischievous smirk. I knew that look. Edward wanted some. And I am not going to lie, I did too. Over the past few months we had had sex numerous times, sometimes more than once a day. We were trying to have another baby. But most of those times had been quickies where we were both practically fully clothed and lasted only mere minutes. This afternoon was going to be different and I was going to make sure of that.

I moved my hand to Edward's lap and slowly inched my way up his thigh. Both of his hands were now on the steering wheel and were clutching it so tightly that his knuckles were white. I moved my hand up his thigh to grip his length and he let out what can only be described as a growl.

"Bella," he said in a warning tone. I kept my hand in place, looked up at him and licked my lips slowly. He moaned loudly as I began to rub my hand up and down his hardness.

"Bella," he begged, "please, can you wait until we get home. I don't think cumming in my pants would be very beneficial to baby making." I moved my hand and leaned over and gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"Fine. You're right. Just hurry," I told him. Edward smirked at me again and dropped the car into a lower gear. I watched as the needle on the dash kept rising.

**EPOV**

"Damn, baby," I said, pushing Bella against the door of our bedroom, " I need you so fucking bad." Once Bella had pulled that little stunt in the car, I punched the gas and made it home in half the time it usually took. We left a trail of clothing behind us, beginning at the front door and ending right outside our bedroom. She was now standing in front of me completely naked, as was I.

I pulled her away from the door and led her over to our bed. Once the back of her knees hit the bed, she lowered herself down, scooted to the middle of the bed and laid back. I planned on taking my time tonight. The past few months had been full of quick encounters and rushed love making. Don't get me wrong, I loved them but I wanted to make tonight all about being slow and sensual.

I lowered myself to where I was hovering above her and took one of her nipples into my mouth. I sucked gently on it while my hand massaged her other breast. I pulled away and gently blew on the now moistened skin. Bella moaned and arched her back off the bed. I moved over to her other nipple and repeated my actions. Bella continued to moan as she ran her fingers through my hair.

I ran my hand down her body and let my fingers gently graze her heat. I kissed and nibbled her neck while my fingers rubbed small circles around her clit.

"So wet for me baby," I whispered in her ear. I slowly pushed two fingers inside her and she moaned in pleasure. I pushed my fingers in and out and reveled in the sounds my Bella was making.

"God, Edward. So good....feels so good." She tugged at my hair and pulled me to her mouth. I kissed her passionately as my thumb continued rubbing her clit.

"Please Edward, please," she begged me. I smiled into her neck, knowing she was going crazy with lust. I knew exactly what buttons to push with her and tonight I planned to do just that.

"Please what baby? Tell me what you want. You know I will give you anything," I said to her, continuing to push my fingers in and out of her.

"God, Edward. Please, please make love to me," she moaned. I pulled my fingers out and kissed my way up her body. I settled myself in between her legs and gently pushed into her. We both moaned in pleasure at the sensation of my filling her completely. She wrapped her legs around me and used her heels to push me further into her. I pulled out, almost completely and then thrust into her again.

The only sounds in the room were the moans coming from us as we took pleasure in each other's bodies. I could feel Bella tightening around me as she neared her climax. I was so close as well but I didn't want to reach orgasm without her. I reached a hand down and rubbed her clit as I continued thrusting into her.

"Bella, I need you to cum for me baby. I need to feel you tighten around me as you fall over the edge. Cum for me baby," I said and pinched her clit with my fingers. And with that, I felt Bella clench around me, dragging me into ecstasy with her. I let my body fall to the bed, carefully keeping my weight off of her. We both lay there, panting and out of breath. She nibbled gently at my ear and whispered "Wanna take a shower with me?"

**~*~*~*~*~**

Two hours and another round in the shower later, Bella and I were pulling into the driveway at my parents. We walked hand in hand up the steps and through the door. We were met with Lizzie riding my father's back through the entryway as my mom walked behind them trying to coax her down. Bella and I laughed as my father collapsed onto the couch on his stomach.

Lizzie climbed off when she saw her mom and I standing there. She jumped into my arms and hugged me tightly.

"Daddy, you're back! Is it time to go home and watch a movie now?" she asked me as I placed her back down on her feet.

"It sure is Munchkin," Bella told her as she picked up her bag by the front door. Lizzie hugged her Nana and Papa goodbye and we made our way back to the car, ready for a night of movies and popcorn with our Little Princess.

When we got home, I told my girls to go and change into some pajamas while I popped some popcorn. I fixed up some drinks and put the popcorn in a large bowl and walked into the living room. Lizzie and Bella came downstairs moments later giggling quietly about something.

"Okay baby girl, tonight is your choice. What movie shall we watch?" I asked her. Lizzie walked over to the shelf full of movies and studied them closely. After a few moments, she pulled one of them out and walked over to Bella and me.

"You sure? We've seen this one probably one hundred times. This is the one you want to watch?" Bella asked her. Lizzie nodded enthusiastically and I took the movie from her and loaded it into the player. We were watching Enchanted for the millionth time. My baby girl loved her fairy tale princess movies and who am I to deny her.

The three of us sat on the couch, bundled together under our blanket, munching on popcorn. I kept taking glances at Lizzie and she was yawning pretty big at times. I knew it wouldn't be long before she was out for the count. And as I had guessed, about fifteen minutes later, she was out cold. I nudged Bella with my hand that had been draped across the back of the couch only to realize she had fallen asleep too.

I chuckled to myself quietly and got up to stop the movie. I took the bowl of popcorn to the kitchen, along with the cups we had used. I walked back into the living room and pulled the blanket off the two of them, careful not to wake them. I gathered Lizzie in my arms and carried her to her bed. She immediately rolled to her side once I laid her down. I pulled the covers up over her body and kissed her gently on the forehead.

"Night Baby Girl. Daddy loves you," I whispered to her before switching on her nightlight. I took one more glance toward her before walking back downstairs.

Bella was still asleep on the couch. I gathered her into my arms and carried her to our room. I laid her down on the bed and she woke up slightly and started mumbling.

"It's okay sweetheart. Go back to sleep," I told her, lying down beside her. I pulled the covers up over us and spooned in behind her.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep. I was just tired from our earlier workout," she said, sleepily. I chuckled a bit and kissed her shoulder.

"It's okay. You can make it up to me sometime, with interest." She moaned and pushed her ass back into me.

"Definitely," She whispered and it wasn't long before her breathing evened out and she was back asleep. I laid there holding her in my arms, rubbing her stomach, hoping that we were able to create another life.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up to feather light kisses being placed along my back and shoulders. I moaned at the sensation and looked over at the alarm clock. We had about thirty minutes before Lizzie would be up and pounding on the door.

I rolled over and Edward was grinning mischievously at me. His hands roamed all over my back while his mouth nipped at my neck. My hands went immediately to his hair and tugged at it a bit.

"Baby," I said to him, trying to catch my breath, "do you think we have enough time?" We had been doing a lot of quickies lately. Yesterday was the first time in a while that we were able to take our time and really enjoy each other.

"I'm sure that we do. Hmmmm....I think we have plenty of time," he said, as his hand slid down the front of my pajama pants. His fingers made small, tight circles around my clit as his mouth continued its assault on my neck.

"Mmmmmm," I moaned as he moved to hover above me. He nudged my legs with his and I spread them as he settled himself down in between them. He lifted my tank top and placed wet, open mouth kisses on my breasts as his hand continued rubbing me below.

"Mommy! Daddy," a small voice floated through our room through the closed and thankfully locked door," are you up yet? Is it time to go see about my piano lessons now?"

Edward's head dropped to my shoulder while he pulled his hand from my pajama pants. I pulled my top back down to cover my chest while I answered our daughter.

"Yeah, baby. It's almost time. Mommy and Daddy will be down in just a little bit." Lizzie didn't answer but I heard her footsteps retreat down the hallway. Edward lifted his head and placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

"I'm sorry. I figured we had time."

"It's okay. You know she is excited about today," I answered him.

"Yeah, but now I have to take care of this problem in the shower." I giggled at him as he stood and adjusted himself in his sleep pants. I got up on my knees and moved myself to the edge of the bed where he was standing. I wrapped my arms around his neck and moved my lips around to whisper in his ear.

"I promise to make it up to you tonight baby. Multiple times." I took his earlobe in my mouth and bit down gently. He moaned at the sensation and pulled away to look into my eyes.

"I'm holding you to that," he said, gathering his clothing and making his way into the bathroom to shower and get ready for work.

**~* &*~**

While Edward showered, I went downstairs and fixed Lizzie a bowl of cereal. I knew we didn't have time today for another big, extravagant breakfast. She sat at the counter in the kitchen munching on her Cinnamon Toast Crunch and watching Sponge Bob, while I ate my bagel. I poured myself a cup of coffee and filled a glass of orange juice for Edward.

Just as the first episode of Sponge Bob was ending, I heard Edward coming down the stairs. He was finishing knotting his tie when he walked into the kitchen.

"Morning, Baby Girl," he told Lizzie, placing a kiss on top of her head. He walked over to the counter and drank down most of his orange juice in one swift gulp. Placing the glass back down on the counter he licked his lips. "Morning, Love," he whispered, leaning in close, gently kissing me on the lips and then winked at me. _God, he knew what he was doing to me after that quick encounter this morning._ I smiled back at him and took a sip of my coffee.

He walked over to the dining room table, gathered his briefcase and put his suit jacket on. He walked back into the kitchen and picked Lizzie up and hugged her tightly.

"You be good for mommy today, sweetie. I want my girls to have a great day," he told her, sitting her back down on her stool. He walked over to where I was standing on the other side of the counter. Pulling me to him, he kissed me passionately, his hands roaming down to my ass. He moved his lips to where he could whisper in my ear without a certain little girl hearing.

"I look forward to tonight and your promises of multiple times," he said, still holding me tightly to him. He pulled away and winked at me again. I just shook my head and playfully slapped at his chest.

"Have a good day at work, baby," I told him and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Bye Girls," Edward waved as he walked out the front door. I moved around the kitchen placing Edward's glass and my coffee mug in the sink. After asking Lizzie if she was done with her bowl of cereal, I placed it in the sink as well.

"Okay Lizzie," I told her, while walking behind her into the living room, "I need you to sit down here and watch television for a bit so mommy can take a quick shower. I'll be right back down and then we can head out to see Ms. Cope, okay?" She nodded her head at me quickly before turning her attention back to Sponge Bob. I just shook my head, laughing quietly and made my way upstairs to shower and get ready for the day.

**~* &*~**

Thirty minutes later, I walked downstairs and pulled my coat on. Lizzie already had her coat on was practically bouncing off the walls ready to leave. I grabbed my purse off the dining room table and Lizzie grabbed her little purse that Alice had gotten her and we walked out the door together.

Lizzie buckled herself in the backseat while I plugged my iPod into the dock and set it to her personal play list. Our little girl loved her Miley, Hannah and Jonas Brothers, much to her father's dismay. I began to back down the driveway when the first song began to play. I looked at Lizzie in the rear view mirror and she was bopping her head to the beat of Miley and all was well in my world.

Minutes later, I parked my SUV in the small parking lot by Ms. Cope's office and helped Lizzie out of the back. She held my hand while we walked toward the old brick building on Main Street. A small bell rang out our arrival as we pushed the door open. Ms. Cope came out of a back room, largest smile on her face.

"My, my, my," she said, as she ran her hand along Lizzie's copper locks, "she looks just like her father. That lovely shade of hair and those beautiful green eyes." Lizzie looked up at Ms. Cope and smiled.

"You knew my daddy when he was a little kid?" Lizzie asked her curiously. Ms. Cope had led us to a small desk and motioned for us to sit down.

"Yes, I sure did. As a matter of fact, I started giving him piano lessons when he was about your age. He had a brilliant thirst for musical knowledge and I am sure that you will have the same." Lizzie nodded excitedly and we both laughed.

"Okay, Mrs. Cullen," Ms. Cope began, "do you have any preference as to what days to hold the lessons on?" We both sat and looked at the calendar while Lizzie toyed with the charm bracelet she had gotten for her birthday. After a few minutes, we decided on Tuesday's and Thursday's at five o'clock. Lizzie and I both hugged Ms. Cope goodbye and told her that we would see her soon.

We walked, hand in hand, down the sidewalk, and browsed the window dressings of the local shops. I looked down at my watch and realized that it was too early for lunch but I had an idea to surprise Lizzie.

"Hey munchkin," I said, stopping in front of one of Lizzie's favorites places in Forks," what do you think about having an ice cream cone?" She looked up at me with a huge smile on her face and nodded her head quickly.

"Yes, mommy, Yes please!" she said as we made our way into the ice cream parlor. I walked to the counter and ordered Lizzie's favorite, a strawberry cone, and we made our way back out of the shop.

I walked down the street, browsing through windows, while Lizzie licked her ice cream cone and skipped along beside me. I looked over at her and smiled. She's so full of energy and love. She's the light of our lives. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

Letting go of Lizzie's hand, I looked at her and told her to stay right beside me. She gave me her beautiful half smile that reminds me so much of Edward, and nodded her head, continuing to eat her ice cream.

"Hello," I said, flipping open my phone, not even looking at the caller i.d.

"Hey sweetheart," Edward said from the other line, "how are my girls today?" I smiled and felt the familiar tightening in my chest when he called us 'his girls'. That is something Edward has always called us. Most men would have wanted to have a son. But not Edward Cullen. Nope, he was proud to have a Daddy's Little Girl. He loved her with his whole heart, as she did him. She was named after his biological mother that died when he was three. Both of his parents were killed in a car accident. He was adopted right after that by Carlisle and Esme.

"Well, we went by Ms. Cope's office and set up Lizzie's piano lessons. They will be on Tuesday's and Thursday's at five o'clock. She's so excited. She can't wait to play piano like Daddy." And that was true. Lizzie wants to play piano like daddy. She wants to be a doctor like Daddy and her Papa Carlisle, anything Daddy does, Lizzie wants to do too.

"That's great, Love. I am so glad she has my love for music. But why I was calling, I have a surgery coming up in a bit and I am going to have to stay a little later today than expected. So, why don't you girls go ahead and have dinner without me and I will be home as soon as I can." I completely understood. Edward sometimes has to stay at work late. That's the life of a surgeon. He loves his job and I knew exactly what I was getting into when I married him. He always makes time for us though, so I don't mind.

"Okay, I'll pick something up at the market and will have it warming for you when you get in," I told him.

"Thank you, Baby. I will let you go now. Give Lizzie kisses for me. I love you," he said.

"Love you too," I said, before disconnecting the line. I glanced to my side, Lizzie wasn't there. My heart began to beat rapidly in my chest as I realized my daughter was missing.

I started looking around the streets frantically, my heart hammering in my chest. My mind was a hazy mess and I started screaming her name. Several people walked up to but I pushed them away, still calling out for her, then I heard a blood curdling scream. I'm not sure how I knew, but I turned around and ran towards the sound. My world stopped as fell to my knee's reaching for my daughter's hand that was covered in blood. I could hear some screams to call 911 but everything else, except for the sound of my heart beat, was echoing in my ears.

**~* &*~**

_"Blood Pressure is 70 palp._ _Get the immobilizer around her neck, now we need to get her into the ambulance. Starting the intraosseous IV, get the oxygen on her. Heart rate dropping…."_

Everything I heard was foreign. I had no clue what was happening or what they were doing to my baby girl. It was all happening so fast.

They hovered over her to where I couldn't see. The back doors of the ambulance burst open and and three medical staff were lady asked what do we have and I heard again, heart rate dropping, BP 70 palp. One of the medical staff pried open her eyes and flashed a light and then yelled "pupils are blown, she needs a head CT, stat."

They started running with the stretcher and I felt myself do the same. A nurse caught up to me and asked me her name and age and I couldn't answer, all I could do was sob. I was in a complete daze.

"Oh dear God," I heard someone say in a strangled voice. I blinked away some of the tears from my eyes and saw that it was Carlisle. He rushed to Lizzie's side and immediately goes into doctor mode. He started asking the EMT's for heart rate and blood pressure. Another man, who I presumed to be a colleague of Carlisle's, that was already working on Lizzie looked at Carlisle.

"Dr. Cullen," the man said, but Carlisle paid no attention to him. He continues to follow beside the stretcher carrying his granddaughter. The man grabbed Carlisle's wrist before he could enter the room behind them.

"Carlisle," he said rather loudly, "let me take this. I will take care of her. You know I will." Carlisle just looked at the man and nodded grimly. Once the door was shut, he turned to me and hugged me tightly. He led us over to the chairs that were lined up along the wall. He spoke to me but it all sounded mumbled and I couldn't focus. I felt like I was drowning and couldn't kick my way to the surface.

Suddenly, the large metal doors at the end of the hall burst open violently and hit the walls with a loud crash. I looked up and saw the face of a man in pain. Edward rushed over to Carlisle and me. He pulled me into his arms and I could feel him trembling just as bad as I was. I still couldn't speak. I was numb. Edward never let go of me and I could hear him and Carlisle speaking but I couldn't comprehend any of what they were saying. My eyes were trained on the door to the room that held my heart and soul.

After what seemed like and eternity but was probably only minutes, the door finally opened. The doctor stepped out, his clothes soiled with bright, red blood. The look on his face told me all I needed to know.

"I am so sorry," he said grimly.

"No, no, no, no," I began to chant. He walked over to Edward and I. I just continued to chant and shake my head.

"You said you would take care of her! You said you would save her! You told us to trust you!" I yelled at him, not giving a damn that I was in the middle of the emergency department. I continued to berate the man as my heart broke into a million pieces over and over again.

I pushed Edward away from me and turned to look at Carlisle. He had tears streaming down his face as he shook his head at me.

"Please Carlisle. Go in there. You can save my baby girl. You can save her. I know you can. You are the best at what you do. Please save her! Please!" I sobbed into his chest and begged him to do something for her. I felt like my chest was being crushed. I could barely catch my breath.

Someone suddenly grabbed my arms and turned me around. I looked up and it was Edward. I started to beat my fists into his chest and sobbed loudly.

"Edward, you have to save her! No one will save her! Someone has to help Lizzie. Please, please save my baby girl!" I cried as we sank down to the floor below. Edward continued to hold me and tried to provide what comfort he could while I sobbed loudly into his chest.

** EPOV **

I had just gotten out of surgery when I got a page telling me I was needed downstairs immediately for a family emergency. I hit the double doors of the ER running and stopped dead in my tracks when I spotted my wife.

Bella was covered in blood and her face was completely void of any kind of emotion. I rushed over to her and my father, pulling Bella into my arms and begged my father to tell me what was going on. Neither of them would speak.

"Dad, please," I begged him, "What is wrong? Why is Bella covered in blood? What happened? Where is Lizzie?" Before he had a chance to answer me, Dr. Matthews stepped through the door that had opened beside us. He looked at me, then Carlisle and lastly Bella. She immediately began screaming at the doctor. Then she turned to Carlisle who's face was covered in the tears that had begun to fall from his eyes _. What the hell is going on? Where is Elizabeth_?

Bella clung to Carlisle and begged him to save her _. Save who_?

She begged him to save her little girl.

_Lizzie._

_Elizabeth._

_Our daughter._

_My life._

I grabbed Bella and spun he around so that she could tell me that I was wrong and that this was some horrible mistake. That I had just misheard this whole conversation. That I would wake up at home, in bed, this whole day having been a nightmare.

She began to beat my chest with her fists and begged me to save Lizzie.

_Oh God no. Not Lizzie. Not my Baby Girl._

Bella sank down to the floor and I followed her. I held on to her as tight as I could and tried to offer her some kind of comfort. But I knew that I was doing nothing to help. Because if she was feeling even half of what I was, she was empty. Broken.

I sat on the floor of the Emergency Department in Forks, Washington and held my wife and stared at the door to the room that held the body of my angel. But yet I couldn't cry. My wife sobbed uncontrollably in my arms and my father sat by us and quietly cried. But I had yet to shed a tear. I was truly broken.


	5. Chapter 5

_I stood on bright green grass. The sky was a brilliant blue color with puffy white clouds dotted about. I looked down and noticed I was barefoot and wiggled my toes in the cool blades. Closing my eyes, I lifted my face towards the sky, letting the warmth of the sun hit my cheeks. I relished in the feel of the rays on my skin. Suddenly, one of the most beautiful sounds in the world came from behind me. Spinning around, I saw the most beautiful sight before me. There, sitting on the swing, was my little girl, kicking her bare feet as she went higher and higher. The laughter continued and I started to walk towards her. Her white sundress was blowing in the wind and the sun was hitting her hair just right, showing off the red tint that weaved throughout._

_"Mommy, can you push me?" Lizzie asked, still looking at me with that brilliant half smile that reminded me so much of her father._

_"I sure can, Baby Girl," I said as I stood behind her, pushing her gently. Her laughter echoed around us as she went higher and higher._

_"Mommy, look! A wish flower. Can you get it for me please? I wanna make a wish," she said, pointing toward the single dandelion that stood in the grass. Walking over to the flower, I plucked the stem from the ground. A large billow of wind circled around me as I stood back up. The air chilled substantially and I turned back around to hand Lizzie her flower, the swing moved gently in the wind, but it was now empty._

_A familiar and haunting ache began to form in my chest. My heart pounded so loudly I could hear it in my ears. She was gone._

I sat straight up in bed, screaming into the darkened room. I sobbed uncontrollably as I felt comforting arms surround me. A hand rubbed soothingly up and down my back as I shook with emotion.

"Tell me it was all a dream. Tell me I can walk down that hall, look into her room and find her there. Tell me it didn't happen," I cried as I clung to the person who tried to give me comfort. She began to whisper soothingly into my ear. It was Esme. I could tell by the way she spoke that she was crying with me. Her voice cracked with emotion every time I moaned or cried out.

"Oh sweet girl, I am so sorry. I wish I could tell you those things. I wish I could make all the pain go away." We both cried as we clung to one another. She held me tightly as I fought to catch my breath and calm down. After a few moments I pulled away from her and wiped the tears from my eyes. She reached out and brushed the hair from my face.

"Oh sweetheart," she said, as she took my hand into hers, "I am so sorry." She held both of my hands in her lap as she spoke to me.

"It just hurts so much. What did I do that was so horrible to deserve this? Why did he have to take her? Was taking my Mom from me not enough?" Tears were falling from my eyes onto the blanket that had been draped across me. I honestly don't even know how I had gotten home. The last thing I really remembered was that doctor coming out to tell me that she was gone.

"You've done nothing wrong, Bella. You were the best mother a child could ever hope for. Do you remember what I whispered to you when we were in the delivery room for Elizabeth's birth?" she asked me. Of course I remembered what she had said. I thought about it all the time.

_I fell back to the bed completely exhausted. I looked over at Edward and sighed._

_"Edward, I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired, I need to stop."_

_"You can do this, Bella. You are so strong, it's almost over now. Just a few more pushes and our little girl will be here." He replied, brushing the hair that was stuck on my face, away._

I looked over at _Esme, she smiled lovingly down at me. I was so glad to have her here with me. I wished my own mother could be here, but that was impossible._

_I sighed and felt my heart ache a little. I looked back over at Edward. "I just look at Esme here with us, and I wish that my mom could be here too." I told him as tears fell from my eyes. Esme leaned down to me and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek._

_"Sweetheart, your mother is here with us today. She might not be here physically, but I know that there is no way she would miss this. She's been up there, loving this little angel and now she's sending her to you, for you to care for and love. Now, how about we welcome her into this world. She has spent time with Grandma Renee, now it's time for her to meet Nana Esme." I looked at Esme and smiled brightly. I sat up with a new found determination, ready to welcome my daughter into this world._

"Bella, your mother is watching that little angel now. She always has. Now, she gets to spend some quality time with her Grandma Renee again. She is at peace with her. I know it's so hard and that it hurts so much. But just know, that now you have two guardian angels watching over you. She will always be with you, especially here," she said, as she placed her hand over my heart. I gave her a timid smile and she patted my hands before I moved them from her lap.

"Why don't we go downstairs and get you something to eat and drink. I know you might not feel like it but you have to be strong." I stood up from the bed, took Esme's hand and walked toward the door. I knew I was about to be bombarded with so many emotions. I could already feel them welling up inside me. She pulled the door open slowly and we stepped out.

We walked slowly down the hall, moving toward the steps. We passed our home office, the door was open, I briefly wondered where Edward was, he wasn't in there or with me in the bedroom. We got to the next door and I stopped completely. I closed my eyes tightly and swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. Lizzie's room. Tears streamed down my face as Esme gently led me down the stairs and towards the kitchen.

I looked around and saw all the things that reminded me of my baby girl. Her Tinker Bell place mat still sat on the counter where she put it when she ate breakfast in the morning. Her bookbag was still sitting on the table ready to be packed for school. Her duffel bag sat by the front door where we had placed it last night when we came in. I closed my eyes as the tears continued to fall.

A few moments later, Esme placed a sandwich and a glass of water on the counter in front of me. I smiled and thanked her. I wasn't hungry at all. I just wanted everything to go away. I wanted to stand here and do nothing at all. I wanted to escape to that dream world, where Lizzie was still here, happy and carefree.

"Where's Edward?" I asked her as she put the items she had used to make the sandwich away. She looked up and pointed out the window to the backyard.

"He's been out there since we arrived. Emmett, Jasper and his father tried to get him to come inside, but he wouldn't. He came in long enough to tell everyone goodbye, but went right back out there." Edward was sitting in the swing on the playset that we had gotten Lizzie last year for her birthday. He wasn't moving at all. He just sat there, looking at the ground.

He must have felt someone staring at him, because in that moment he looked up at me. His green eyes met mine and looked so empty. There was no longer a sparkle in them. They were dark, almost black. He continued to just stare at me, unmoving.

_He must hate me. It was my fault that she was no longer here. I should've been watching her better. I should've never let go of her hand. It's my fault that he was feeling the pain that he was._

The tears began to fall again and I turned around quickly, making my way back upstairs, food forgotten. I stopped outside Lizzie's door and decided to walk inside. I began to sob uncontrollably as I looked at her room. It was so quiet without her here, so wrong. I threw myself down on her bed and wrapped myself up in her blankets and willed it all to be a horrible nightmare.

** EPOV **

Carlisle ended up having to sedate Bella at the hospital. Every time we tried to get her to leave, she would scream at the top of her lungs that she wasn't leaving Lizzie there. Hell, I agreed. I didn't want to imagine my baby girl lying in that cold, dark room all alone. But I knew we had to leave the hospital. I had to get her home.

I carried Bella up to our room when we arrived and laid her down on the bed. I pulled the covers up over her and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. She had been continuously whimpering in her sleep. It broke my heart over and over. I still hadn't cried. I wasn't sure what happened, had truly hit me yet.

I stopped outside of Lizzie's bedroom and looked inside. Her toys were strown about where she had played with them earlier. I looked over at the huge box that held the dollhouse she'd gotten for her birthday. I'd been in a rush to get to work this morning that I hadn't even put it together for her like I told her I would. I had failed her.

I walked downstairs and into the living room. Mom, Dad, Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Rose were all there. They all looked up at me, their faces full of pity and sorrow. I walked back out of the room saying nothing. I made my way through the kitchen and out the back door. I looked at the huge wooden playset that I once thought was a monstrosity sitting in our backyard. Lizzie was so happy when we got it for her last year.

_"Shit. Shit. Damn." I said as I held my thumb for the fiftieth time this morning. I was putting together the wooden monster that Bella had decided we should get our daughter for her birthday. Lizzie was excited about it and her excitement made me excited so I trudged through the hard work to see that beautiful smile on her face._

_I had most of it put together when the back door opened up. Lizzie walked over, handing me a glass of lemonade._

_"Mommy said that you might need this," she spoke as I took the glass from her. She stood their practically bouncing on her toes waiting for me to give her the go ahead to try out her new "toy". I drank down the lemonade and sat the glass down on the patio steps. I picked up the last swing that I needed to be attach to the playset and handed it to her._

_"Would you like to do the honors, baby girl?" I asked her as she smiled widely at me. She took the swing from my hands and I lifted her up so that she could reach the beam. I helped her attach it and stood her back down on the ground._

_"All done," I said, "you may now swing to your hearts desire." She squealed and hugged me tightly around the waist._

_"Thank you, thank you, thank you, Daddy!" she said excitedly as she went to sit on the swing. And that right there made the sore back and bruised thumb worth it._

_"Can you push me Daddy?" she asked, trying to kick her feet and get herself started. I walked behind her and gently began to push her. She giggled with delight which made me smile. I looked up to see Bella looking out the kitchen window at us. I blew her a kiss and she returned one._

_"Higher Daddy," she said, "make me go higher."_

I sat down on the swing and slumped my shoulders. God, I missed her so much already. It was already so quiet around here without her constant giggling and numerous questions about anything and everything.

I didn't know how long I had been sitting there. Mom came out and told me that everyone was leaving. I went in and hugged my family goodbye and told them thank you for everything. They let me know that they would be back tomorrow. My mom informed me she planned on staying for a while, in case Bella or I needed anything. I hugged her and told her thank you as we walked back outside.

I sat in the the swing again, just staring off into the empty space. After a bit, I felt as if someone was watching me. I looked up to see Bella looking at me through the kitchen window. Her face was so distraught and full of pain. _I had caused that pain. I failed her. I promised her that I would always take care of our daughter and I failed. I couldn't save her today. No matter how much she begged me, I couldn't save her. She must hate me._

Even from where I was sitting, I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. She turned around immediately and ran from the room.

_Yes. She hated me. I hated myself. I was such a failure._

I stood up and started pacing back and forth in our backyard. The more I thought, the angrier I got at myself. I looked over to the swingset. I would never see my daughter play happily on it again. I wouldn't hear her joyful laughter as she swung higher and higher into the air.

I grabbed the shovel, that leaned against the back of the house, and began to swing repeatedly with the shovel at the wooden beams.

"Why? What the fuck did I ever do?! What did she do?! She didn't deserve this! Why did you take her from us?!" I screamed as I hit the beams over and over again.

When I finally became winded, I dropped the shovel and stepped back. I had ruined it. The swings were ripped down and the beams were cracked.

"Oh God," I cried, as I dropped to the ground. And finally the tears began to flow. I cried for my baby girl. I cried for myself. I cried for my wife. I cried for the fact that our family was now broken. I broke our family.

I sobbed loudly into the night, my body shaking violently with pent up emotion. Warm arms enveloped me as I continued to shed tears that I had held in all day.

"It's okay baby boy. Let it out. Mama's here," Esme told me. I held onto her tightly.

"I want her back Mom. I miss her so much," I cried into her shoulder.

"I know, baby," she said, her body shook as she cried right along with me, "we all miss her so much." She ran her hand up and down my back trying to soothe me, but we both knew it wasn't working.

So I sat there, on the cold, wet ground, in my mother's arms, a broken man.


	6. Chapter 6

I stood at the mirror and looked at myself. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy from all the tears I had cried since yesterday. Pulling my hair up in a loose pony tail, I washed my face, grabbed a navy blue sweater, a pair of dress pants from my closet and slipped those on.

Today was the day we were going to the funeral home to make the arrangements for my little girl. Edward had asked our families to come with us; we knew there was no way we could go there alone to prepare to lay our daughter to rest.

_Lay her to rest._

Those four words were killing me each time I thought them.

As I was slipping my shoes on, there was a light knock on the door. It gently pushed open and Alice was there.

"Hey Bella," she said, walking into the room, "are you about ready to go? Everyone is downstairs now." I nodded my head solemnly and stood to walk out with her. We walked downstairs, hand in hand, and into the living room. Esme pulled me into her arms and the tears began to flow once again. She held me in her arms, whispering to me, and crying right along with me.

"We are here for you Bella. You and Edward both. We will be strong for you when we know you can't be," she told me. I pulled myself away from her and wiped the tears from my eyes.

I looked up and saw Edward was leaning against the wall, his eyes were red, a tear slipped down his cheek but he quickly wiped it away. I stood there and realized that it had been a few days since we had spoken. There was so much we needed to talk about. We hadn't spoken since our baby girl was hit by that car. Every time I tried to say something about it, I felt the guilt rise, the guilt that I had allowed this to happen to our daughter. She was hit by a car because of me. I looked down and noticed Esme was still holding my hand. I loved Esme, but it wasn't her hand I wanted holding mine. I leaned in and hugged her lightly. I think she under stood because once I was out of her embrace, she told everyone to head to their cars. I nodded, in attempt to thank her.

"We'll be out side," she whispered, then walked out the door.

Edward pushed himself of the wall and walked over to me; he pulled me into his arms and placed a sweet kiss on top of my head. I hugged him tightly to me and we both began to cry. I didn't want to do this. I just wanted to wake up and have our little girl back where she belonged.

"You just about ready to go?" Edward asked me as I pulled away. He handed me a tissue and I wiped the tears from my face.

"I am about as ready as I'll ever be," I replied to him honestly. He placed a gentle kiss on my lips, "I love you, Bella," his voice cracked, I stood on my toes and kissed him again, whispering I loved him too.

We stayed in each others arms for a few moments, just clinging to the other. No more words had been spoken, just silent tears falling as we prepared ourselves for what was to come.

The ride to the funeral home was quiet as we all looked out the windows at the scenery going by. Edward held my hand tightly in his lap, rubbing his thumb in soothing small circles on my skin. We pulled into the parking lot of Mount Olympus Funeral Home and all of us exited the family cars. We walked up the stone walkway.

"Edward, I can't do this," I cried out, stopping abruptly at the door, I tried to pull out of his embrace but he held me tighter and walked us over to the small bench that sat outside the front doors and sat us down. He hugged me to him as we both began to cry. The others decided to give us a moment and went ahead inside.

"I know it is hard, baby," Edward said, his voice cracking with emotion, "but we need to do this for her. For our.....l-little girl." he suppressed a sob.

I nodded my head and pulled away to get a tissue from my pocket; I wiped the tears from my face then reached up and wiped his as well. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath then placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

"I love you," he said. I kissed him back, just as gently.

"I love you too," I told him, as we stood to go into the building.

When we walked in, Carlisle was speaking with an older gentleman, who I assumed was the director. Edward and I walked over to him.

"Mr. Jackson, I would like you to meet my son, Edward and his wife, Bella," Carlisle said to the man, as we shook hands.

"I am terribly sorry for your loss Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. We here at Mount Olympus will do everything in our power to make this as easy as possible for you. Carlisle has already handled financial arrangements, and I've explained the details of to your family so all we need you to do is pick out her casket. Now if you would just follow me to the basement so you can see our selection."

We followed Mr. Jackson down stairs and into a large room. There were caskets lined up against the walls. Some were made of darker woods, some were shiny and black. There were some that were white with gold trim and some that were burgundy colored. I could hear the man talking, explaining to us the benefits of each selection but I just zoned out. I walked over to a section that contained the smallest of these boxes.

The first I saw was so tiny, not even 2 feet long. I ran my hand along the top of the shiny surface. I walked over to a display of three caskets called "Melody". It came in a choice of colors. I couldn't believe I was here, picking out the casket that would forever hold my baby girl. I became overwhelmed with emotion and began to sob loudly. I felt arms come around me and pull them to me. I could tell it was Edward even though I couldn't see him through the tears. I could hear his sobs which made mine become even louder. Each and every sob that came from him made my already broken heart, shatter to even smaller pieces.

We both stood there, clinging to each other as if our lives depended on it. After a few minutes Edward and I both pulled away and he wiped the tears from under my eyes with his thumbs.

"I know this is so hard, baby. This is killing me too," he told me. We held hands as we turned around to look at the small caskets.

"I just hate doing this. I don't wanna be here picking out the box that will hold our baby girl forever. We shouldn't be here doing this," I sobbed to him and laid my head on his shoulder.

He rubbed soothing circles on my back with his hands.

"I know Bella. But we have to do it for her, baby. We have to get through this," he told me and I nodded my head. I took a deep breath and turned back around to the selection of caskets. The "Melody" came in white, baby blue and baby pink. I smiled, imagining half of Lizzie's wardrobe in her closet. The girl had a love for pink. She had to have gotten that from her aunt Alice. Edward looked over to me and noticed the smile on my face.

"Lizzie would love this one wouldn't she?" he asked, laying his hand on top of the glossy pink finish of the casket. I nodded my head and smiled at him. Carlisle and Mr. Jackson had joined us.

"Okay, lets head back upstairs and get the final arrangements set," Mr. Jackson said as he led us out of the room. When we got back upstairs the rest of the family joined us. Edward and I sat down on the small couch across from the desk.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, some people like to have mementos placed in the casket with their loved one. Did your daughter have a favorite stuffed animal she liked to sleep with? Perhaps a favorite book she liked to read?" I gasped out loud when the director mentioned a favorite book. I took Edward's hand in mine and whispered, "I know exactly what book she needs". I planned to put our book, The Princess and the Pea, inside with our daughter. She treasured that book her entire life.

Edward squeezed my hand and smiled back at me. The director continued talking with us. He asked for some pictures of Lizzie through out her life, with family, by herself, with friends. They wanted to have a slideshow playing during her wake.

"And the last thing we are going to need is clothing. I need your selection of what you would like to have your daughter buried in," Mr. Jackson said. I hadn't even thought about what I was going to have her wear. I began to sob loudly. Someone sat down beside me and took my hand into theirs. I looked up to see Alice's face, tears streaming down as she cried right along with me.

"Bella, I would be honored to help you pick something out for Lizzie," she told me quietly. I smiled at her as Edward reached across, tears in his eyes as well, and held onto her other hand.

"Alice, I would love it if you would help me pick out something for her," I told her. She smiled solemnly at me and I just squeezed her hand. Rosalie stepped toward us and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Bella, if you would like, I could help out with that too," she said. I could see the tears building up in her eyes. I reached my hand up and placed it over Rose's hand and nodded my head.

We all thanked Mr. Jackson and headed back out to the cars. I was planning to head out with Rose and Alice to go to the children's boutique across town, but when the time came, I just couldn't leave Edward. I began to cry for the hundredth time in the past two days and Edward just pulled me to him, rocking us gently back and forth.

"Alice, why don't you and Rose go ahead and pick something out for Lizzie? I am sure that you can find something that both Bella and I would love," Edward suggested, while he continued to console me.

"Bella, are you okay with that?" Alice asked me. I just nodded my head and Edward led me to the car to go back home.

**~*~*~*~*~***

The florist had come to the house and after twenty minutes of picking out flowers, and talking about my baby girl in the past tense, I was exhausted. I excused myself from the table after we chose all different colors of pink and decided to lie down and try to take a nap, but every time I would close my eyes I would see those small caskets, something that should never even have to be made. There should never be a purpose for those because children so young should never be taken.

After tossing and turning for about an hour, I decide to head downstairs and find Edward. When I turned into the kitchen, I saw him sitting at the table pushing food around his plate. The counter tops were full of food that the local church ladies had brought over. Esme was standing at the sink washing up some dishes so I pulled up a chair and sat down beside Edward.

"Hey baby. Did you get any sleep at all?" he asked me, grabbing my hand and holding it in his.

"No, I couldn't fall asleep. My mind wouldn't shut down." He just smiled a very sad smile at me and pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed my palm. I laid my head down on table and watched Edward eat. He more or less just pushed the food around. Every once in a while he would take a bite.

A few minutes later there was a knock at the door and Esme moved to go answer it. Alice walked in with a garment bag draped over her arm.

"Hey guys. Thought I would bring this over now and show you before I took it over to the funeral home. I hope you like it," Alice said, as she hung the bag on the back of the chair and unzipped it. I continued to hold Edward's hand in mine as she revealed the garment she had chosen for her niece.

"Oh my...." I started, but the tears began to fall. The dress Alice had chosen was fit for a princess. It was a tea length dress that was fuchsia colored and sleeveless. The waist line was embellished with jewels and the skirt of the dress was made of tulle. There was a large satin ribbon that tied in the back and a crinoline slip was attached underneath.

"Alice," I began again," it is lovely. Lizzie would have loved it. I love it. Thank you so much for taking care of this for me." I stood up and went over and hugged her. She had begun crying as well.

"It was the least I could do," she whispered in my ear before pulling away. Edward stood up to hug her as well.

"Thank you so much Alice. And like Bella said, Lizzie would have loved it," Edward said, hugging his sister tightly.

**~*~*~*~*~**

The next couple of days passed in a blur. Before I knew it, we were headed back to the funeral home for the wake. I couldn't stomach the thought of walking into that room and seeing our daughter lying there, cold and alone; as our friends and family tell us how sorry they were for our loss, how much they loved Lizzie, how much they'd miss her. I kept thinking to myself that I'd wake up and this would all be over, that the past few days had been some kind of nightmare. But deep down, I knew I wasn't.

When we pulled up, Edward helped me out of the car and we all walked together, inside the building. Mr. Jackson led us to an empty parlor room and I saw it as soon as I stepped inside. The baby pink casket was sitting at the other end of the room, the lid open. The others walked ahead of us and I stopped. Edward tried to get me to keep walking, but I stood firmly in my place shaking my head no as the tears flowed down my face.

"Edward, I can't do this! I won't do this! I can't see her like this," I sobbed as he held me to his chest. I knew he had begun to cry with me because I could feel his whole body shake with emotion.

"I know, baby, I know," he said in between his sobs, "but she needs us to be there." We had sat down on a couple of the chairs in the back of the room while we tried to calm ourselves. Edward pulled away from me and looked at my face. He had tears streaming down his cheeks. His eyes looked so empty where they used to look so full of life. I couldn't help but think that I had caused the emptiness in his eyes. I looked away from him; I blamed myself so of course Edward blamed me. It was my fault. I let go of her hand. I closed my eyes and I could see her smiling face as she licked the ice cream. I removed my hands from his and stood up, clutching my chest, I paced back and forth trying to make sense of all this. Edward stood up and reached for my shoulders, he turned me towards him.

"Edward, this is so hard! I am not supposed to have to do this! A mother shouldn't have to do this," I cried, he leaned over and kissed me gently on the top of my head.

"I know sweetheart. But we need to do this. We need to do this for Elizabeth," he said, as he pulled me to him. I clung to the front of his shirt for a few moments.

"Now, how about we go and see how beautiful our princess looks in that dress her aunt Alice picked out for her?" I nodded against his chest and he led me towards the front. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and opened them back up when I was in front of the casket.

She was beautiful. She looked as if she were sleeping. Her bronze curls draped over her shoulders. The fuchsia color of the dress made her skin not look as pale. Her arms crossed in front of her, clutching her favorite book. I reached my hand inside and brushed my fingertips across the skin of her cheek. She was so cold. That wasn't right. She isn't supposed to be cold.

A sob broke through me as I turned my head toward Edward. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly, both of us crying. After a few moments we both turned back to face the casket that held our daughter.

"Mommy and Daddy love you Lizzie," Edward told her, brushing his hand across her cheek. "We will miss you so much, but we know that you are in a much better place and that you will always be with us." He brought his hand back down and nodded his head lightly at me telling me to go ahead.

"Baby Girl, Mommy misses you so much already. It is so quiet without you here. I miss your laughter and your hugs. But I know that you are up there with Grandma Renee and she will take good care of you. You make sure you give her a big hug for me." I kissed my fingertips and placed them on her lips as the tears began to flow once again.

**~*~*~*~*~**

Edward and I stood together at the front of the room, by Lizzie's casket. Charlie was standing by me holding my hand. He was trying to be strong for me, but I knew this was hard for him. Esme and Carlisle stood on the other side of Charlie, along with Jasper, Alice, Rose and Emmett.

We stood together as the good people of Forks came up and gave us their condolences and well wishes. Every once in a while someone would say something to me that would cause me to break down again. Mrs. Cope had been one of those people. She told me that she was looking forward to getting to know Lizzie and that she was sorry she would never have the chance. And then it hit me, no one would ever have the chance to get to know Lizzie ever again. None of us would know what she would be like as a teenager, whether she would be moody and brooding or if she would be pepped up and outgoing. We wouldn't know how she would be as a young adult. Whether she would go off to a four year university or just stick around Forks and go to community college. We wouldn't know how she would be as a wife and mother. We wouldn't know the young man that would one day win her heart. We would never know if she would have sons or daughters.

And that is the part that killed me most. She would never know what it was like to be a mother. To have your heart walk around every day outside of your chest. But yet, she would also never know the pain that I am feeling right now. She would never have to bury her child.

As we stood accepting hugs and handshakes, the slide show was playing behind us. Every once in a while, I would turn around and just stare at the pictures as they flashed by. They showed Lizzie from the time of her birth to her birthday party just last week. There was a beautiful picture of the three of us taken at the beach last summer. Edward was dressed in a white button up and linen pants. He was barefoot. I sat in front of him, my back leaning on his chest. I was in a white sundress and also barefoot. Lizzie sat in front of me, dressed in a white sundress, identical to mine. She was smiling ear to ear. We had such a wonderful time on that trip and promised her we would go back this year. But now, we couldn't.

The night had come to an end. We told our baby we would see her tomorrow. Walking out of that room, leaving her there alone was the hardest thing I'd ever done. When we got home, Edward and I silently went up to our room; neither of us said a word. I undressed and crawled into bed, pulling my knees tightly to my chest, I cried myself into a sleep full of nightmares.

**EPOV**

I sat on the couch in our living room with my head in my hands. Bella and I hadn't gotten much sleep last night. We both tossed and turned. She woke up screaming and sobbing at one point and I just held her until she quieted down and drifted off. Yesterday was so hard and today is only going to be worse.

I heard her footsteps coming and I stood up and buttoned up my suit coat. She came around the corner and gave me a small smile; I pulled her to me and hugged her tightly.

"Are you ready to head out?" I asked her. She gave me a small nod.

"About as ready as I will ever be for something like this," she said, grabbing my hand as we walked to the door.

"I know baby, I know."

**~*~*~*~**

We made our back to the funeral home for our final goodbyes. Walking into the funeral home again and seeing my little girl lying there was tearing my heart apart. I tried to be strong for Bella, but knowing this was the last time I was going to see her before they placed her in the ground was tearing me apart.

We once again stood there as more people showed, saying their final goodbyes to Elizabeth. After about forty five minutes, the director of the funeral home came over the speaker and called the families to their cars for the funeral procession. One by one each family came up to say give us their condolences and say goodbye to our daughter. The pallbearers were asked to make there way to the back and it was then that I looked around and realized that this was it. We had to say goodbye. Emmett and Rose walked up first both of them kissing her gently. Alice and Jasper followed. My parents went next and I saw my father and mother sobbing as they said goodbye. Charlie stood there stroking her curly hair a few times before he leaned in and kissed her.

I looked over to Bella she sighed and shook her head no. After a few moments, we walked up to Lizzie. I pulled out a picture from my jacket pocket and placed it in her hands with her book.

It was the family picture we took last year at the beach. I heard Bella gasp and then a sob escaped her lips. She looked at me then back at the picture and touched it with her finger tips.

"Mommy and Daddy will always be with you," I whispered, and leaned in kissing her cold forehead.

"I love you, Elizabeth.....I can't Edward. I can't do it!" She looked over at me, "please don't make say goodbye, please." I noticed Jake, a family friend we asked to be one of the pallbearers, in the hallway. He walked over to us and hugged Bella, "don't say goodbye, Bells, just say I'll see you again." Bella looked up at Jake and gave him a small smile. He squeezed her hand and walked back out to the hallway with the other pallbearers.

She turned towards Lizzie, "I love you more than anything baby girl and I'll see you again," she fixed Lizzie's hair and then kissed both her cheeks and held her hand for a few moments before turning back to me.

We gave our baby girl one last kiss and I held on to Bella as tightly as I could as we walked to the car to make our way to the church.

**~*~*~*~**

We walked into the church together. The guys from La Push brought Lizzie in. Bella and I had grown up with all of them. Lizzie loved every one of those guys like they were family. Paul, Quil, Embry and Seth were like the older brothers she never had. Jacob and Sam were like uncles to her. She often spent time with Jacob and Leah and their kids. Sam and Emily liked to watch Lizzie for us, to prepare them for when they had kids.

Bella and I took our seat on the front pew. Our families sat beside and behind us. I looked at the program I had gotten from the director earlier.

_Elizabeth Renee Cullen_

_Born on June 12, 2003. She is survived by_

_her parents, Edward and Bella Cullen._

_Her grandparents, Carlisle and Esme Cullen, and Charlie Swan._

_Aunts and Uncles, Alice and Jasper Whitlock, and Rosalie and Emmett McCarty._

_And Numerous friends and family._

_She was preceded in death by her grandmother, Renee Swan._

_When you are sorrowful_

_look into your heart_

_and you shall see that_

_you are weeping_

_for that which has been_

_your delight~_

_Kahlil Gibran_

I wiped the tears that had fallen from my eyes and looked over at my wife. She was crying as well, having read the quote that my father had chosen to include in the program. I squeezed her hand as Pastor Webber spoke of moving on to a better place with no sickness, no death, no pain. I really wasn't listening to a thing the man said. I was just staring at the pink casket that held my baby girl and holding my wife's hand, trying to be strong for her.

Emmett walked to the podium at the front of the church. He looked so different. Usually Emmett was very cheerful and smiling. He cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Some of you might not know me. My name is Emmett and I was this little munchkin's uncle. No, I might not have been blood related to her, but I loved her all the same. Edward and I met each other in college and have remained close friends ever since. I was there immediately when I knew this little Angel had entered this world. And an angel she was. She was so smart and so funny. She could make you laugh when you needed to." He looked over to Lizzie's casket and tears began to fall from his face.

"Munchkin, I miss you so much," he said, as he wiped away the tears. Bella laid her head on my shoulder, her body shaking with silent sobs. "I taught this little girl everything she knew about sports. There wasn't a week that went by where she and I weren't playing in her backyard, whether it was tossing around a football or shooting a couple of hoops. I am going to miss her everyday and I pray that my little girl will touch as many people as Lizzie did." Emmett clapped his hand on my shoulder as he walked by. "I'm so sorry, man," he said as he made his way back to his seat.

Jasper stepped up to the podium and a sudden calm came over me. He looked over to the casket, closed his eyes and gave a slight nod towards it.

"Lizzie, my little Ladybug, was a wonderful child. She could brighten any room with her smile and change your mood with her laughter. She brought joy to all those around her. She will truly be missed." He walked over to the casket, kissed his fingertips and placed them on the top of it.

Charlie had decided that he wanted to speak. He walked up to the front of the church and cleared his throat. You could tell that this day was hard for him, bringing back so many memories of Renee's death. Bella sobbed as she listened to her father.

"Elizabeth was the breath of fresh air that we all needed. She brought back the joy to my life that I had forgotten. She made me smile and laugh again. She loved to sit with me and watch some good old baseball. I had even planned on taking her fishing this weekend." He turned to the casket and spoke quietly, "I am sorry, baby girl that I didn't get to do that.

"I know that we will all miss her very much. But I know that my wife, her grandma Renee, is up there watching over her now." Charlie looked up towards the sky, tears building up in his eyes, and said, "You watch over that little girl for her, Renee. You keep her safe until her mommy and daddy can be with her again." He blew a kiss to the heavens and stepped back down. When he walked past us, Bella grabbed him and hugged him tightly. They, along with me and our whole family, were all sobbing loudly at this time.

"Thank you so much, Daddy," she whispered as she pulled away and wiped her eyes. She sat back down next to me, pulling my hand onto her lap. Alice made her way up front; she didn't think she could speak so she had chosen a poem to read instead. She took a deep breath and began to read from the paper she had placed in front of her.

_Just one little peek into heaven,_

_Is all I'm asking for today._

_I just want to know how she's doing,_

_And heaven seems so far away._

_Is she playing on the clouds with angels?_

_Is she laughing and running today?_

_Does she miss me? I guess only she knows._

_Oh why does heaven seem so far away?_

_If you just let me look for a moment,_

_To catch a glimpse of her sweet smiling face,_

_I promise I won't try to take her,_

_I know, she's in a better place._

_Just one little peek into heaven,_

_Is all I'm asking for today._

_I just want to know how she's doing,_

_And heaven seems so far away..._

_by: Callie Sanders Thornton_

Alice's voice cracked with emotion and tears flowed down her face as she read the poem. When she was done, I stood up and hugged her tightly, telling her thank you. After the pastor said his closing prayers, the pallbearers once again picked up the small, pink casket and carried it outside of the church, as we followed.

**~* &*~**

We all sat together at the grave site as Pastor Webber read passages from the bible. I barely paid attention. Charlie held Bella's hand on the other side while she held on to me tightly with the other, her head down as she cried. My mother leaned into Dad as they both wept silently. Rose sat quietly as Emmett rubbed her growing belly. Jasper held onto Alice as she cried. After saying a final prayer, our family got up, one by one, and each laid a single rose on top of the casket. Bella and I stood up and walked together and took a single rose from the arrangement lying on top. We now had to say our final goodbye. This was it.

"I love you forever, baby girl," I said quietly, as the tears fell from my eyes, "Daddy will see you again one day." I blew a final kiss towards the casket and turned to Bella.

"I can't do this Edward! I can't leave her here all alone! I can't let them put her in that cold hard ground. You know she hates the dark. She hates to be alone. She is gonna be all alone! I can't! I won't," she cried. She held her head up and began to wipe her eyes quickly. Her face changed completely. She went from sad and grim to angry as hell.

"It isn't supposed to be like this! She is supposed to out live us! She is supposed to be the one putting us into the ground, Edward," she said. I tried to pull her to me, "don't," she pushed me away. I just stepped back a bit and listened to her. She needed to get this out.

"She's supposed to live a long and happy life. She is supposed to go to college, come home crying to us when some asshole breaks her heart. Then she's supposed to find the man of her dreams, get married and raise beautiful babies. And now she won't ever get to do that! She'll never....." she stopped suddenly and cried louder. Clutching her heart, she began to sink to the ground and I put my arms around her, slowly lowering us both.

"How am I supposed to go on living knowing that she won't? How am I supposed to live my fucking life knowing that she isn't here with us?" She clung to me, sobbing into my coat as I held her tightly. I looked around; everyone was watching us quietly, tears falling from their eyes as well.

Charlie knelt down beside us and wrapped his arms around us both. Carlisle and Esme joined us, as well as Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Alice. We all sat on the ground of that cemetery and wept for the beautiful little girl we would miss every day for the rest of our lives.


	7. Chapter 7

**EPOV**

The past six weeks had been the longest of my entire life. They had also been the most trying. I went back to work two weeks after Lizzie's funeral. I had a little bit of an easier time than Bella did. I rarely dealt with children, and when I did, I could pass them off to a colleague if I thought I couldn't handle it. Bella, being a social worker, worked with children all day. There was no way that she could just pass her cases off to others. That's why she waited until today to finally go back to work. Everyone tried to tell her to take more time off, but she told us that she couldn't just sit around the empty house all day long anymore. It was slowly driving her insane and I completely understood. The few times that I'd been left at the house alone, even if it was just for a few hours, I had to have some type of noise going on. Whether it was the radio playing in the background or some television station, I couldn't stand the quietness of the house without Lizzie there.

It had been trying at best, Bella and I barely spoke. The first few weeks were the worst. Bella would spend a lot of time in Lizzie's room crying. Sometimes I'd find her just sitting on the bed holding a stuffed animal staring into space. I was no better, I'd spent the majority of the time just sitting in random places of the house.

Our families were there for us, constantly bringing food and making sure we were both eating. They wanted us to go to therapy but we both quickly denied, I didn't want to go to some therapist and talk about my little girl and have him help me forget her. Bella barely spoke to anyone and whenever the subject would come up, she would walk away. Something she has been doing a lot of, especially after our first outing.

 _It had been three weeks since Lizzie's death and I could tell that we were both going crazy. I had gone back to work and I felt bad that Bella was at the house by herself so I got out early one day and decided to get her out of the house_.

_"Thank you for this Edward," she said, holding tightly to my arm that was intertwined with hers. We were walking around the mall, basically just window shopping. "I figured we could both use some time outside of the house," I told her, kissing her gently on the head. She nodded and smiled up at me."Yeah, I feel like I'm going kind of crazy sometimes. It's just too quiet," she said, "I miss her so much." I hugged her tightly to me as we walked slowly through the crowds. We stopped at the front of the toy store and I looked down at Bella. She was staring down the aisle of the store at some of the children playing. Shit. I should've known this would be a bad idea._

_Suddenly, she snatched her hand out of mine and ran into the store. I stood there for a moment, shocked, and then went in behind her. She walked down the middle, her head turning right and left quickly, scanning each aisle as she got closer to the back of the store._

_"Lizzie," she screamed out, "Lizzie!" I ran up to her, grabbed her by the arm and turned her around toward me. She had tears streaming down her face. God, it didn't matter what I did, she was still hurting. I had continued to cause her pain._

_"Edward! Did you see her? Lizzie was here! I have to find her." She tried to pull her arm from my grasp, but I held on tighter to her._

_"Bella," I said to her, but she wasn't paying attention to me. Her eyes scanned every child that she saw. I shook her arm a little bit to get her attention and she looked me in the eye._

_"Bella, sweetheart. You didn't see Lizzie. You couldn't have seen Lizzie. Baby you know this." She shook her head at me and covered her ears, chanting no, over and over. I pulled her to my chest and held her tightly to me, rubbing up and down her back, trying to soothe her._

_"Baby, she's gone. I'm so sorry. She's not here." Bella started sobbing loudly and the children and parents around began to stare at us. I lifted her into my arms and carried her out to the car._

We hadn't been back to the mall since.

One thing that hadn't changed in the past few weeks, Bella's nightmares. Every night, since the funeral, she has had a nightmare of some sort. I was having a hard time calming her and one night when she kept screaming 'the blood the blood', I knew she was remembering seeing our little girl lying on the street, it tore my heart to she was crying for Lizzie to not leave her or begging me to save our baby girl, I could never seem to wake her from them. She screamed so loudly, I don't see how she never woke herself up. All I could do was hold her tight to me, and try to keep her from thrashing about on the bed. She would quiet down some, when she'd hear my voice whispering to her, but she still cried and moaned almost all night. In the morning, she remembered nothing. I tried talking to her about it but she refused to believe that it was happening.

Knowing that she didn't want to talk to someone, I still suggested it. I hated seeing her like this, she was broken and it was my fault. We often argued about it, I tried to be supportive but the truth was, she was not sleeping, she was loosing weight and I feared for her health. When she finally made the decision to go see someone, it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

_I knocked on the door and heard a quiet voice tell me to come in. I pushed the door open and made my way inside. Rose was lying on the table, and Emmett was by her side, holding her hand. Emmett walked over to me and gave me a quick hug. Rose had a sonogram appointment this morning and had asked Bella and I to come, months ago. I left Bella in bed and a note letting her know where I was going. I wasn't really sure whether or not she would want to come._

_"Come on in, bro," he said, and pointed at a chair on the other side of the bed, "have a seat." I sat down in the chair by the table as the radiologist finished up with her readings. Emmett gazed lovingly at the picture of his daughter on the black and white screen and smiled. He looked over to me and asked me how I had been as the nurse walked out the door._

_"I've been doing okay. Working a lot. Trying to keep busy," I told him honestly. That was pretty much all I could do to keep my sanity lately. I was going to the hospital early and staying late just to keep from having to be at the house. I couldn't see how Bella could stay there all day, alone and in the quiet._

_"Where's Bella?" Rose asked me, rolling her eyes. Evidently she thought I hadn't seen her._

_"Baby, don't do this now," Emmett said, trying to cool down the situation. I stood up from where I was and began to pace the floor, running my hands through my hair. I should've known she would have some smart ass comment about Bella not being here for the appointment._

_"No Em. Go ahead. Let me hear what she has to say." I told them both, staring them down from the foot of the bed._

_"Well, I just want to know why your wife decided to ditch an appointment that she promised me she would come to months ago? She was so thrilled about being a godmother but now all of the sudden she has disappeared," Rose told me angrily, " I haven't seen her in weeks."_

_"Well, fuck Rose. I don't know. Let me see. Maybe because she just lost her daughter? Maybe because she can't even stomach the thought of seeing a baby, whether it's a grainy black and white image or not, because when Lizzie was killed we were actually trying to get pregnant again. Do you know that we couldn't even go to the goddamn mall because when we did, she swore that she saw Lizzie. And then I had to take my practically catatonic wife home because I had to explain to her again that our daughter is dead! That she is not at some fucking toy store waiting for us!" I began to cry now as I screamed at her."Do you know that I have to hold her in my arms every night just to keep her from harming herself in her sleep? She screams and cries every fucking night begging me to save our baby girl and there isn't a goddamn thing I can do about it!"_

_I leaned up against the wall and slid down to the floor, sobbing into my arms. I heard a strangled sob come from the door way and looked up to see Bella standing there._

She had heard everything I said that day and that's when she finally decided to speak to someone. She realized that she needed to get better. She was tired of being sad all the time and hurting so many people around her. Jasper had recommended one of his colleagues to her, and evidently she was getting through to her. Together, the two of them made the decision for her to go back to work today. She asked my opinion and I told her that if she felt comfortable returning to work, then she should.

So, this is why today, my one and only day off in quite a while, Emmett and Jasper are forcing me to go out with them. They said that I could use some time outside of the hospital and this house. Reluctantly, I agreed, but only because Bella would be at work, and I sure as hell wasn't sitting in this quiet house all alone with my thoughts.

Sitting down at the kitchen counter, I drank my orange juice and read the morning paper, waiting for the two of them to arrive. And right on time, a loud booming voice came from the doorway.

"Edward, my man!" Emmett said, smacking me on the back, "are you ready for a man day?" I just laughed at him and shook my head.

"So, what do you guys have planned for today?" I asked the two of them as we all walked toward the front door.

"Just trust us man, just trust us," Emmett said and Jasper nodded his head.

**~* &*~**

A few hours later we were sitting in a small diner near the golf course we had just left. The guys decided that eighteen holes of golf would do me some good. And I have to say, it did seem good to get my mind off of my life for just a little bit. Between Emmett's crazy jokes and the two of them arguing over who was going to drive the golf cart I hardly had a chance to think about it.

The waitress came over and took our order. Jasper and Emmett started talking about some sports game that was on last night, but a table near the back of the diner had caught my eye. A man, who looked to be a little older than me, sat with a little girl. She looked to be close to Lizzie's age and had curly brown hair. The little girl listened closely to her father, she leaned in to him as he spoke. He suddenly grabbed her and began tickling her as she giggled loudly. I could remember the countless times I had done the exact same thing to Lizzie and her reaction had been much the same. I loved to hear my baby girl giggle and tickling her was the one thing that would guarantee I could. As I continued to stare at the private moment between the father and daughter I choked back a sob that threatened to escape but couldn't keep the tears from falling from my eyes.

"Hey, Edward, man," Jasper said, leaning across the table towards me. "You okay?" I didn't even realize the two of them had stopped their conversation and focused on me.

"Yeah, sorry," I said, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, "Sometimes certain things just get to me, ya know?" I motioned my head toward the table at the back of the room. They both looked back and realized what had caused my sudden outburst.

"Okay, enough of that." I changed my composure quickly, not wanting to talk about my feelings. "I know you guys had some other reason for bring me out today. Just tell me what it is." I was almost sure that my father had put them up to this. Ever since Bella had been seeing the counselor, he had been trying to get me to talk to someone as well.

"Nah, man. We were just wondering, how you and Bella are doing?" Emmett asked me, as he began picking at his food the waitress had brought over.

"We're doing okay, I guess. I mean, of course we could be doing better, but under the circumstances, I guess we're okay." I told them. But honestly, I had been wondering the same thing. For the past few weeks, we had barely talked to each other. Aside from the "Hey" and "How was your day?" we rarely talked anymore. I couldn't even tell you the last time we even kissed each other.

"But really, Edward. How are you guys doing?" Jasper asked me. I stared at him and wondered what he was up to. He was probably going to try and pull some psycho babble bull shit on me and I just wasn't in the mood for that.

"Well, shit. I don't know. Bella and I hardly ever talk anymore. We are just pretty much existing. Aside from saying Good morning and good night, we rarely speak to one another. She won't talk to me. I don't think she talks to anyone but her therapist," I said angrily.

"That's not true, man. She comes over to the house all the time and talks to Rose and me. I think she is doing better." Emmett said. Jasper nodded his head.

"Yeah, she talks to Alice and me a lot too." I glared at him when he said this.

"So what you are trying to tell me is that my fucking wife speaks to everyone but me? Is that what you are telling me?" I tossed my napkin on the table and put my head in my hands.

"Man, we are just trying to help you guys. She tells Rose that she's worried about you. Have you tried to speak to someone?" Emmett asked.

"What do you mean? A therapist? I don't need a fucking therapist. I'm fine. I just wish my wife would talk to me, not some goddamn doctor." I spat out.

"Edward, I can suggest someone you can talk to. I have lots of colleagues that specialize..." Jasper began, but I cut him off. I stood up angrily and practically knocked my chair to the floor.

"I said I don't need to talk to a fucking therapist!"

**~* &*~**

I walked into our house after I made Emmett and Jasper drop me off. I wasn't in the mood for their meddling and I just wanted to get home. I noticed that Bella wasn't downstairs. She was probably lying down sleeping. She seemed to do that a lot lately. I decided to go up and take a shower to calm myself down. Walking down the hall, I saw that Lizzie's bedroom door was open and her light was on. I slowly stepped inside and saw Bella standing in Lizzie's closet, sobbing.

_I can't believe I did this to her. I broke her. It's all my fault that she is in this kind of pain. I should have been there to save her._

I stood leaning on the wall, just inside the room. I listened as her breaths seemed to even out as the sobbing slowed. She had calmed down a bit, turned around and gasped when she saw me standing there.

**BPOV**

I had a pretty hard day. Everyone had welcomed me back with open arms, but I could tell that they really didn't know how they should treat me. I had several meetings today with some of my clients and most had went well.

It still hurt sometimes to see children laughing and playing. It had gotten better since seeing my therapist though. I just wish that Edward would go to a couples therapist with me. Dr. Marks had suggested someone to me last week and I decided to speak to Edward tonight about it.

When I got home, I went straight to Lizzie's room. I'd made it a habit to go into her room every day and just remember. I wanted to remember the way she was in our home. I wanted to remember every time she giggled and played in her room. What I really wanted was to go in that room and see her playing there, but I knew that wouldn't happen.

I walked into her closet and remembered all the times she had hidden in here during her many games of hide and seek. I stood in the middle of her closet and sobbed. I don't know how long I stood there but I finally calmed myself down and decided to go back downstairs and wait for Edward to get home.

I turned around and gasped when I saw Edward standing against the wall.

"Edward, how long have you been standing there?" I asked him. He looked at me with his cold eyes and shrugged his shoulders at me. I decided that I might as well get this over with.

"Edward, I was thinking. Dr. Marks, my therapist, suggested someone to me today that we could talk to. Together. I think that we should make an appointment for later this week. I think it would help us."

He pushed himself from the wall and shook his head."Not you too," he said as he sat down on Lizzie's bed. I sat down beside him.

"What do you mean?" I hadn't mentioned anything to him about talking to someone since Carlisle had tried.

"That was Emmett and Jasper's big plan today. Let's get Edward to see a therapist." he said, rolling his eyes at me.

"Well, maybe it's a good idea." I told him, playing with the hem of my skirt and looking down. He stood up from the bed and looked down at me.

"I don't need a therapist, Bella. Speaking to some counselor isn't going to bring my baby girl back. I don't want some doctor trying to make me forget about her!" He shouted at me. I stood up from the bed and stood facing him.

"Is that what you think I am doing Edward? Trying to forget about Lizzie?" I said, crying.

"No, Bella," he said, angrily, "But _I_ don't need a fucking therapist and I'm tired of everyone telling me that I do!"

"Edward, please just listen." I sobbed, but the anger in his eyes were evident and stormed past me out the door. I stood gaping at the spot where he had been standing. A few moments later I heard the front door slam shut and his car speed off. I laid down on Lizzie's bed and cried. Edward and I were slowly slipping apart, I had lost my daughter and now I was losing my husband. I hugged Lizzie's pillow as I cried myself to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**EPOV**

Storming out of the house, I jumped into my car and sped away. I was so tired of everyone telling me that I needed to speak to someone. I was doing just fine on my own. I had no desire to speak to a counselor about my feelings, no matter how much it has helped Bella. I wished everyone could understand that.

I drove almost mechanically. I didn't realize where I was until I saw the bright lights of the hospital parking lot up ahead. It was only six in the afternoon, yet I really didn't feel like going in to the office and doing paperwork. I had been there almost constantly over the past few weeks and really didn't want to spend any more time there than necessary. I decided to stop in the coffee shop around the corner from the hospital and just be alone.

As I walked in the front door, the bell chimed. I looked around the room, it was pretty empty which I was glad for. There was some quiet music playing in the speakers above. A young lady came up to the register as I stepped forward.

"Hi Dr. Cullen," she said, smiling. I was a usual customer here on my days at the hospital. I couldn't stand the awful coffee in the hospital cafeteria, so I'd always came here to fill my caffeine needs.

"What can I get for you this evening?"

"Let me just get a large black coffee, please." She turned away and began to fix my coffee. I heard the bell ring behind me as someone else had entered the shop.

"That will be $2.75, Dr. Cullen," the woman told me as she sat the coffee cup on the counter. I reached in my back pocket and pulled my wallet out. When I opened it, a picture fell out and floated to the ground. Looking down, I noticed the woman behind me already had the picture in her hands. She stood back up and I was met with piercing blue eyes. Smiling brightly, she flipped her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder and handed me back the picture.

"She's very beautiful," she said, looking down at the picture with me. It was a picture Bella had taken of Lizzie and I last summer at the beach, the same day as the family one I stuck in the coffin with Lizzie. I smiled weakly as I remember that we had promised her we'd go back there this year and now we wouldn't get to.

"Thank you," I told her, my voice cracking, I tried to hold back the tears, but there was no use, they began to fall. All the emotion and turmoil that had built up in me recently had decided now to escape, in front of a total stranger.

She looked at my face and saw that I was crying, "I've got this. You go ahead and take a seat." I shook my head and tried to tell her that I would buy it but she motioned for me to go sit down. I put my wallet back in my pocket, took my coffee and headed to the back table as the stranger paid for mine as well as hers.

I sat down and placed Lizzie's picture down on the table in front of me. I lightly grazed Lizzie's face in the picture with my finger. The young woman came back a few moments later with her coffee as well as two muffins. She placed them down on the table in front of me and took a seat."I wasn't sure if you wanted anything else to go with your coffee, so I got you a muffin," she reached her hand across the table to shake mine, "my name is Tanya." I smiled widely at her and shook her hand. I had no idea why, but I suddenly felt very comfortable with her.

"Edward," I said, shifting in my chair, "I am sorry you had to see that. I had just been dealing with so much and then you said that about my daughter and it just all came flooding back." She shook her head knowingly at me as she sipped her coffee.

"I completely understand," she told me, "how long as she been gone?" I looked up at her now, shocked. How did she know? I didn't remember actually saying anything about Lizzie being dead.

"How did you know?" I asked her. It felt so good to speak with someone who didn't already know about my situation. Everyone at the hospital and my own family had acted as if they were walking on eggshells around me and to say I was fed up with it was an understatement.

"I can tell the look of a parent who has lost a child. Your eyes look so empty. You look broken. I have been there myself in fact. Three years ago my little boy drowned in our back yard swimming pool. My husband was there and Jamie just got away from him. One second they were playing hide and go seek together and the next minute the entire neighborhood was out searching for him. All it took was a few seconds and my life changed forever." She looked at me with tears in her eyes. I handed her a napkin from the table and she said a quiet thanks.

"Elizabeth, Lizzie, has been gone for six weeks," my voice cracked and tears fell from my eyes. She reached across the table and took my hand in hers. It felt good to have contact with someone, anyone. I couldn't remember the last time I had even held someone's hand.

I suddenly felt very comfortable discussing my situation with this stranger.

"It was a horrible accident. She was hit by a car here in town. She was with my wife. I should've been there. If I was there maybe I could've saved her. And then when they brought her into the hospital, maybe I could've done something. Being a doctor, I should've been able to do something. But it all happened so fast, it didn't even register with me, what was going on, until the Doctor came out to tell us she was gone. If I had known, if I had a clear mind, I could've done something. I let them down, both my wife and my daughter. I can't forgive myself so how can my wife forgive me for not saving her?" I sat there sobbing to a complete stranger, but somehow it felt good to get some of this guilt off my chest. I hadn't voiced any of this to my family, let alone Bella, but here I was sharing everything with Tanya.

"Edward," she said, rubbing my hand gently with hers, "we all feel that at first, that there should've been something we could've done, some way we could've changed the outcome. I felt that way for months after Jamie died. If I hadn't been at that damn spa taking care of myself I would have been there with them. Maybe we would've all been playing together or doing something different inside the house. All the what if's ran through my mind, they still do."

"I just miss her so much sometimes. Hell, all the time. I see children laughing and playing and I want to break down in tears. I can't even spend time alone by myself in my own home without going crazy. I have to have some type of noise going all the time so I don't notice how quiet the world is without her. I don't talk to anyone anymore. I feel hopeless. I can't sleep at night. I get angry over the stupidest shit." I put my head down on the table and felt Tanya run her hands through my hair. It felt so good to have someone touch me. I missed my daughter so much, but dammit, I missed Bella too.

"My wife hates me. She won't talk to me. I can't remember the last time we even held a conversation. I think she blames me. I blame me," I told her raising my head back from the table to look at her face.

"Edward, I am sure she doesn't hate you. She doesn't blame you either. You shouldn't blame yourself, in situation like these, there is no one to blame. It was a tragic accident. Blaming your self is not going to bring your daughter back." I was silent for a few minutes, my heart was aching. I knew what she was saying was true, my mind was screaming it but it wasn't registering with my heart. I swallowed hard, my Adam's apple bobbing as I fought off the sobs. She reached for my hand again. The comfort of that one little gesture was alarming. "I know it's hard right now and it will be for a while, but you need to stick with each other. Believe me, it will be harder if you don't. You need each other, Edward. She's hurting just as much as you, she needs you, like you need her. Shutting her out is not helping either one of you."

"I can't face her, I'm too scared to ask, to afraid to hear her tell me what I already know."

"Edward, your wife is probably blaming herself. You say she was with your wife? Correct," I nodded, "My husband still blames himself, still has nightmares and still tells me how sorry he is. I don't blame him, Edward, I never did, but he blamed himself and that tore him apart and almost tore us apart. But once we talked about it and I told him I didn't blame him we worked through the grief together. You need to talk to you wife, you need to get through this together."

"She wants me to talk to someone, she wants us to go to therapy, but I can't. I don't want to, I don't want to have some shrink help me forget my little girl."

"Is that what you think? That a shrink is going to make you forget her? Oh Edward, honey. That's not what's going to happen. You will never forget your little girl, you'll just get help with learning how to deal..."

I cut her off and shook my head 'no'. I didn't want to talk about going to see someone. I could feel the anger build and I didn't want to be angry with Tanya, talking with her tonight has helped. So I changed the subject and we sat there for a while exchanging stories about Elizabeth and Jamie. I started to feel good, sharing the stories of my little girl with someone. It felt good to laugh again. I believe, if Lizzie and Jamie would have met while they were still alive, the two of them together would have been hell on wheels.

I looked down at my watch and realized it was near nine o'clock and I had to be at work early tomorrow. I couldn't believe I had been sitting here for three hours talking to Tanya. It felt good though, to be able to talk to someone that went through what I was going through and survived, to be able to share stories with someone who didn't know Lizzie.

"I really should get going Tanya. Thank you so much for sitting here listening to my sob story," I said, laughing a bit, "I know you really didn't have to, but it helped me a lot." She smiled at me and hesitated for a moment then said,

"Actually Edward, it's what I do, well, what I used to do. I was a trained grief counselor for the hospital back in Phoenix. We recently moved to Forks and I haven't had a chance to send out my resume yet." I looked at her, shocked. I had just spent three hours talking to what might as well have been a therapist even though I had been telling everyone that I really didn't need to.

"R-Really? I stuttered, "Well thank you. It helped a lot to get some of that off my chest."

It was strange how easy it was to talk to Tanya and what was even stranger was that I felt good about it. She was a grief counselor not a shrink, maybe I did need to talk to someone, but on my own time, like this. Not in some office, what I needed was a friend.

"Anytime, Edward. I'll tell you what. Give me your cell phone and I will add my number. If you ever feel the need to talk, just give me a ring." I smiled at her and handed her my phone. I really did feel a lot better than I had before storming out of the house earlier.

"Actually, Tanya. Do you think that we could do this again sometime this week. Like, say, Thursday. I will be on duty then. Maybe you can meet me for a little while, back here?" I asked her, looking down at the floor. I really didn't want to rely on someone like this, but I was beginning to feel human again after talking with her for just a few hours.

"Sure Edward. That's fine. Does around three o'clock work for you?"

"Yeah, three o'clock sounds good. I'll see you then. Thank you again," I said to her, as she gathered her things and walked out of the coffee shop.

**~* &*~**

I pulled up in our driveway and saw that all the lights in the house were off. Walking inside, I threw my keys on the table in the foyer and kicked my shoes off. I glanced in both the kitchen and living room, Bella wasn't in either one. I walked upstairs and looked in Lizzie's room. I could tell that Bella had been there earlier, but she was no longer there.

I made my way into our bedroom and was surprised that Bella wasn't there. I sat down on my side of the bed and turned on the lamp on the bedside table. Looking over at Bella's side, I noticed there was a piece of paper lying there. I picked it up and began to read.

_Edward,_

_Since you decided to leave I figured I could too. I just couldn't stay in this house all night by myself and I had no idea when exactly you'd be back. I didn't want drive in the condition I was in, so I called your mother and had her pick me up. I will be staying there over night._

_Bella_

Great. Just fucking great. Now I would have to deal with my mother wondering why in the hell I had left. I sure as hell couldn't tell them that I couldn't bear to look at my wife anymore because all I saw on her face was the pain that I had caused her. I knew that I wasn't helping Bella out any by avoiding her and I did want to talk to her but I wanted her to stop trying to get me to talk to someone. _Wait, that's exactly what did tonight._

Everything in my mind just got even more messed up, I fucked up again, I had to deceive Bella.

**BPOV**

After Edward left last night, I laid on Lizzie's bed crying for a while. I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I was trying to get him to speak to me, but he wouldn't. He couldn't even look me in the eye anymore. I felt like I was losing my husband. I felt like I already had.

After trying to calm down for a few minutes, I realized it wasn't working. I called Esme and asked if she could come pick me up. I didn't think I could stay in this house all alone, at night. She came by and picked me up and I immediately went up to the guest room and went to bed. I had a session with my therapist in the morning and needed to be well rested for the emotions I would face. That's the way it was every time. I think that's what was helping me so much. I wasn't keeping everything bottled up inside anymore, so it wasn't eating away at me. That's what I wanted for Edward. I wanted him to be able to talk about how he was feeling, if not to me, then to a counselor or therapist or some one that could help him in ways, that I obviously could not.

**~* &*~**

"Mrs. Cullen, Dr. Marks will see you now," the receptionist said from behind the desk. I stood up and gathered my coat and purse and walked into her office. I had been coming here for a few weeks now and had become comfortable finally. The first few visits had been hard. I was closed off but knew that I needed to get help. I was hurting everyone around me. I had barely seen Rose or Alice at all after Lizzie's death. I hardly ever left the house.

I sat down in the chair opposite Dr. Marks' desk and made myself comfortable. She finished up what she was typing on her computer and picked up a pen and her yellow legal pad.

"Hello, Bella. How are you doing this afternoon? Yesterday was your first day back at work, right?"

"I am doing good. Yes, yesterday was my first day back at work. It went okay." I kept fidgeting with my hands in my lap.

"Were there any complications? Any episodes?" Dr. Marks had begun to call my emotional breakdowns, episodes. They had begun to happen a lot more frequently after our trip to the mall, but not as much since I had started therapy. The first few episodes had lasted hours. Lately, when I had one, they only lasted minutes.

"I had to go into the bathroom and sit for a while when one client came in. Her daughter said something that reminded me of something Lizzie used to say and I broke down. It didn't take me as long to recover this time." Dr. Marks had taught me some breathing exercises that many of her patients used during panic attacks to help me calm down.

"That's good. I am glad you are finding ways to cope. Now, tell me, did you speak with Edward about visiting the couples counselor?" She leaned back in her chair and raised her eyebrow questioningly at me. I had been putting off asking him to accompany me and she knew this.

"Yes, I spoke with him. He got rather angry and left the house. I spent the night at his mother's. I still can't spend any long periods of time in the house alone, especially at night." I looked down at my lap while she scribbled on her pad.

"So, Edward still isn't speaking with anyone?" I shook my head no and she scribbled some more. That is one thing I hated about therapy. I wish I knew what she was scribbling on that damn yellow legal pad.

"Are his brothers and father still trying to get him to speak with someone?" I nodded my head.

"Yes, they took him out yesterday and brought it up to him. He got in a big argument with them, I assume, and left. That's when I decided to pounce on him with the therapy question. I probably could have done it at a better time." I shook my head and closed my eyes, realizing how stupid I had been. If I had just given him time to get over his anger with his brothers I might have gotten through to him.

"No, Bella. He needs to talk with someone. It is helping you so much, so you know it will probably help him as well." I opened my eyes to look at her.

"It's just that I can't even talk to him. He doesn't make a move to talk to me. He can't look at me. He hates me. I didn't protect our little girl the way I should have and he blames me. I blame me." I began to cry now, and Dr. Marks handed me a tissue from the box on the table.

"Bella, I'm sure he doesn't blame you. He is just hurting and has no idea how to express his emotions. I want you to do something for me today when you get home. I want you to try to talk to him. Not about therapy or Lizzie, just talk. Talk to him about your day, ask him about his day. Talk, like you used to. Do you think you can do that?" I nodded my head and wiped the tears from my eyes.

I talked a little more about my day at work and as always, she had me end my session with a happy memory of Lizzie. I smiled as I recalled my memory, closing my eyes and picturing my litle girl laughing with me, the buzzer sounded to let me know that our session was over. I stood up an thanked Dr. Marks. I walked out of the office, feeling a little more at peace and with today's therapy, I had decided that tonight, I was going to get my husband to talk to me. I needed my husband to talk to me.


	9. Chapter 9

**EPOV**

When I arrived home the next day from work, I was a little nervous. I hated not telling Bella about meeting and talking to Tanya, but I felt that I needed to keep the fact that I was talking to someone a secret. Everyone had been trying to get me to talk to someone for weeks and I knew that they would try and claim victory over the fact that I finally was. But it wasn't for them, it was for me. I had decided to take that step for myself, not for Bella, not for my family, but for me. I was in the living room thinking when I heard Bella come home. She walked in biting her lip. The way her sad eyes looked at me, I was beginning to wonder if she knew. She did, after all, know me all to well.

Sitting down in the chair by the couch, she eyed me carefully. She asked me about my day and I told her about some of the interesting surgeries that I had participated in. I asked her about her day. I knew that she had a therapy appointment that morning and I wondered if the doctor had tried again to get her to convince me to see someone. Bella made no mention of her therapy visit, so I didn't ask..

We talked for a few hours, about work, my parents, Rose and Emmett and their impending arrival, while eating the Chinese takeout.

It was nice to sit and talk about our day. I saw a hint of happiness in Bella's eyes when she smiled. I missed her smile, and they way it made her eyes glow.

We cleaned up, her washing the dishes and me drying, just like we used to. My heart was still aching, though. I still hurt her and I hated that. But it was nice to do something even if it was as small as washing dishes. We were still doing it together.

Once we were done, Bella started yawning. I could tell she was exhausted and truth be told, so was I.

"Are you tired, love?" I asked.

"Yeah." She replied, yawing again.

"Come on, let's go up to bed." I suggested, taking her hand in mine. She sighed and I could tell she was swallowing back sobs, hell I was too. It was nice to have Bella's hand in mine.

When we passed Lizzie's room, she stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. We both just stood there for a second then walked to our room.

Bella did her nightly routine first, then I went in and did mine. When I walked back into the bedroom, she was curled up under the blankets sleeping.

I laid on the bed next to her, putting my hands behind my head and leaning back, I thought back to the conversation with Tanya and how good it felt to talk to someone.

After about 10 minutes, Bella started thrashing back and forth and calling out for Lizzie. She hadn't been having the nightmares as much lately, but they still happened. She cried and whimpered in her sleep for hours. I tried to console but it was impossible. As she tossed and turned, I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling, hating myself for making her go through this pain.

**~* &*~**

The next few weeks, went by pretty fast. Bella and I had a nice routine going on. The nights I was home, we would talk about our day, or just sit and watch a movie. We would hold hands but never went past that. There were times when I felt like we were ignoring what we really should be talking about but I didn't want to ruin what we had started to build.

I had I continued to meet twice a week with Tanya at the little coffee shop across from the hospital. We also had shared numerous texts, phone calls and emails. We would talk about Jamie and Lizzie and all the things they loved to do to make us, as parents, want to pull our hair out. I would talk about work and some of the things that had gone on during the week. I loved talking about my baby girl. When ever I would tell a story about her, it made me feel good. I felt close to her. And I could tell it was the same with Tanya when she would talk about Jaime. The one thing neither of us mentioned was our spouses. I honestly had no idea what to think about that. I wondered if Bella talked about me in her therapy sessions.

Today was Tuesday and that meant that Tanya and I would meet for coffee after work. I was a little excited to get out of here and talk. It felt good to have something to look forward to finally.

"Dr. Cullen," one of the nurses called to me as I walked out of the restroom, "there are multiple injuries coming in and they're thinking that most, if not all, will need surgery. We are going to need you to stay after your shift." I ran my hands through my hair and moaned.

"Okay," I told her, "just give me minute to call my wife and let her know that I won't be home in time for dinner and I will head down to the ER." I walked into the break room and pulled my cell phone from my pocket and dialed home. I knew Bella wouldn't be home yet, but I could leave a message. It rang four times and the machine picked up.

"Bella, something has come up and I am not going to be able to make it home for dinner, just plate some left over's and stick them in the fridge for me. Gotta go. Thanks." I ended the call and stuck it back in my pocket and headed down to the ER.

**~* &*~**

Hours later, I was completely exhausted. Like they said, most of the injuries had required some type of surgery, but thankfully everyone had pulled through. I tossed the gloves I had been wearing in one of the bins by the door and walked out into the hall. I turned the corner and heard someone walking really fast, their heels hitting the linoleum quickly. I looked up to see Tanya coming down the hall towards me.

"Shit Tanya," I told her, "I completely forgot about coffee." She reached me and hugged me tightly. We had begun to do that in greeting. I felt like she was quickly becoming a very good friend of mine.

"It's okay, Edward, I got a little worried so I came in and someone had told me that you were in surgery." she said, pulling away from the hug. I smiled widely at her and we sat down in some of the chairs that lined the hall and I kept apologizing.

"There was some huge accident on the highway and there were multiple injuries. I should have called and let you know I wouldn't be able to make it, but it completely slipped my mind," I told her, and placed my hand on hers that rested in her lap.

"It's fine Edward. Really. How about if we just meet tomorrow instead? I know that you wanted to discuss some dreams that you have been having and I hate to have them making you feel guilty or something."

She was right. I had needed to tell her about some dreams I had begun to have. And yes, they were making me feel guilty. I had finally started to resolve some of my guilt, but since these nightmares started, the guilt had come back full force.

"That sounds like a perfect idea. Can't wait, really," I told hugged me again and said she would see me tomorrow. After she left, I walked down the hall to my office. Stepping inside, I noticed that someone had left a plate of food on my desk.

**BPOV**

The past few weeks had been going great. I felt like Edward and I were getting closer again. We started talking more, I was thrilled that I getting my husband back. I knew we still weren't talking about our feelings and about Lizzie, but I thought that once we were connected again, that would come.

I got home from work that day, weeks ago, after meeting with my therapist, I eyed Edward carefully as he sat in the living room, trying to gauge his mood. I sat down in the chair by the couch and just decided to do it. I asked him how his day was and he talked. Yes it could have been the most boring conversation we had ever had, but I couldn't help but be thrilled that my husband was talking to me again.

We ordered takeout and talked for hours. He asked me questions about my day and I answered. It felt good to talk to my husband again. I was probably scaring people at work lately because I pretty much talk to everyone. It was hard going home at night and just being quiet, not speaking at all. This talking was wonderful, I craved it.

We had been talking more and more over the next few weeks. It had been nothing major, but it was a step. I asked him yesterday if he wanted me to cook dinner tonight and he agreed. I went grocery shopping after work and picked up the things I would need to make spaghetti, garlic bread and a salad.

I walked in the house and tossed my keys on the table by the door. I noticed the machine was blinking but there was no way I could press the play button with all these bags in my hands. I walked into the kitchen and put all the groceries away and made my way back to the phone.

_"Bella, something has come up and I am not going to be able to make it home for dinner. Just plate some left over's and stick them in the fridge for me. Gotta go. Thanks."_

Well, that was quick and to the point. He probably had some type of emergency surgery or something. I understood because I had been dealing with it our whole married life. I decided to put myself out there. I was going to go ahead and make our dinner, and I was going to take it to him at work. I would show him how much I appreciate him trying for me.

**~* &*~**

Once the spaghetti and garlic bread were done, I plated some and grabbed the salad I had made from the fridge and drove down to the hospital. I walked into the hospital and smiled at the nurses as I made my way inside. It was only recently that I had been able to return to the hospital. I didn't really see how Edward had done it so quickly after Lizzie's death. All I could think about this place at first was how my baby girl had died here. Yes, I still thought about that, but now, it was also the place where my husband worked.

I rode in the elevator up to Edward's floor and stepped out. Walking down the hall, I heard someone's heels hitting the floor rather loudly. I rounded the corner but stepped back when I realized what I saw. I peeked back around the corner and gasped, quietly.

Edward was standing there while some strawberry blonde had her arms wrapped around him. She was tall, thin and as she pulled away from him, I saw that she was gorgeous. He was smiling at her. And I realized that I hadn't seen that smile in months. Yes, he had smiled, but it wasn't one that reached his eyes. This smile he was giving her completely lit up his face.

I watched them as they sat down together in the chairs that lined the hall. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I had a feeling that I might not want to. When he reached over and placed his hand over hers in her lap, I almost lost it. I yanked my head back from around the corner. The tears began to fall from my eyes before I could stop them. I made my way to Edward's office and practically tossed the plate on his desk. I left no note to let him even know I had been there.

The whole drive home I sobbed uncontrollably. These past few weeks I thought that Edward and I had begun to get closer again. When really, he was finding comfort in another woman's arms. I didn't understand how he could do this. I had lost my daughter and now he was being taken from me too. No he wasn't being taken, from what it looked like, he was willingly walking away.

I walked into our house and up to our bedroom. I stripped off my clothes and stepped into the shower. I broke down sobbing again, I cried until the water started to run cold. Stepping out of the bathroom, I realized Edward still wasn't home. I quickly got dressed for bed, not thinking I could handle seeing Edward when he arrived home tonight. I pulled back the covers and climbed into bed, crying myself to sleep.

**~* &*~**

I woke up in the morning to the sounds of the shower running. He was getting ready to leave for work and I had the day off. I laid back and ran over last night events in my head. I was interrupted from my thoughts by a buzzing sound. I looked over and saw Edward's cell phone vibrating on the nightstand. I picked it up and noticed he had a new text message. Not even thinking, I flipped the phone open and began to read.

_Hey Edward! So glad we decided to meet today._

_Missed our get together yesterday._

_See you soon._

_T_

_What the hell? Who is T? Is this the woman Edward was hugging yesterday? How long had they been seeing one another? How long had this been going on right under my nose?_

I heard the shower cut off and shut the phone quickly, placing it back on the nightstand. After a several minutes Edward stepped out from the bathroom, completely dressed. He looked at me and wrinkled his brow. He shook it off and walked over to the nightstand, grabbing his phone.

"I should be home in time for dinner tonight. If not, I'll call and let you know," he told me, and walked out of the room. I probably should have confronted him about this "T" person, but decided not to. Why, I really didn't know. What I really wanted to do the minute he walked out that front door was to ransack his little home office and go over every piece of paper in there. I wanted to check every link he had clicked on in the past few months on his computer. I wanted to pour over every email he had written and received lately. But I couldn't do that. I needed to calm myself down and trust him.

**~* &*~**

I had tried to stay busy all day. I knew that if I gave myself time to think, I would go snooping. And I couldn't do that. I wasn't sure if I was scared of what I would find or what. By four o'clock in the afternoon, I finally decided to sit down and relax and watch a movie. I made myself comfortable on the couch and picked up the remote. Before I could even hit play, the phone was ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," Edward said," I am not going to be home in time for dinner again tonight. Ummmmm, something came up. I will just grab something from the cafeteria so you don't need to bother with saving me anything."He was rushing through his words so fast that I barely understood him.

"So," I said, "you're sure you don't want me to take something over to the hospital? I can bring you something over." He didn't mention that he had eaten what I left him last night. I don't think he even knew that I had left it for him.

"No!" he said quickly, "I mean, don't worry about it. I can get something here." There was a long pause in conversation. I honestly didn't know what to say to him without blurting out the questions I really wanted answers to.

"So, yeah. I really should get going," he said, "gotta lot of work to do. I'll see you later tonight."

"Okay, love you," I said. I paused, waiting for him to answer. When I heard nothing, I looked down at the phone in my hand and realized that the call had been disconnected. Yeah, that hurt.

I sat around for a little bit and once again contemplated snooping. I needed to confront him but I didn't want to fly off the handle. And the way I was feeling right now, that is exactly what I would probably do.

I decided to go for a drive. I hopped in my car and just drove. I ended up right in front of the little coffee shop by the hospital. I pulled over and parked on the other side of the street from it. I really didn't need any caffeine this late in the day but I knew this place had wonderful muffins because Edward used to bring them home to Lizzie sometimes.

I sat there debating whether or not I would go inside, a couple coming out of the hospital doors caught my eye. As the two of them got closer I realized why they had caught my eye. It was Edward and the strawberry blonde that I saw him with yesterday. I ducked down in the seat a bit and watched them walk over to the coffee shop. Edward was laughing at something she had said. I hadn't heard him laugh in months and it hurt me to see that she was able to make him.

As they got to the door, Edward held it open for her and they walked inside. They walked up to the counter and placed their order, Edward paying of course, the gentleman he was. They sat down at a table near the window where I could see them pretty good. They began talking and Edward started rubbing the back of his neck. Then little miss bimbo, as I had started calling her in my head, stood up and walked over behind him. She placed her hands on his shoulders and began to massage him. I could almost hear Edward moaning in my mind. He loved it when I massaged his neck and shoulders after a long day of work.

I couldn't watch anymore. I sat up and put my seatbelt back on and rushed home. I was surprised that I wasn't crying. I walked inside the house and slammed the door. I fixed myself a sandwich and sat down to eat it, wondering what in the hell was going on with my life. Did I really just see my husband having coffee with another woman? Surely, I must be mistaken. Edward would never do that, would he? He had changed so much in the few months since Lizzie's death and I realized that I barely knew him anymore. What if he had become the type of man that would cheat on his wife just months after the death of his child? What if his grief and our issues had drove him to the arms of another woman?

I threw my sandwich away, unable to eat anymore and went upstairs to bed. I tossed and turned, but evidently fell asleep. I woke up when I felt the bed move as Edward climbed inside. I laid there quietly and let him think that I was asleep. After a few minutes I heard his breath even out and he began to lightly snore. I pulled the covers back slowly and climbed out of bed. I tiptoed over to his side of the bed and looked on the side table for his cell phone. Yes, I had decided it was time to snoop. The phone wasn't there so I figured he had plugged it in downstairs to charge.

I looked over at him again to make sure he was still asleep and walked out of our room. Walking into the kitchen, I spied his phone plugged in and sitting on the counter. I wondered to myself if I really wanted to do this as I held the shiny phone in my hand. Taking a deep breath, I powered the phone and went to his contacts, immediately looking for the T's.

Timothy.....a fellow doctor at work that I had met many times at hospital

Tino's.....a local pizza place

Tanya.....Tanya......Tanya......I couldn't place that name for the life of me. I assumed that this had been the T that had sent the message. I looked at the number and made sure to remember it as I scrolled to the incoming messages. My stomach dropped as I read them.

_Hey E, we still on for tomorrow?_

_T_

_You know I will be would I miss it?_

_E_

_Looking forward to Thursday_

_T_

_I am looking forward to it as well_

_E_

_Wow, two times a week? I must be special_

_T_

_Yes, you are least to me you are._

_E_

The messages dated back from weeks ago. There were lots of them. I didn't think I could handle reading anymore. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I tried not to cry but I couldn't stop the tears as they fell from my eyes. I powered the phone off and sat it back down on the counter. I walked upstairs and looked at Edward lying in the bed sound asleep. I took my pillow off the bed and walked out. I opened Lizzie's bedroom door and smiled. It had been a while since I had been able to do that walking into this room. I needed to be close to my baby girl tonight, because I sure as hell didn't want to be anywhere near her father.

I laid my pillow down on the bed and pulled her pink comforter back. Lying down, my mind began to race over everything that I had uncovered today. It had been a shocking day, to say the least.


	10. Chapter 10

**EPOV**

I woke up to a very loud alarm clock. Slamming on the device, I groaned and sat up. I probably stayed out a little later than I should have last night. Tanya and I had began talking about the dreams I'd been having lately. Most of them focused on Lizzie and Bella. In the one dream that stuck out most, Lizzie, Bella and I were walking along the beach. Lizzie was standing in between Bella and I. Lizzie let go of both of our hands and suddenly disappeared. Bella and I just took each others hands and kept walking. Then, Bella would let go of my hand and disappear. Every time I had this dream, I would wake up sweating and breathing heavily. Tanya explained that it was probably my guilt manifesting itself in my unconscious state. She'd been trying to get me to talk with Bella and after a few meetings with her, she had suggested that I do go see someone with Bella. I usually blew it off. I was so afraid to admit that I did this to us, that I broke our family that I let Lizzie down.

I rolled over to watch Bella sleep for a few minutes before getting in the shower. But when I faced the other side of the bed, it was empty. I got out of bed and walked quietly into the hallway. I noticed Lizzie's bedroom door was open so I stepped inside. Bella laid bundled up on the tiny twin size bed. She clutched one of the stuffed animals Lizzie loved so much. She was whimpering in her sleep. I only caught a few words, but the ones I did catch practically broke my heart.

_Lizzie._

_Edward._

_Don't leave me._

I bent down beside the bed and brushed a stray hair away from her face. I knelt there and watched her sleep for as long as I could, shower be damned. Once I realized that I had to immediately get dressed and leave for work, I leaned over and gently kissed her forehead. "Baby, I am so sorry for not saving her. I wish every day that I could have been there for you, for her. I will never forgive myself for that." I let my hand linger a bit on her cheek but then pulled away to go and get ready for work.

**~*~*~*~**

The drive into work was exhausting. Usually, I have my morning shower to wake me up, but I spent that fifteen minutes watching my wife sleep. Once I entered the room this morning, she seemed to calm down a bit and actually sleep peacefully for once. I pulled into my parking spot and made my way inside the hospital.

I noticed some of the nurses at the registration desk whispering back and forth and wondered what new gossip was going around the hospital now. I said hello to some colleagues and made my way to my office.

Sitting my things on my desk, I noticed a post-it note attached to my phone. I picked it up and read it.

 

_Edward~_

_Meet me in my office as soon as you arrive this morning. I have an important matter I need to discuss with_ you.

_Carlisle_

 

I sighed and ran my fingers nervously through my hair. I wondered what on Earth was so important that my father wanted to see me in his office first thing. I ran many of the cases that I had worked on in the past few days through my head and nothing immediately jumped out at me in my memory. I was going to have to go to his office to see what he wanted.

I grabbed my coffee that I had gotten at the cafe earlier and made my way to my father's office. When I got to the door, I gently knocked and he told me to come inside.

"You asked to see me first thing this morning?" I told him, taking a seat in one of the chairs across from his desk. He closed his laptop and finally looked up at me.

"Yeah, I did son," he told me, and that was completely unusual. Usually, when we are at work, I am Edward or maybe even Dr. Cullen. He didn't make it a habit to call me son at work at all to keep from being accused of showing favortism, "so, you have anything you need to tell me about? Anything you want to talk about?"

_What the hell was he getting at?_

"What are you talking about Dad? I am not sure I understand?" I told him honestly.

"I am just giving you a chance to tell me yourself. I have heard some things around the hospital and I want to give you a chance to come clean to me yourself," He told me, giving me his full, undivided attention.

"Well, Dad, if I knew what the hell you were talking about, maybe I could tell you something. But until then, I have no idea what you are talking about." He stood up, placed his palms flat on the desk and leaned over towards me.

"Fine. You don't want to tell me on your own. I will just come out with it and ask you. I was just wondering when you were going to tell me you are having an affair?"

"What the fuck are you talking about? I am not having an affair!" I stood up from my seat and yelled at him.

"First off, watch your damn mouth at me, son. I might be your father, but I am your boss in this hospital and you will speak to me with respect. Secondly, it is all over this hospital that you have been seen on numerous occasions leaving the premises with some unknown woman. Everyone around here knows Bella and knows that the woman you have been seen with is definitely not her. You have been seen at the coffee shop across the street plenty of times, by plenty of people, so don't try and tell me that nothing is going on." I stood up and began to pace the floor.

"I am not having a fucking affair! People are so damned ridiculous and need to mind their own fucking business. Ta-, I mean, Dr. Hunter and I have been together a few times to get coffee. That is it! Nothing beyond that has happened!" I was furious right now. People just didn't know how to keep their god damn mouths shut. Now, my family is going to find out that I have been talking to a therapist and will want me to discuss any progress I have made. I am not ready for them to know this yet.

"So this woman, she is a doctor? How have I never heard of her before?" he asked me, clearly not believing a word I had said.

"Yes, she is a doctor. She is new in town and hasn't gotten around to getting a job in the area yet." I couldn't tell him what it was Tanya did or he would figure out why I was talking with her.

"Just answer one question for me Edward," my dad said, looking me straight in the eyes, "Are you sleeping with this woman, this Dr. Hunter?"

_What!?!?_

"I can't believe you're asking me this question. I am your son, for God's sake. You should trust me enough when I tell you that I am not having an affair that I'm telling you the truth. You know what, fuck it. I'm not going to answer it. If I was, it sure as hell wouldn't be anyone in this hospital's business, including you!" I yelled at him, before walking out the door.

**BPOV**

I slept horribly last night. I kept having these horrible dreams. First, Lizzie would disappear. Then Edward would. I would scream and beg him not to leave me, but he would vanish. All I could think about were those damn text messages before falling asleep last night so I am sure that was the cause of the nightmares.

I debated all day at work whether or not to check the computer at home for emails between Tanya and Edward. I knew it would be invading his privacy but I had to know. I finally decided on the drive home, that I was going to do it. I prayed to God that there weren't any but deep down, I knew there would be.

I walked inside our office and sat down in front of the computer. I fidgeted with my hands while waiting for the page to load. I typed in Edward's email and password and hit enter. His inbox loaded and I was immediately bombarded with emails from tdhunter to Edward. Edward hadn't even erased any of them. He obviously hadn't been expecting me to check his email account. I briefly wondered if I should be doing this but went ahead and clicked the most recent one sent.

_To: EACullen_

_From:tdhunter_

_Subject: Missed you!_

_Hey, sorry we couldn't meet up yesterday. I was so worried about you. Glad we decided to meet today instead. See you after your shift._

_Tanya_

 

I closed that one and picked another random email.

 

_To: EACullen_

_From: tdhunter_

_Subject: Happy to Help_

_I am so glad to here that I helped you out after your shift yesterday. Anytime you need me, you know I will be there._

_Tanya_

 

The more I read, the angrier I got. I decided to open up an email that Edward had sent Tanya.

 

_To: tdhunter_

_From: EACullen_

_Subject: Thanks_

_I just want to thank you again for helping me out. You have been a real life saver. I can't imagine where I would be right now without you in my life. I'll see you on Tuesday_

_Edward_

 

I closed the email and shut the computer down. I couldn't stand anymore. Edward had obviously found someone that he wanted to share his life with more than me. I guess I would just have to accept that. But I will be damned if I am letting him ruin our marriage without a fight.

I stormed downstairs and began pacing. I knew I was going to have to confront him about this tonight. The longer I sat and thought about it, the angrier I got.

I heard Edward's car pull up a few minutes later. He was earlier tonight so he obviously didn't have plans with her after work. He came in and tossed his keys on the table and placed his jacket and briefcase on the chair. He walked into the living room and noticed me on the couch.

"Hey," he said, sitting down beside me, "did you have a good day at work?" I kept staring at his face. How on earth could he be so nonchalant about ruining his marriage. I decided to just get it over with.

"How long?" I asked him, not explaining any further. I figured he would know immediately what I was talking about. It wasn't hard to figure out what was going on with the way he had been acting lately. I wondered just how stupid he thought I was.

"How long, what, Bella?" He looked at me, totally confused. I stared at his face blankly. When I wouldn't speak, he shook his head. "Look, I had a rough day at work and I just really want to get a shower and relax." He stood up and began to make his way to the stairs.

"Tanya." He stopped walking and turned around to face me. He tried to cover up the shock on his face but not before I caught site of it. He knew he had been caught.

"Tanya? Who's Tanya?" he asked me. I noticed his Adam's apple bob in his throat, he swallowed so hard. He should know better than to try and hid things from me. We had been together too long.

"Don't give me that bullshit," I yelled at him, standing up from the couch, "Don't stand there and act like you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about Edward! How long have you been seeing Tanya? How long has this been going on right under my nose? " I stood my ground, staring at him, waiting for him to give me an answer. He looked back at me, clearly defeated.

"It started a few weeks ago," he said quietly and then looked at me and wrinkled his brow. "How did you find out anyway?"

"Does it fucking matter how I found out? All that matters is that I did find out! I am asking the questions here. So what do you do, meet at the coffee shop, talk for a bit then go back to her place? Or do you rent a room some where? Or maybe you bring her here or to your car? Or maybe even take her back to your office? Because you obviously don't give a damn about who sees you!" I was furious now. I am sure the neighbors could probably hear me yelling at him but right now I really didn't care.

"Wait, WHAT? Bella, I think you have this all wrong. I have been talking to Tanya about Lizzie." He stood up and walked over to me. I flinched back from his touch. I really didn't want him anywhere near me right now.

"DO NOT TOUCH ME! What do you mean you have been talking to her about Lizzie?" Up until now, I had just been angry. But at the mention of Lizzie's name, I began to cry.

"I meet with her a couple of times a week and we just talk. She lost her child in a tragedy like me and she has helped me out a lot in the past couple of weeks. I don't know where I would be right now if it weren't for her." He was running his hands through his hair as he paced our living room floor. I stopped and just stared at him, not believing what he had just told me.

"So what, you two fell in love and started fucking each other to heal? Is that what you are trying to tell me?" I screamed at him, through my tears. He stopped pacing and looked at me, his eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched.

"God dammit, Bella, I'm not fucking her! I am not cheating on you! " he yelled at me. We stood in front of each other, no more than a foot between us, but I felt as if we were miles apart. I looked into his eyes and I knew he wasn't lying. And then it hit me. Edward wasn't fucking Tanya. But he was sharing a part of himself that he no longer shared with me. His thoughts, his feelings, his emotions. They belonged to her now, not me. He no longer shared those with me.

"You may not be fucking her, but you are definitely cheating on me." I told him, shaking my head back and forth, still crying.

"Bella, what the fuck are you talking about? I told you, I am not sleeping with her," he told me, reaching out to touch me. I stepped back again before he could touch me.

"Edward, have you ever heard of the concept of emotional affairs? That is exactly what you are doing with Tanya," I told him, as I looked out the window, " No, you might not be fucking her, but you are sharing a part of yourself with her. A part that you no longer share with me. You are talking to her about our daughter, Edward, OUR daughter. Something that you should be able to share with me. Something I have begged you to talk to me about." I turned around to face him now, tears falling down my face. When he didn't say anything I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands and sobbed. I felt the couch give when he sat down beside me.

"Bella, that is completely stupid. I am not having an affair of any kind with Tanya. We are just friends. I don't know where you came up with this shit, but it is ridiculous." He tried to put his arm around me but I slid over, away from him. I could see the hurt in his eyes when I wouldn't let him touch me but I couldn't find it in me right now to care.

"Baby, you gotta believe me. We're just friends. That's all. I would never cheat on you. You have to know that. Especially not now." I looked up at his face and I could see the tears in his eyes.

"Edward, I do believe that you aren't screwing her. But that fact doesn't make it hurt any less. You are sharing something with her that I have tried for weeks to get you to share with me. Do you know how bad it kills me that you went to a total stranger for that comfort and not me, your own wife? I've been trying to get that comfort for weeks. At least I'm seeing someone legit. I'm making the effort, for both of us and I've tried to get you to make the effort with me. I'm happy you're getting the help you need, but you lied about it, you hid it, you made an emotional connection with this woman and left me in the dark." When he didn't say anything, I had finally had enough. I was exhausted and I couldn't handle another minute with him right now.

"Get out." I told him, standing from the couch and folding my arms in front of my chest. He looked at me confused.

"Bella..." he said, but I interrupted him.

"Please, Edward," I begged him. My body began to tremble as the tears continued to fall.

"Baby, don't do this..." he said, inching closer.

"Get out!" I said, a little louder this time. He tried to step even closer to me, reaching his arm out.

"We need to talk...." he tried again.

"I said get the fuck out!" I screamed at him, pointing toward the door. He stumbled backwards a bit, shocked at my outburst. He realized I wasn't going to back down and nodded his head, stepping away from me.

"Let me just go grab some things and I'll leave." He said, before turning to walk upstairs. I sat back down on the couch and just stared at nothing really.

A few minutes later, Edward cleared his throat, alerting me of his presence in the doorway. I looked up at him and waited for him to speak.

"I called Emmett. I'm gonna stay there tonight. If you need anything, just call me. I know you don't like to stay here by yourself. Just, if you need someone, call me, Please," he said.

I stood up and walked past him, making my way up stairs. I walked into our bedroom and leaned up against the wall right by the door. A few moments later, I heard the front door shut and I slid down the wall and burst into another round of tears.


	11. Chapter 11

**EPOV**

I parked my car in the hospital parking lot and made my way inside. I was completely exhausted. I hadn't slept all that well at Emmett's last night. After Bella kicked me out, all I could do was replay the last few weeks and imagine all the possible times I could've told her about Tanya, should've told her about Tanya. I'd wanted to cover my own ass when all I really had done was make it that much harder on Bella. She, as well as my own father, believed I was having an affair with her. Hell, half the hospital probably believed it too.

I tried to explain the fact that I was not sleeping with Tanya to Bella and she seemed to understand. She just didn't fucking care. And I could see her point. I was spending time with another woman. A lot of time. But that didn't mean that I was cheating on my wife. There were plenty of people in this world that could be friends with people of the opposite sex and not be having an affair with them.

I walked into the emergency room entrance and said hello to a few of the nurses that were there. They began to whisper back and forth to each other once I started to walk away; I was beginning to get a little self conscious.

I stopped in the break room and fixed myself a cup of coffee. I felt someone staring at me and turned around to find that it was one of the interns here at the hospital.

"Rough night, Dr. Cullen?" He asked me. I laughed a little and nodded my head.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," I answered him honestly. _Sleeping on your brother's couch because your wife kicked you out could definitely count as a rough night in my book._

"Guess that blonde chick wore you out huh? She looks like she would be a spitfire in bed. Or wait, was it the wife?" he questioned. I turned around and saw the smirk plastered across his face.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked him, rather loudly. I must have startled him because he stepped back a little.

"It's all over the hospital, man. You've been screwing around with that hot blonde that we've seen you leave with. Even seen her come out of your office the other day."

I thought back and tried to remember anytime that Tanya had actually been in my office. There was a time last week when I had a particularly bad day and I had called her and asked her to meet me here. Even thinking back now I realize what a stupid idea that was.

"Look, you've got it all wrong. We're friends, only friends. Nothing is going on between us," I told him, drinking from my cup. He laughed a bit when I said this and nodded his head.

"Yeah, sure I do. I've heard that one before. You come out of your office, shirt un-tucked; tie undone, clothes wrinkled and hair looking like you just fucked someone real damn good. Yeah, I'm sure I've got it all wrong."I groaned and tried to remember that day in closer detail. I had a case that day where a young girl coded on the table and I'd almost lost her. It hit me really hard. I remembered lying down on my couch and spilling everything to Tanya. She had massaged my shoulders which had probably resulted in the wrinkled clothes. The messed up hair was from me running my hands through it in frustration.

I tossed my cup into the trash and looked the intern dead in the eyes. I didn't need anymore damn rumors running rampant around this hospital.

"You've got it all wrong. Just keep your damn mouth shut about shit you know nothing about." I stepped away from him and slammed the break room door shut on my way out.

**BPOV**

I sat on the couch in the living room sipping my cup of coffee. Rose and Alice sat across from me, both staring at me, waiting for me to spill my guts. They had both come over bright and early this morning, knowing I had the day off. They wanted to know why Edward had stayed the night at Emmett and Rose's. Evidently, he had avoided the two of them last night when he arrived, not that I could blame him.

"So, you gonna spill or what?" Rose asked me, leaning back in the chair she sat in, getting completely comfortable for my story telling.

"I will in a minute Rose. I am still trying to wrap my head around the situation," I told her. And honestly, I was. After lying in bed last night, going over everything I had said, he had said, I was still confused. I still didn't understand why Edward felt the need to lie about talking to someone. It was hard to sit here and think about him spilling his guts to her and her helping him get through this. We had all begged him numerous times to see someone, and yes, that's what he's doing but he's hiding it.

"Why don't you just start at the beginning, Bella," Alice said. I was a little nervous about telling Alice anything bad about her brother, but she said herself that she was here as my friend this morning, not as my sister in law.

"That's the thing, Alice . I really have no idea where the beginning even is," I leaned back into the couch and got comfortable. I knew I needed to talk to someone about this because I was pretty sure I was going to end up driving myself crazy trying to figure this all out on my own.

"So, you know I had been getting Edward to try and talk to someone about everything, you know, a therapist or something," I said, and they both nodded their heads in understanding, "well, he adamantly denied that he didn't need to talk to anyone so I just dropped it. Once I let that go, we had finally begun to talk to each other again. He'd come home and we would talk about our days at work and it was good. Really good."

"Well, I decided one afternoon, after he called and told me that he wouldn't be home for dinner, to fix him a plate and take it up to his office. So, I walk into the hospital, up to his floor and when I rounded the corner to go down the hall towards his office, I saw him and this woman. They were talking, hugging, touching. I sorta freaked out and ran out of there."

"Bella," Alice asked, "what do you mean touching?" I sighed and threw my head into my hands.

"Well, he touched her hands that were placed in her lap. Just casual touching I guess you would call it." She nodded her head and wanted me to continue.

"So, when he got home that night, I mentioned nothing about seeing him with her and he mentioned nothing of it to me. When he was in the shower the next morning, his phone buzzed and he had a text message, from her, I assumed. It mentioned something about meeting him later."

"That asshole," Rose muttered under her breath. I looked at her, a little shocked. But of course, Rose had never been one to hide her true feelings.

"Rose," I said, trying to stop her.

"What, Bella?" Alice asked me, "She's completely right. He's behaving like an asshole. I can't even believe right now that he's my brother. I swear to God, if that man was here right now..."

"Can I finish please, because honestly you haven't heard anything yet?" They looked at me, wide-eyed, shut their mouths and motioned for me to continue. If just that little bit of information got their blood boiling, what was the rest of the story going to do to them?

"So, the night after I found the text, he called again and said he would be late coming home. I got a little pissed and decided to go for a drive. Well, I ended up in front of the coffee shop by the hospital. And guess who I saw coming out of the hospital and walking over to the shop?" Both Rose and Alice 's eyes grew wide as I confirmed their suspicions.

"Yep, her and Edward. And get this; she was massaging his shoulders while they were talking! Anyways, after that, I rushed home and went straight to bed. Once he fell asleep, I snooped in his phone and found dozens of text messages between the two of them."

"What the hell is he thinking?" Alice asked me. I just shrugged my shoulders at her because honestly, I had no idea myself. I'd tried numerous times to make sense of his actions myself, but failed miserably.

"He isn't thinking. That's what his damn problem is. Or maybe he is thinking with the wrong part of his anatomy," Rose said.

"So, I came home from work a little early yesterday and decided to do a little more snooping on the computer this time. And I found out that the two of them had also been emailing each other. Needless to say, when he got home last night, I let his ass have it and told him to get the fuck out." I picked up my coffee and took a sip, preparing myself to be bombarded with all kinds of questions from these two.

"So, how long has he been fucking this whore? Does he even care what the hell he is doing to you?" Rose asked. I laughed a bit at her candidness.

"That's the thing Rose. He isn't fucking her. He just talks to her." They looked at me in shock, clearly not believing me.

"Talking my ass," Rose muttered under her breath. I laughed again.

"What do you mean Bella," Alice asked me.

"You see Alice , I actually believe him. Tanya and Edward just talk. They talk about Lizzie. Your brother talks to another woman about my child, our child. He felt the need to go to a complete stranger with his feelings instead of his own wife. And that, I have to say, hurts more than thinking he was fucking her."

The girls were silent for a moment. Alice to a deep breath then reached for my hands.

"Bella, please what I'm about to say is in no way condemning or condoning what my brother did but I'm trying to see both sides of it." I swallowed and nodded my head.

"We've all been begging him to see someone. Every one of us has asked him over and over to go talk to someone about his feelings. I know it hurts that he didn't tell you that he was talking to someone and I'm going to fucking kill him for how he went about it, but when you really think about it, Bella, he's finally opening up. He's finally doing what we all asked him to do. Yes, he's not talking to you about it and it sucks the way he's been treating you when you'd ask him to go with you to therapy, but when you look at the whole picture, you're not talking to him about Lizzie either. Actually I bet neither of you have spoken of her since her death."

I sat there with tears in my eyes. What Alice said made sense but it didn't help the fact that the way Edward went about it made it look like he was cheating. He smiled different with her than he did with me and I think that hurt the most.

The door bell rang and Alice shot up out of her chair to answer it while Rose and I looked at each other, completely confused.

**EPOV**

I walked into Emmett's living room and sat down on the couch. I threw my head back and closed my eyes, willing my headache to go away. Today had been filled with all kinds of fuckery. I had been asked about my actions several times today by several different people. As I opened my eyes and saw Emmett and Jasper staring back at me, I suddenly felt that it was only the beginning.

"Hey guys. What's up?" I asked them, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees.

"I don't know man," Emmett said, "why don't you tell me why you called last night looking for a place to stay?" I knew this conversation was coming. I had purposely gone straight to bed last night to avoid it.

"Bella kicked me out. I needed somewhere to sleep, other than my car." I knew that explanation wasn't going to hold them off for long.

"Well, that much we know, jackass," Jasper said, "why don't you tell us why she kicked you out." I sighed loudly and leaned back on the couch and prepared to spill my guts.

I went through the whole Tanya thing. I told them how we met, how often we talked, how she helped me out. And most importantly, how I kept it all from Bella.

"Let me get this straight," Emmett began, "you have been meeting with this Tanya person, having coffee, talking with her. But you have been talking about Lizzie? Yet you tell us, your own family, that you don't need to talk to anyone?" He looked at me, raising his eyebrows in question.

"Yeah, but when I first began talking to her, I had no idea she was a trained grief counselor. It just felt good to talk to someone."

"You are a complete fucking idiot," Jasper mumbled, shaking his head. I looked up at him, wide eyed.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean Jasper? I know I should've told Bella I was talking to a counselor, but I just couldn't. And now she comes up with this whole thing about emotional affairs and shit. I am not having an affair with her. We are just friends," I told him. I was getting a little tired of having to explain myself for what was probably the fiftieth time today.

"Edward, you might have just seen this as meeting a counselor or friend for coffee and talking, but did you ever stop to think about how this looked to everyone else?" Emmett asked me honestly.

"What do you mean Emm?" I asked him.

"Look Edward," Jasper began, "I am glad that you found someone, a counselor that you could talk to. But the way you went about meeting with her was completely unprofessional. What you guys shared over coffee and muffins should have been done in an office environment. To an outsider, this looks exactly like the beginnings of an affair. You have been staying late at the office, canceling dinner plans with your wife, and no telling what other things Bella has caught on to."

I leaned back onto the couch and let what Jasper and Emmett were telling me truly sink in. Is that what it looked like to all the people at the hospital? That I was having an affair with Tanya?

"Edward," Jasper said, looking me straight in the eyes, "an emotional affair is when a person shares their thoughts and feelings with someone other than their spouse. You find that you have more in common with the person and begin to feel emotionally attached to them. That is exactly what you have been doing with Tanya. You feel like you have a lot in common with her because she lost her son in a tragedy like you lost Lizzie. And I am not saying that you don't have anything in common with her. I just don't want you to get yourself in trouble, man. Because most emotional affairs continue until they become physical affairs."

"That is never going to happen Jasper," I told him, trying to get him to understand," Tanya and I are just friends. She has helped me a lot these past couple of weeks."

"And I understand that Edward, I really do. But look at it from Bella's perspective. She seen it as you sharing your feelings with another woman, whether she is a counselor or not, because of the setting you chose to meet with her. And personally, I don't blame her one bit," Jasper said. Emmett nodded his head.

"Yeah, man. I don't blame her either. If I pulled the shit you pulled, Rose would have my balls. You guys just need to talk. Get everything out in the open," Emmett said, and Jasper nodded this time.

"Yeah, I guess you guys are right. I really do need to talk to Bella. Hopefully a day alone and time to think for herself will have helped her cool off a bit." I grabbed my coat from the couch and stood up.

"Um, yeah, about that Edward. Bella hasn't exactly been alone today," Emmett said, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"Alice and Rose both headed over there first thing this morning. They've been there all day," Jasper said, grinning widely at me.

I got in my car and headed home, preparing for the hell I was about to walk in to.

_Shit. I was in major trouble._


	12. Chapter 12

**EPOV**

I pulled into our driveway and noticed Alice's car was still parked by the curb. I took a few deep breaths and prepared myself for the storm that I was about to walk in to. Yes, I am not gonna lie. My sister scares the shit out of me. And knowing that she has been here, all day, talking to my wife about the fucked up shit I pulled recently, has me wishing I could run upstairs and grab my cup before knocking.

I walked slowly up the walkway towards the front door. I felt stupid ringing the door bell at my own house but I sure as hell wasn't going to barge in there like I owned the place, even if I did.

I rang the doorbell and stuck my hands in my pockets and waited. Not two seconds later the door swung open and my sister was standing there. _Oh shit._

"You know you did a really stupid thing," Alice said.

Her hand raised, "Shit, Alice," I said, as I flinched away, thinking she was going to hit me. "Don't punch me." You wouldn't think someone so damn tiny could scare you but I had been punched by Alice before and I wasn't really looking forward to that again. I looked back up at her when I heard her snort slightly.

"Jesus Edward, I wasn't going to punch you although you deserve a whole hell of a lot worse than that, believe me," she mumbled under her breath. I looked up at her, she was still slightly pissed. But she also looked sad.

"I just wanted to come by and talk to Bella for a little bit," I told Alice. She stood in the door way and blocked my path inside.

"Well she doesn't want you here. She's not ready to talk to you. So just leave, Edward," she said, trying to shut the door in my face. I stuck my foot in the way to prevent her from doing that.

"Alice, you can't kick me off my own fucking property. Now let me in and let me talk to my wife," I yelled at her. I'm pretty sure the entire neighborhood heard us right now, but I really didn't care.

"Oh, so now you want to talk to your wife? What's wrong? Was Tanya too busy tonight? Did she have another patient she had to take care of?" Rose asked me as she came into view. I was taken aback by the amount of venom in Rose's voice as she spoke to me.

"It wasn't like that Rose, and you know it. You know I would never do something like that!" Rose was standing in front of Alice now, Alice had placed a hand on her shoulder. Thank God someone around here was calm and collected.

"Edward, Rose. Bella really doesn't need to hear you guys arguing right now," she told us, then looked at me, "why don't you take off Edward and give her some more time?" I shook my head no.

"That's bullshit, Ali. Let me inside so I can talk to my wife. We need to talk about this," I said, trying to push my way into my own damn house.

"Edward, do not make me call Charlie right now," Rose told me, holding her phone in her hand, "you know you don't need the chief hearing about this right now." I backed off a bit and nodded my head. Because God knows I didn't need my father-in-law finding out about this right now and certainly not in this way.

"Now leave, cool off. Both of you need time to think. Just give her some time Edward," Alice said, still standing in the doorway, blocking my entrance.

"Fine," I told them both, "I will give her some time. But I am not giving up. We need to talk. We have to talk." I turned around and started walking back towards my car. Alice finally walked back into the house once she saw I was actually leaving.

"And Edward," Rose said. I turned around to look back at her. "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't go back to our house tonight. Bella plans on stopping by tomorrow and I know she won't do it if she knows you are there."

"Alright then. Just let her know I'll be at my parents. You know, in case she needs anything."

"I can do that," she told me and shut the door.

I drove to my parents' house; thankfully they were already in bed. I really didn't feel like explaining this whole mess to them right now. I'd had enough enlightenment tonight. I quietly walked upstairs and made my way into my childhood bedroom. Lizzie liked to spend time in here when she stayed with my parents. There were pictures in here of Bella and me from our early days on up to senior prom and graduation. Lizzie loved to listen to anyone tell her the stories about how Bella and I met and explain each detail of the pictures of us that were in my room.

After taking a shower and dressing for bed, I laid down on the bed, with my hands behind my head and stared at the ceiling. I went over everything that had happened in the past few weeks. Bella and I had finally begun to talk again. We were making progress. Finally, I felt like I had control of my life again. But then she found out about Tanya. I admit I probably could have handled the situation a little better, like insisting on meeting in an office setting, or better yet, maybe even telling my wife that I was speaking to someone. I had reacted stupidly and now I was paying for it.

"You stupid, fucking asshole," I muttered to myself. I rolled over and tried to stop my mind from racing so I could get some sleep. But all I could think about was what was going to happen next. Was Bella going to leave me? Was our marriage ruined now because of my stupid actions? Would she ask me for a divorce? I could literally feel my heart break at the thought of not having Bella in my life anymore.

I tossed and turned half the night but evidently fell asleep at some point, because I was now waking up to the bright sun filtering in through the blinds on the window. And my phone was ringing on the bedside stand. I sat up quickly and opened the phone without even looking at the caller ID.

"Hello? Bella?" I said, eagerly hoping it was my wife. I prayed that she would finally want to speak with me. I hated leaving our home last night without actually talking to her. But what Rose said did actually make sense. She probably did still need some time.

"Good Morning to you too, Edward." Tanya said, laughing. I suddenly felt very guilty for even talking to her on the phone. _Where had this guilt been at before?_

"Oh yeah, good morning Tanya. Ummmmm, what can I do for you?" I asked her, then yawned very loudly. I had the day off, thankfully, because I didn't really get much rest at all last night.

"I was wondering if we were still on for coffee this afternoon. I know you're off today, so I just wanted to check on the time?" she asked.

_Shit._

I had totally forgotten about today. Which was highly unusual for me. I had been looking forward to the days I was meeting with Tanya. But suddenly, I felt guilty, and had more important things on my mind.

"Yeah, about that. I don't think today is a good idea. We probably shouldn't," I told her, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand and hoping she didn't ask why. I really didn't feel like explaining my whole fucked up situation another time, to yet another person.

"Oh, okay then. Did something come up?" she asks me, curiously.

"You could say that. Bella found out I had been seeing you and needless to say, I don't think she would be too thrilled with the idea of me meeting you today for coffee." The line stayed quiet for a few moments and I wondered what she was thinking.

"What do you mean Bella found out? Hasn't she known all along that we were meeting? Edward, did Bella not know that you were talking with me?" She asked, shock evident in her voice.

"No, she didn't. I never told her. At the time, I really didn't see a reason to," I said quietly.

"Jesus Christ Edward! What the hell were you thinking?" she yelled at me. _Great, another woman in my life pissed at me._

"I honestly don't know what the fuck I was thinking. And now there are all these rumors around the hospital that you and I are dating because some people saw us at the coffee shop several times. And some people even think we are sleeping together."

"Shit, Edward. What did you think people were going to think? We are constantly going to get coffee together. I have been in your office alone with you. What would that look like to you as an outsider?" she asked me, sighing at the very end.

"I wasn't really thinking about how it looked. I knew it was honest so I really didn't think too much about it. But now that I look back at it, I realize how it might have come off to some people."

"Look Edward, I am really glad that I was able to help you. But I can't do this anymore." she said.

"Can't do what anymore, Tanya? We can just try and meet, maybe in my father's office or something. He knows about everything now so I am sure if he knew how much you were helping me, that he wouldn't mind."

"No, Edward. I should have realized how unprofessional I was being. I was having coffee dates with you for Christ's sake! We should have been doing office visits from the beginning whether I had an office or not. I should have realized how this would come off. You aren't the only one who screwed up."

"But, we can do office meetings from now on. I don't have to stop seeing you."

"Edward, I have only just recently gotten my own marriage back on track. I don't need hospital rumors about a sexual affair breaking down what I have worked so hard to build back up. "

"Tanya, please don't do this. You have helped me so much. I need you." Tears had begun to fall from my eyes now.

"No, Edward. You need your wife. I suggest that you concentrate on fixing this mess that you caused. Goodbye Edward." she said, before disconnecting the line. I sobbed loudly now and threw my phone to the bed.

I had single handedly ruined what was, I thought to be, a great friendship. And probably, my marriage.

**BPOV**

The past few days have been hell. I learned from Rose that night that Edward was now staying with his parents. We hadn't talked at all. He left me voice mail messages, but I couldn't listen to them. He sent texts, but I immediately deleted them. He sent flowers, which I turned and threw in the garbage. I might be being harsh, but damn it, I'm hurt.

I walked into the diner and found Esme sitting alone by the window. She called me this morning and asked me to have lunch with her. I knew I couldn't ignore her forever so I reluctantly agreed. I honestly don't know why I am scared to talk to Esme. I did nothing wrong.

"Bella," she said, standing up and hugging me. I hugged her tightly and held back the tears that threatened to fall. We released each other and both sat down at the table.

"How have you been Sweetheart?" she asked me, grabbing my hand that was now placed flat on the table. I squeezed her hand as the tears I had been fighting hard to hold back fell.

"Not good, Esme. Not good at all," I told her honestly. I knew she had probably heard Edward's point of view of the whole situation. But she had asked me here for lunch, to hear mine I was sure.

We ordered our lunch when the waitress came over and sat quietly for a few minutes. I fiddled with my purse nervously wondering which of us would start the conversation. Once the waitress brought our food I figured I was safe, for now, but Esme had other ideas.

"Bella, as you know, Edward has been staying with us the past few days. I have heard his side of the story and frankly, I am disappointed in him. But, I do know there are two sides to this whole thing. And I know you have talked to Rose and Alice about this, but I was wondering if maybe you needed a motherly view of this. Someone with, maybe, more experience." She smiled slightly at me and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Esme, I'm not sure I should talk to you about this. I mean, he's your son," I said, taking a sip of my drink.

"I know he's my son, but today, I am here as your friend. I know this is something you would have probably gone to your mother about. But since you can't do that, I was hoping that maybe you would want to talk to me," she spoke softly to me.

I knew that I needed to talk to her. She wanted to hear my view and I was more than willing to give it to her.

"So, he told you everything? You know he was speaking to Tanya for weeks about Lizzie without telling me? Meeting her at the coffee shop for their chats?" I asked her, not realizing the anger in my voice.

"Yes, Bella, he told his father and me everything," she said, as she began to eat her lunch. I suddenly lost my appetite, thinking of the situation.

"I do believe him Esme. I know that he wasn't sleeping with her. But the fact that he decided to share his feelings with another woman, whether she was a doctor or not, hurts me. And the fact that he did that in a very unprofessional setting only adds to that. Did you know that the whole hospital thinks they are having an affair?" I asked her.

"Yes. Carlisle mentioned that to me the other night. Believe me Bella; Edward is very remorseful for what he did. He knows that he should have told you he was talking to Tanya. He's been moping around the house. He isn't eating. He is hardly sleeping. Have you talked to him at all in the past few days?"

"He has called plenty of times, left plenty of messages but I haven't spoken with him. I don't know if I can," I told her. I wasn't sure if I was ready to talk to him without the anger taking over.

"Bella, you want to save your marriage right?" she asked me honestly.

"Yes, Esme. I love Edward so much. But that doesn't mean that what he did doesn't hurt. It wasn't that he was talking to her about Lizzie that hurt so much or that fact that he was talking to her, what hurt the most was the way he looked at her. He smiled when he was with her, he was happy and I saw the Edward I once knew before this happened. Not only that, Esme, he lied to me about it and when I would ask him to go see someone with me he was an ass about it. I do believe that your son is sorry but that doesn't excuse the lies and the sneaking around and the emails or text messages, it does not excuse what he did." I pushed my plate in front of me, my appetite long gone.

Esme, was silent for a few moments. I could see her eyes glistening and I knew what I said made some sense to her.

"Bella, would you please think about talking to him? I know that the two of you need to discuss this and both of you hiding out, is not going to help the situation at all."

I didn't say anything. She finished up her food and paid the bill and we both stood up to leave. She hugged me tightly and whispered in my ear.

"Please sweetheart. I haven't seen him this broken since he lost Lizzie. I think he thinks he's losing you too." Tears slowly fell down my face as I watched her walk from the diner. I gathered my things and walked out to my car.

I knew I needed to talk to my husband. We needed to talk about this. I didn't want to lose him. I had lost too many things in my life and I didn't want him to be one of them.

I sat in my car for a few moments and let all the frustration I had been holding in the past few days go. I picked up my phone and dialed.

"Hello," he said. The sound of his voice nearly broke me.

"Edward....."


	13. Chapter 13

**EPOV**

I'd been standing in front of this mirror for the past twenty minutes trying to get my hair under some kind of control. And I was failing, miserably. I was so nervous, I felt like I was a teenager again, getting ready to go out on a date for the first time. When Bella called yesterday afternoon, I was thrilled. Then she said she wanted to see me so we could talk and I was scared. I feared that she was ready to end our marriage. Afraid she was going to say that I wasn't worth it, that I had hurt her too much.

Now, getting ready to go over there, I was completely nervous. I had no clue what was going through her mind because we hadn't spoken in days. I'd left countless messages with her, each one unreturned. We had never gone this long without seeing each other and that truly frightened me. Finally giving up on my hair, I grabbed my keys and cell phone and walked downstairs. Peaking into the kitchen, I saw my mom was sitting at the table. "Hey mom," I said walking over to her, and gently kissing her on the cheek.

The past few days had been hell for me, but my mom had helped me out so much.

"I'm gonna head over and talk to Bella for a while." She looked at me, a wide smile plastered on her face.

"I am so glad," she reached over and hugged me tightly, "I was hoping after our chat yesterday at lunch that she would decide to talk it out with you." I looked at her completely shocked. I had no idea my mom had even talked to Bella. "You had lunch with her yesterday? What did she say? How did she look?" I asked her, trying to find out as much about my wife's life during the past few days as I could. She smiled at me and laughed."Yes, Edward, I had lunch with Bella yesterday. And, I must admit, I have seen her look better. But, I am not going to divulge what we women talked about. That just wouldn't be right," she said, smirking at me. I tried to smile back at her but hearing that Bella had clearly had it just as rough as I had the past few days brought down my mood."She'll be fine Edward. Just go over there and talk to your wife. Talk to her about what is concerning you. Tell her your feelings. Just remember, let her speak too." I hugged my mom again and stepped out the front door, ready to finally talk to my wife.

**~* &*~**

**BPOV**

Edward had been standing outside the house, on the doorsteps for the past ten minutes. I didn't know what he was doing. I had obviously heard him when he pulled up, but he had yet to come inside or knock on the door. He just kept pacing back on forth on the front porch and running his hands through his hair. When I had finally decided to just open the door and let him in, he knocked on it lightly.

I took a deep breath and pulled the door open. He stood on the porch and had his hands in his pockets nervously. I made a motion with my hands, inviting him inside, he followed quietly. He took his coat off and hung it on the stand by the door. Turning back around, he smiled gently.

"You look nice, Bella," he told me, sounding unsure or if he should've or not.

"Thank you," I replied all of the sudden feeling shy. My face heated for a moment. I took a soft breath, willing myself to calm down. Once I gained control, I looked over at him.

"You look nice yourself," I mumbled, smiling a little, letting him know that his words were appreciated. And nice he did look. He had on a black v-neck t-shirt and his button fly jeans. He knew this outfit did me in practically every time, so I was wondering if that was his plan. And then I began to wonder if he had worn this outfit at all the meet Tanya and the smile fell from my face. He must have noticed the change in my demeanor because he was quickly by my side. He lifted his hand as if to comfort me, but decided against the action. Rejection flooded me like a tidal wave, w _hy had he refused to touch me just now? Could he just not want to? Does he not want me anymore?_

"What's the matter, Bella?" he questioned me, trying to get me to look in his eyes. I shook my head lightly, trying to force the questions out for the time being.

"Nothing, Edward. Let's eat," I told him. He accepted my answer and walked ahead of me into the dining room. I couldn't help but eye the way his body looked in the jeans he was wearing. It had been a long time, far too long since we had been together. _Stop Bella. You asked him here to talk about your relationship not jump his bones._

We sat down at the dining room table where I had already placed the food out. We sat across from each other and filled our plates with food in silence. I watched as Edward ate a few bites of the spaghetti and how he'd stick his tongue out to lick a bit of sauce that remained on his lips. I really needed to start some type of conversation before I end up embarrassing myself.

"I hope you don't mind that I made spaghetti. I haven't made it since...." I stopped myself immediately. I didn't want to talk about this yet, although I knew we would have to at some time. Edward looked at me confused for a moment.

"Haven't made it since when?" he asked me, cocking his head to the side slightly. I looked him in the eyes for a moment and then looked back down at my plate. I kept glancing back up at him as he was trying to work out in his head why I had stopped.

"Bella, you brought me that plate of food that night didn't you?" He looked at me and I nodded slightly.

"Why didn't you stay?" he asked me, obviously not realizing exactly what night it was.

"You were busy with someone, Edward!" I snapped at him. He looked at me, his eyes growing wide when he finally realized what I meant by that. He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat, before speaking.

"You saw her? You saw us talking that night?" he asked me, very interested in hearing my answer. I pushed my plate in front of me, no longer hungry. I know I had asked him here to talk, but the more he talked about her, the more I did. And the more I thought about her, the more I pictured the two of them together in that coffee shop. I was desperately trying to not get angry with him, but I was teetering on the edge.

"Oh yes, Edward, I think it is fair to say that I saw you and Tanya talking that night," I told him, snapping at him again. I stood up and took my plate back into the kitchen. I heard his footsteps following behind me in the kitchen.

"Then you saw how we were together. You saw the fact that all these ridiculous rumors are just that. Fucking ridiculous rumors. There could never be anything but friendship between Tanya and me," he said smiling widely. My eyes slanted and I think I might have even growled.

"No Edward. What I saw was a man and woman together, sitting closely and touching. And the two of you had no shame in who could have seen you!" I yelled at him. He had his fists clenched at his sides and was breathing in and out deeply. I couldn't help but watch as he took each breath, as the material of his t-shirt stretched across his well defined abs. I shook my head lightly trying to get myself back on track but failed again when he started running his hands through his hair and his bicep flexed. Thank God I caught myself before I moaned out loud.

I placed the dishes on the counter and decided to walk back towards the living room, hoping that Edward would follow me. He did and I finally turned back around to face had yet to speak and looked as if he were fighting a battle inside as to whether to yell at me. He finally looked at me and his eyes were a bright vibrant green again. I fought the urge to moan again and decided to go ahead and get it all out.

"I saw the two of you another time. The night I actually confronted you about the whole thing," I quietly told him. He looked at me in shock. He obviously had no idea that anyone had seen them, yet alone me.

"I got upset when you said you wouldn't be home for dinner. I decided to take a drive and found myself sitting in front of the coffee shop beside the hospital." I looked up at him again and he was watching me cautiously. I could still see the sparkle in his eye from earlier and had to make myself finish with what I was saying.

"I sat there for a few minutes and low and behold, you and Tanya walk out of the hospital and into the coffee shop. You say that you are nothing but friends and I do believe that now. But that night, as I watched her massage your shoulders you two being just friends was the furthest thing from my mind." I looked back at him and he had let his head drop and was looking at the floor.

"That really hurt Edward. The fact that you let her touch you in such intimate ways nearly killed me that night. I missed you so much and to see you there with her when you could have been at home with me was horrible. I could almost hear you moaning like you do when I massage your body after a long day at work," I told him honestly. His head suddenly shot up and he looked me in the eyes. He didn't say anything and suddenly I was angry.

"I just want to know why. Why couldn't you open up to me?! Why would you speak to her?! Why did you lie to me about it?! I'm your wife, why couldn't you tell me you were seeing someone? Why did you have to go to another woman like that? Do you know how it felt to see that?! Do you?!" I screamed, stepping closer to him.

**EPOV**

"Maybe if my wife hadn't shut me completely out, I wouldn't have had to turn to someone else!" I screamed back at her. As soon as the words were out, I immediately regretted them. She looked at me with so much fury in her eyes. She raised her hand up to slap me, but I caught her wrist in my hand. I could see her chest rising and falling as she breathed heavily. I held her hand out by the side of my face and stared into her eyes.

She closed her eyes briefly and I took the opportunity and placed her open palm on my cheek. Her hand felt warm and soft against my unshaven skin. I held my hand lightly over hers and relished in the touch. After a few moments, I removed my hand from on top of hers. Bella kept her hand on my cheek for a few moments longer. When she opened her eyes, she locked with mine. We stood there for God knows how long, just staring into each others eyes.

Suddenly, Bella launched herself into my arms and I hurried to grab her before both of us hit the floor. She wrapped her legs around my waist and passionately attacked my mouth with her own. She bit at my lower lip and I opened my mouth giving her access.

To say that I was surprised by what was now taking place would be a complete understatement. Not that I wasn't happy with it. Ever since Bella had opened the front door and I had seen her standing there in that short skirt and tight blouse, I had to discretely adjust myself in my jeans. I'd fantasized earlier about this happening but figured it was a long shot considering she had just tried to slap me.

Bella pulled away and hopped down, and began unbuttoning her blouse. When she finally freed herself from her shirt and her bra, she pulled my t-shirt off and jumped back into my arms, wrapping her legs tightly around my waist. She bent her head back, giving me access to her neck and I began licking and sucking it eagerly as one of my hands roamed to her breasts. I rolled her nipple between my thumb and forefinger as she moaned in delight.

She bent her head down and began kissing along my neck. Suddenly she bit down hard on the skin below my ear and I moaned, not from pain but from pleasure. I walked us over towards the wall and slammed her into it, attacking her chest with my mouth. I pulled a nipple into my mouth and bit down on it, probably harder than I ever had. Bella threw her head back and hit the wall behind her rather hard.

"Upstairs. Bedroom," she moaned. She didn't need to tell me twice, as I began walking us towards the steps leading upstairs. I continued biting and lapping at her neck as we walked upstairs slowly. Bella ran her hands through my hair, pulling it roughly. When we reached our bedroom door I threw it open quickly and then shut it behind us. Bella bit my neck hard again and I rammed her into the door biting her neck just as hard as she had mine.

She reached a hand between us and started unbuttoning my pants. When she had finally freed me from my pants and pushed them down, I slid my shoes off and kicked them to the side, followed by my pants and boxers. I placed her back down to the floor and removed her skirt and panties quickly. Standing back up, Bella once again jumped into my arms and kissed me hardly. I pushed her back into the door and kissed her with just as much urgency. I pulled myself away from her mouth and began kissing down her neck and along her collarbone again.

When she pulled my hair roughly once again, actually causing pain this time, I entered her fully in one thrust. The feel of her wrapped around me again, after months of no sexual contact had me wanting to pour my heart and soul out to this woman.

"God Bella, I love you so much," I told her as I thrust into her again. I heard a sob escape her mouth and pulled my face away from her neck. She had tears running down her face and was sobbing uncontrollably. I suddenly sobered up and walked us over to the bed, not pulling myself from within her heat though. I laid her down gently on the bed and brushed her hair from her face.

"Baby, I'm sorry. So sorry. Did I hurt you? I wasn't thinking," I told her, and honestly I wasn't. All I was thinking about was the being together, in this way, with my wife again.

"No, Edward. You didn't hurt me. I'm sorry." she told me. I began to pull out and she wrapped her legs tightly around my waist, holding me in place.

"No please don't stop. Please don't. I need this right now. I need to feel you," she said, tears still streaming down her face. I gently kissed her and pushed myself into her fully again. As our bodies rocked together, I put as much passion and feeling into each movement, trying to show her how much I had missed this. Being together with her in this way. Loving her. I kissed away the tears flowing down her face and kept repeating how much I loved her.

"I love you too," she said, breathlessly, "so much." I could feel her muscles tightening around me as I kept pushing into her, feeling as if I was going deeper and deeper every time. I knew I was getting close but I needed to feel her come apart in my arms. I bent my head down and whispered into her ear.

"Baby, I need you to come for me. God please, let me feel you," I moaned. Seconds later, I felt her body clamp around me as she finally let go and came with such intensity that she pulled my orgasm from me as well. I continued to pump into her slowly as we both rode out our highs together. I kissed her one final time before pulling out and lying down on my back.

She laid there and I could still see some tears falling from her eyes. I gently pulled her towards me and she laid her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and caressed her naked back as she drifted off to sleep. I placed a kiss on her head and gently whispered my love to her and then finally drifted off to sleep myself.


	14. Chapter 14

**BPOV**

When I woke up, my head was resting on a warm body, suddenly what had happened last night came rushing back.

_The words._

_The slap.  
_

_The lust._

_The crying._

Edward must have felt my body tense up because he wrapped his arms tighter around me. I wanted to relish in the feel of his arms wrapped around me but I knew we needed to talk. We should've talked last night.

"Morning," he said, gently kissing me on the head. I closed my eyes tightly trying to force myself not to sigh. This felt so right. I missed this so much. But I knew it was too soon.

"Good Morning. Ummmmm, Edward, we really need to talk," I said quietly. I sat up in the bed, wrapping the sheet around my naked body. Even if we had slept together last night, I couldn't help but be a little self conscious this morning.

"What about, baby?" he asked as he sat up beside me. I nervously bit at my lower lip, but kept my gaze on my hands in my lap. When I refused to answer or look at him, Edward gently pulled my face up. His eyes were sparkling the vibrant green that I hadn't seen in months. He was happy and I was probably about to ruin it.

"Baby, what is it? What do you want to talk about?" he asked. I closed my eyes tightly, taking a deep breath. I needed to go ahead and just say it, but I didn't want to upset him. He seemed happier this morning than I had seen him in months.

"About last night," I whispered. He wrinkled his forehead at me, not knowing what I was talking about.

"What about last night?" he asked, genuinely confused. He had to know what we did last night was too soon.

"I just.....I think it was a mistake Edward," I said looking down. I heard his sharp intake of breath and the movement of him getting off the bed. When I looked back up he was putting his boxers back on and searching for his pants. I knew it would upset him and now he was leaving. I had hurt him again.

"Okay," he said, still looking for his clothes, "If that's what you think. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come over. I mean, I know you asked me to, but ummm...yeah, I guess I shouldn't have." I suddenly realized the way what I said had sounded.

"No! Edward, what I said.....that didn't come out right. That's not what I meant." He stopped moving and looked back at me. I could see the unshed tears in his eyes.

"Well, what exactly did you mean, Bella? You just said making love to your husband was a mistake. How else was that supposed to sound? How else could I possibly have taken it?" he asked me sadly.

"Just let me explain, please. Come here and sit down and let me explain what I meant," I told him, patting the space on the bed beside me. He sat down next to me and I took his hand in my lap.

"You misunderstood what I said. It came out wrong. Edward, making love to you could never be a mistake. I just meant that we kind of rushed things. We should have talked more before we jumped into bed," He closed his eyes and let out a breath. I saw his lip quiver as he took deep breaths in and out to calm himself.

"Thank God. I thought that you wanted us to be over. I was so scared that when you said it was a mistake, that you were finished with me," he said, pulling my hand to his mouth and placing a gentle kiss on it.

"No. Never. I just think that we have a lot of stuff to talk about. I mean, when you said what you did last night...you know, downstairs, before..." I said, but he quickly interrupted me.

"Bella, I am so sorry for what I said. I shouldn't have said it. I just felt all the anger I had at myself and took it out on you. And I am so sorry," he said. I could still see the tears in his eyes.

"But what you said. It was a little true. I had shut down. We both did. And I don't want that to happen again." He nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah, I guess we both did kind of shut down. We used to never do that. We always shared everything with each other. I want to do that again. I want us to be close again before all this happened," he said quietly. I got up on my knees, the sheet still wrapped around me and hugged him tightly.

"I want that too, Edward. I want that so much," I whispered, as he held me tightly to his chest. After a little bit, he laid back down on the bed and I rested my head gently on his chest. I needed to go ahead and ask him what I was planning on asking him last night. I was just scared of his reaction.

"Edward," I said, running my finger lightly across his chest. I was surprised he couldn't feel my heart beating out of my chest since my body was pressed into his side.

"Yeah," he said, running his hand up and down my back slowly. He could probably feel the tension throughout my whole body.

"I have an appointment with my therapist this afternoon. And I was wondering if maybe you would come with me," I asked him. Suddenly he stopped moving his hand and I could hear his heart hammering in his chest. _Shit, I knew this was a bad idea_.

"Never mind. I get it, I understand," I said quietly, trying to sit up on the bed so I could get dressed. But his arms wrapped tighter around me.

"Bella, wait give me a minute. Listen to me. I'll go with you. You just shocked me. But I need to do this. We need to do this. Together," he said. I lifted my head up and he smiled down at me. I placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Together," I said as we smiled at each other. We continued to lay there, just being with each other. It had been quite a while since we were able to just be.

"Baby, can I ask you a question?" Edward said quietly. I suddenly tensed, wondering what he wanted to ask. I knew we had a lot more to discuss, but I was suddenly scared of what he wanted to ask me.

"Sure," I told him, my voice cracking. He pulled my chin up to look at his face.

"I've just been wondering about something since it happened last night. Why did you start crying when I told you I loved you last night?" he asked. I looked into his eyes and he had the saddest expression on his face. I felt the tears already forming in my eyes.

"It was the first time you told me you loved me in weeks," I said, tears falling from my eyes. He wiped them away gently with his thumb and pulled my head to his, placing a kiss on top.

"I am so sorry, baby. God, I am so sorry," he said, tears running down his cheek as well. I wiped the tears from his face as he had done to me.

"I love you Bella. God, I love you so much," he told me, placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

"I love you too."

We hadn't discussed everything we needed to, but we made a start. We took the first step and recognized our mistakes. As I laid in Edwards arms, I knew that today was going to be the start of our healing. Today we would start to heal together.

**EPOV**

I sat on the cushiony couch of the stuffy waiting room, my leg bouncing up and down nervously. I held the keys in my hand and contemplated more than once, getting up and running out of here, not looking back. And then I thought of Bella, and the look she gave me when she thought I wasn't going to come with her. I knew we needed this. I just didn't realize it was going to be so hard.

When she told me this morning that last night had been the first time I had told her I loved her in weeks, it shocked me to my core. I made a promise to myself, right then and there, that I would never go another day in my life without telling Bella how much I loved her. But I also needed to show her how much I loved her. Being here with her, for her today, was a beginning.

"Edward," Bella said, placing her hand on my knee to prevent it from bouncing up and down, "calm down. You aren't here to talk. You're just here to support me." She looked at me and smiled and I honestly tried to smile back at her, but it must have looked like a grimace.

"Are you sure you're okay with this? Because if not, you can go wait in the car or go grab a coffee or something. I can call you when I am done," she said, still holding her hand on my knee.

"Honestly, I'm not sure if I am okay with this. But I know I need to do it. I want to support you," I told her, pulling her hand up to place a gentle kiss on it. She smiled brightly and leaned over and placed her head on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

_Calm down. Like she said, she is the one here to talk. You just need to listen. Be here for her. Calm down._

"Mrs. Cullen, Dr. Marks can see you now," the lady at the receptionist desk said to us. Bella stood first and turned to me, placing her hand out for mine. I grabbed her hand and stood up beside her. Bella led us down the hallway, opening the door to the office.

"Bella, so good to see you again," the doctor said, standing from the chair she was occupying. Bella smiled, reaching out to shake her hand.

"Nice to see you too. I brought someone with me today," she said, nodding her head slightly my way. I smiled a little and reached my hand out to shake Dr. Marks' hand.

"You must be Edward. Such a pleasure to finally meet you," she said, as I released her hand and we all take a seat. My knee began to immediately start bouncing once I was seated and Bella cleared her throat alerting me to the fact. I looked at her and smiled sheepishly, mouthing 'Sorry'.

"So, you are here to just offer support today, right Edward," the doctor asked me. Bella had evidently told the doctor that I wasn't quite ready to share anything when she spoke with her this afternoon.

"Yeah, I mean, if that's okay with you. I can leave if you'd rather not have me in here," I told her, almost praying that she would ask me to leave.

"No, Edward. That's fine. I don't expect you to just jump right in here. Listening to Bella and supporting her is just fine," she told me, smiling. I relaxed a bit and leaned back in the chair.

"So Bella," the doctor started, "you wanted to discuss some dreams you've been having recently, right?" I looked over towards Bella and saw her nod her head. I had hoped that the dreams had stopped but evidently they hadn't if that was today's topic of discussion.

"Why don't you tell me about them? What's happening in them?" Bella closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I reached my hand across to her and held hers tightly in mine. I said I would be here for support and I could tell that she was definitely going to need it to get this out. Just hearing the words in her dreams had almost broken me, so actually experiencing them firsthand had to be devastating.

"Different things happen in them," she said, "Some of them have Edward, Lizzie and me playing happily on the beach. Those aren't really nightmares but in a way they are. You know? Because I really don't want to wake up and realize they are just a dream. Others have me reliving that day again. In some of them, I will get to Lizzie just in time and keep her from darting out in the road. In others, I run to save her but it's like I am running in slow motion and I just can't get to her fast enough. She is screaming for me and I just can't reach her. And recently, when I go to save her, by the time I get to her......it's both her and Edward who are getting hit by the car."

I tune out a little after that revelation. Bella had pretty much been having the same dreams I had been having. I would dream of us happy and then wake up practically in tears because it had been a dream. And then one night recently, I dreamt that I lost both Bella and Lizzie that day. It nearly killed me to wake up and remember that I was at my parents and wouldn't be able to see Bella just to make sure it had indeed been just a dream.

"Edward," Bella said, shaking me from my thoughts. I had no idea how long I had been zoned out but evidently it had been a while because Bella's session was over.

"Yeah, sorry," I told her, standing up. I was ready to get out of here and get some fresh air.

"Edward, Bella. I have a favor to ask of you. Well, not so much a favor, but a request," Dr. Marks said. I held Bella's hand in mine as we turned around to face the doctor again.

"Yes," Bella said quietly. I had no idea what this doctor was going to request, but I had a feeling I was going to need to do it.

"There is a group that meets on Thursday nights at the hospital. It's a group for parents who have lost their children in tragic accidents. I am asking you to attend just one meeting. If you find that it's not for you, you don't have to go back. I just want you to give it a shot," she told us.

I looked at Bella, she was trying to read whether or not I was going to agree. I knew she wouldn't do this without my support. I smiled lightly at her and nodded my head just a little to let her know I was okay with this. I needed to be okay with this. Even if inside I was scared to death.


	15. Chapter 15

**BPOV**

I was the one who was nervously bouncing my knee up and down this time. Edward and I were sitting in my car outside of the hospital. It was Thursday and time for the group therapy. I had no idea when I agreed to this in my last therapy session that it would be this hard.

"Baby, are you ready to go in?" Edward asked me, placing a hand on my bouncing knee. I looked over at him, he seemed to be completely unfazed. When did I become the one who was no longer sure we needed to do this?

"I don't know. Maybe we shouldn't do this. Maybe we aren't ready for this," I told him. It's not that I didn't think we were ready, I was just completely terrified. Why? I had no idea.

"Bella, we talked about this. It might help us to talk to others who have gone through a loss like ours. We need to do this. We need to see that other people have survived this," he told me, taking my hand in his. I closed my eyes and tried to find the strength that I knew I would need to make it through this night. Yes, I had spoken about Lizzie to family and to my doctor, but these people would be complete strangers.

"Okay, lets do this," I said finally, opening my eyes and smiling at Edward. He opened his door and got out, coming around to open mine. We walked together into the hospital, taking the elevator to the floor the meeting would be held on. I had spoken with Dr. Marks earlier in the week to confirm the time and room number for the group.

Edward and I stood together outside room number one-sixteen and held hands, staring at the small flier taped to the door alerting us we were in the right place. I squeezed his hand tightly, trying to gain some strength that he was obviously possessing tonight.

"We can do this Bella," Edward told me as he turned to face me. He brought both his hands up to cup my cheeks and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I savored the feel of his lips against mine and let it calm me.

"You ready?" he asked me, as he reached for the door handle. I nodded and he pushed the door open. There were several couples already inside, conversing with each other, holding cups of coffee and small snacks. One of the ladies noticed us immediately and made her way toward us.

"Hi. My name is Mary. Is this your first time attending this group?" she asked Edward and me. We both nodded our heads and she smiled at us.

"Well, there is some coffee and donuts over on the table. You can help yourselves. Our peer leaders for the group should arrive in a few minutes. You can go ahead and take a seat when you are ready," Mary said.

"Thank you," I said, still holding Edward's hand tightly. When she had walked away I asked Edward if he wanted anything and he replied no, so we decided to go ahead and take a seat. The chairs were arranged in a semi circle with a wooden podium situated at the opening. Edward and I held hands and sat quietly as the other couples finally made their way over to the chairs and began to take their seats.

I was still very nervous but seeing all these other people here, and knowing that they had or were currently going through what we were, made me feel safe. It made me feel confident. In the few minutes since arriving in this room, I had decided I needed to share our story with them. I needed to open up.I squeezed Edward's hand and turned a bit in my chair to get his attention. He looked at me, raising his eyebrows in question.

"I think I want to speak tonight. I know Dr. Marks said we didn't need to if we didn't feel like it, but I think I need to." He smiled lightly at me and kissed me on the forehead and whispered okay before we both turned our attention back to the podium where our peer leaders were now standing.

**EPOV**

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

I really couldn't believe my luck right now. The one group therapy session that Bella's doctor had chosen for us to attend just happened to be led by Tanya and a man who I am assuming to be her husband. Bella and I had yet to talk anymore about Tanya and now I had a feeling that conversation might be coming very soon. I must have squeezed Bella's hand too tightly because she was currently trying to get me to release her hand from my grip.

"Ow, Edward," Bella whispered, giving me a questioning look. 'Sorry' I mouthed back to her, both of us turning our attention back to the front of the room.

"Hello everyone," Tanya spoke to the group, "I see some newcomers so let me take a chance to introduce myself again. My name is Tanya Hunter and this is my husband James. We lost our son, Jamie, in a tragic accident three years ago. He was the light of our lives and he was taken from us far too soon. It has been a long and grueling process, but James and I have been able to come through it, stronger and closer than ever. Would any of you like to start us off by sharing your story?" Bella cleared her throat and stood up. I know she had seen Tanya and I together a few times, but I wasn't sure if she recognized her or not.

"Hi. My name is Bella and this is my husband Edward," Bella stated, pointing towards me. I smiled at the group of people who were now looking my way. "We lost our daughter Elizabeth, Lizzie, a few months ago. She and I were walking downtown...we had just gotten some ice cream. I let go of her hand for just a minute to take a phone call from Edward."

I looked up at Bella, she already had tears flowing down her face. She hadn't really spoken about the day with me before. I knew that I had called her, but to find out that I was pretty much the reason for her total attention not being on Lizzie brought on a new wave of guilt.

"When I hung up the phone, I realized Lizzie was no longer beside me. She had stepped out into the street and was hit by a car. I should have been holding her hand. She was six years old...I shouldn't have let go of her hand." A sob broke through Bella and I stood up and pulled her to me as she shook with emotion. I didn't realize I had been crying until my vision had become blurry.

"Thank you for sharing your story with us Bella and Edward," Tanya said, "I know it was hard, but everyone here has been through what you are going through right now." When Bella had calmed down some, we both took our seats again and listened to some of the others tell their stories. Tanya was right. Everyone in this room had gone through what we were going through and they survived. We would survive too.

Once everyone had spoken and the meeting was over, Bella and I began to pull our coats on and gather our things to leave. I thought tonight was successful, but I wasn't sure that we would attend another meeting since Tanya and James were the peer leaders.

"Edward, Bella," Tanya said, as she and James walked over towards us." I am so glad the two of you decided to come tonight. I know it was hard for the both of you, but sharing our stories with others sometimes helps."

"I agree," Bella said, "I feel so much better after sharing with everyone. I mean, I have spoken about Lizzie to my family and my doctor, but to share it with others who have been through the same thing feels right." Bella looked over to me and grabbed my hand, squeezing it lightly. I smiled back at her as I held her hand.

"Just to let you guys know, we meet here every other Thursday. We would like it if you guys would come again. This is a pretty tight knit group and we help each other out a lot," James spoke. I looked at him and he smiled at me. I wasn't sure if Tanya had shared with him who I was or not.

"Bella and I would probably have to discuss it further, but I think we can both agree that tonight was a good idea," I said and looked at Bella as she nodded her head in agreement. We gathered our things and said goodbye to the group of people whom we had come to know a little better in the past hour. We walked out of the hospital holding hands, but not speaking. I admit, I was a little scared that the shit would hit the fan the minute we got into the car.

**BPOV**

We both got settled into the car and buckled our seatbelts. We hadn't spoken any since speaking with Tanya and James.

I recognized Tanya the moment I turned around to face the podium. I immediately wanted to get up and run from the room, dragging my husband with me. But deep down, I knew doing that would help no one. I knew Edward had apologized for not being completely truthful to me, but seeing her standing there, right in front of me, caused the anger and hurt I had pushed aside to rise up a little in me.

I still decided to speak to the group because that is what I wanted to do, whether Tanya was there or not. Hearing Tanya's story and seeing her comfort the others in the group had pretty much pushed the anger and hurt back down again. I could see that deep down all she wanted to do was help others. That is what she was trying to do for Edward, even if they had both went about doing it the wrong way.

I looked over to Edward who was driving. His knuckles were white as he clenched the steering wheel tightly. I knew he was wondering if I had recognized Tanya or not, he just wouldn't come right out and ask it. He cleared his throat a bit and began to try and speak.

"So," he said, glancing over to me. He looked terrified.

"Yes, Edward. I recognized Tanya. I knew who she was the minute I turned around to face the front of the room," I said quickly, not letting him finish his sentence. He looked back at me and swallowed hardly.

"You did? I wasn't sure if you would or not. I know you said you saw her a couple of times, I just wasn't sure if you would know who she was," he said quietly. We both sat in silence a few minutes.

"How did you feel seeing her there? I know we haven't spoken much about her, but I kind of figured you wouldn't want to," he asked, as we pulled into our driveway. I took a deep breath and unbuckled my seatbelt. I turned my body around in the seat and faced him as he did the same.

"Honestly, at first, I wanted to grab you and run out of the room and not look back. I hated the fact that seeing her made the anger and hurt I felt come right back. I wanted to scream at her and ask her what the hell she thought she was doing when she met with you all those times." As I spoke, Edward looked down at his hands that were sitting on his leg. I reached over and pulled one of his hands and held it in mine.

"But seeing the way she comforted everyone in that room by sharing her story, and seeing how she just wanted to help those people get through what she had gone through made it all go away. No, I haven't forgotten what the two of you did. I still think it was completely wrong for you to meet the way you did. But I can see now that all she wanted to do was help you. She wanted to help you get through this mess, even if she went about it the wrong way." Edward looked over at me and smiled.

"God, I don't deserve you. I can never apologize enough for the way I hurt you. What I did was wrong...completely wrong. I know that now. And I know I went about it the wrong way, but yes, that is all she wanted to do. She was trying to help me, help us really. And I know you really liked going to that meeting tonight, but I completely understand if you don't want to again," he said. I looked at him questioningly.

"Why wouldn't I want to go back? I thought it went really well. I know it was kind of weird with Tanya and her husband being the leaders and all, but I can get over that if you can," I said to him.

"I thought it went really well too. I liked it. It felt good to hear others stories and how they have managed. I have no problem with it if you don't," he said, smiling at me.

"Then it is agreed. We will go back no matter who is there," I said, making sure we were on the same page.

"Agreed," he said, kissing me quickly before we got out of the car. We walked hand in hand, up the walkway to the front door. We had done well tonight. Life decided to throw us another curve ball, by throwing Tanya back into the mix. But we had survived.


	16. Chapter 16

**BPOV**

Edward had been working late the past couple of nights so when I was woken up early Saturday morning by the shrill ringing of the telephone, I quickly answered it to keep from waking him.

"Hello?" I said, wondering who could be calling so early during the weekend.

"Bella, oh Bella," he said in a low voice. Emmett was never this quiet.

"Emmett, what's wrong? Why are you calling so early?" I said, panicked, immediately running dozens of scenarios in my head as to why he would call us so early.

"She's here Bella. Emily's here. God Bella, she is so beautiful. And so tiny..." his voice trailed off quietly.

"Oh, Emmett. I am so happy for you guys. When? Why didn't anyone call us? Nothing went wrong did it?" I asked him all in one breath. I was pretty sure if something _had_ gone wrong someone would've contacted us.

"Rose started cramping early yesterday evening. She decided to try and lie down for a while. Around ten o'clock her water broke and we headed here, everything went perfect Bella. Rose was a real trooper. Thank God for the epidural," he said laughing.

"Why didn't anyone call us, Em? You know we would've been there for you guys," I said sadly. I was supposed to be there for the birth. This had been planned months ago.

"Well, we wanted to. We weren't really sure how you guys would react. I know you've been doing so much better and we just didn't want to set you back," he said, his voice sounding full of guilt. I was sad that they didn't call us, but I completely understood their reasons.

"It's okay. I understand and thank you for thinking of us. Now, what room is she in? We will be down there as soon as I can drag Edward out of bed," I said, laughing. I wrote down the room information and told Em we'd see him in a little while.

I turned to look at Edward lying in the bed beside me. He was stretched out on his stomach, his arms beneath the pillow. His hair was a complete mess, as usual. I rubbed my hand up and down his back trying to coax him awake.

"Edward," I whispered quietly in his ear. He stirred a little but made no move to get up.

"Edward," I said, trying again.

"Hmmmmm," he said sleepily, still making no move to open his eyes. He was so tired from the long hours he had been working, but I knew he would want to go see them since it would probably be his only day off for the week.

"Emmett just called," I told him, still rubbing up and down his back slowly. He smiled a little at my actions.

"What did he want?" he said groggily.

"We have to go to the hospital," I said. Before I could even further explain, Edward had jumped up and looked at me frantically, "What? Why? What's wrong? Is someone hurt?" he questioned me. I didn't even think of how it would sound just saying that we needed to go to the hospital.

"No, no baby. No one is hurt. Emily's here. She was born early this morning," I told him. You could see the relief spread across his face.

"Oh, thank God. But, wait. Why didn't anyone call us? I thought we were supposed to be there," he asked, as he sat back down on the bed. I shrugged my shoulders.

"They weren't sure if we could handle it. I'm a little sad we weren't there, but I understand why they didn't call." He nodded his head at me and reached over to give me a light peck on the lips.

"Now, why don't you go ahead and shower so we can go spoil that god-daughter of ours," I said smiling widely at him.

***~*~*~*~*~***

"Rose, she's beautiful," I said, cradling the tiny bundle in my arms. Edward sat beside me on the small couch in the hospital room. He had held her for a few minutes before passing her over to me. I could feel everyone watching me, like they were waiting for me to break down or something.

"Guys," I said, not looking at anyone in particular in the room, "I'm fine, really. I know you're expecting some random break down, but I'm okay." I ran my hand gently through the soft brown curls on Emily's head. She looked so much like Emmett it was almost scary. She had the biggest dimples and the chubbiest cheeks.

"Hello, sweet girl," I cooed at the angel in my arms," I'm your Auntie Bella. I'm gonna spoil you so much, your mother won't know what to do." Edward laughed gently beside me and reached over to run his finger over Emily's cheek.

"Emmett," he said, "you're really going to have your hands full with this one. I can already tell." All of us in the room broke out in laughter as Emmett just scowled at us.

"Don't I know it. I am already thinking of how much it is going to cost to put bars up on all the windows," he said with a straight face. We all laughed at that comment not entirely sure if Emmett was serious or not.

When Emily began to fuss a little I handed her back to Rose declaring it must be meal time. I gave Rose a gentle hug and placed a small kiss on Emily's head. Edward did the same and then we congratulated them both again before heading out of the room leaving the new family to bond.

"She was so tiny," Edward said as we neared his car. I smiled back at him nodding my head. We both got in the car ready to head home.

"It's hard to remember Lizzie ever being that small," he continued. It wasn't hard for me to remember though. I had been running through memories of Lizzie's birth through my head all day. I must have been quiet for a while because suddenly Edward turned to me and placed his hand on my cheek.

"I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have brought that up. I know today was hard for you, but you were so strong, baby. I am so proud of you," he said placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

"It's okay, Edward. I can't just avoid things that bring up memories of Lizzie. It helps for me to think about her now. I have been thinking about the day I gave birth to her all day today. I couldn't help it. But it didn't make me sad. It made me happy that I was able to have such a beautiful little girl for the time I did. And now our friends get to experience that. I am so happy for them," I told him. Edward smiled widely back at me.

"I am thrilled for them. Emmett used to joke with me about having to put bars up on the windows. Now he knows exactly what my thoughts were," he said. We both started laughing.

"How about we go to the diner for some lunch? It's such a nice day out and I'm not quite ready to head home. What do you think?" he asked me.

"I think that sounds like a great idea."

**EPOV**

We pulled in to Fork's Diner and I jogged around the car to open Bella's door. The place wasn't particularly busy for a Saturday. I led Bella inside and we took a seat at one of the booths along the wall.

I was so proud of Bella today. I admit, I was a little scared that seeing Emily might set back all the progress we'd made together, but she was fine. She held that beautiful little girl in her arms, it just looked so right. I figured I had fucked up when I mentioned Lizzie, but Bella assured me that it was fine. She was right in stating that we couldn't hide from things that brought up memories for us.

She had mentioned remembering the day Lizzie was born and I found myself doing the same off and on today at the hospital. Just seeing Bella holding the baby had brought back a flood of memories of the first time she had held Elizabeth.

"Hello," the waitress said **,** "what can I get for you two today?"

"I'll have a cheeseburger, fries and a coke, please," Bella said, handing her menu back to the waitress.

"I'll have the same," I said, handing my menu back as well. The waitress nodded and walked behind the bar to place our order. She walked back over a few moments and brought us our sodas.

"Your food should be ready in a few minutes," she said. I reached across the table and held Bella's hand in mine.

"Baby, I am so proud of you for today. I know you think it's not a big deal, but I just wanted to let you know," I said, lifting her hand up to my lips and placing a kiss on her knuckles.

"You're right. I don't think it is a big deal, but thank you anyways," she said smiling brightly at me. We continued talking for a few minutes about Emmett, Rose and Emily and how we thought they would handle being new parents.

When we were both quiet for a moment I suddenly recognized the song that was playing on the speakers of the diner. I grinned mischievously at Bella as she shook her head adamantly at me. She must have realized what was playing around the same time I did.

"Come on, baby," I said, standing up pulling her with me. She looked at me wide eyed, trying to sit back down. I couldn't really blame her. I had done some ridiculously crazy shit when this song was playing.

"Edward," she said, trying to pull me back towards the table, "there are people here. We can't do this here." I shook my head at her and pulled her into the middle of the now half full diner. Everyone was looking at us, trying to figure out what was going on. But I didn't care, I never did.

"Oh come on, Bella. This is our song," I said to her, giving her my best sad eyes. She rolled her eyes and finally relented, following me to the middle of the floor. I pulled her close to me and we started dancing. Every time we heard this song, no matter where we were or who we were with, I would pull Bella with me and we would dance. It had been a while since I'd done this, the last time being at a street fair that Forks had a few years ago. I remember pulling her into the middle of the crowd, Bella's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Charlie had held Lizzie off to the side, her giggling the entire time at what her mommy and daddy were doing.

" _Do you remember when, we used to sing? Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah,"_ I sang to her, as I spun her around the floor. I looked at her when she spun back to face me, her face was full of joy. I hadn't seen that smile on Bella in months. God, it felt so good to be the one to finally put that joy on her face. Some of the customers were looking at us strangely, but others were smiling and clapping along.

" _My brown-eyed girl,"_ I sang to her as I pulled her back to me. It thrilled me to know that she was genuinely enjoying herself. It had been a long time. I loved seeing her beautiful smile. We continued to laugh and dance around the floor of the diner.

" _Do you remember when we used to sing? Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah,"_ Bella sang back at me smiling widely. I laughed loudly at her and spun her away from me before quickly pulling her back towards me. We looked at each other and cracked up. We were brought out of our laughter by someone clearing their throat. Bella and I sheepishly looked beside us and the waitress stood there with our food on her tray.

"I think you two have worked up an appetite now," she said, winking at us both. We laughed again, making our way back to the booth.

"That was fun," Bella admitted, before taking a bite of her food. I smiled at her widely.

"It was, wasn't it?" She nodded her head and smiled. We continued eating and talking, and just simply enjoying each other, something that we hadn't done in a very long time.

Once we were done, I paid the bill and we casually walked back to the car.

I went to open the door for her but before she got in, she turned to me, "Thank you, Edward. Not for the meal, but for everything. It felt so good to be able to laugh again. So, thank you."

I smiled and kissed her lightly on the lips then letting my forehead rest against hers, I gazed into her eyes and sighed. "I feel the same exact way, baby." I kissed her again, with a little more passion then wrapped my arms tightly around her.

We had made progress today. We weren't fully healed but we were getting there.....together.


	17. Chapter 17

**EPOV**

Bella and I had been doing great lately. We were finally talking more and not trying to hold anything in. We continued to go to therapy weekly and attend group meetings.

After a long talk with my dad, and coming to terms with the fact that what I had done was wrong, I'd asked Bella if we could not attend James' and Tanya's session. She agreed with me, telling me it did make her uncomfortable. We both wanted to move past this and had made good strides; we were finally getting back on track.

I popped some bread in the toaster before going back and plating the scrambled eggs I had just finished. Grabbing a coffee mug, I prepared her coffee just the way she liked it. I placed the food and coffee on the tray and quietly made my way upstairs to my sleeping wife.

While Bella and I had begun to share a bed again, we had yet to be intimate with each other since that night weeks ago. I won't lie and say I'm not disappointed, but I completely understand. Like Bella said that morning, we'd rushed into things and we really shouldn't have. But I'm hoping these therapy sessions will bring us closer together.

I gently pushed the door open and walked inside. There was enough early morning light coming through the blinds to alert me to the fact that Bella wasn't in bed. She must have decided to go ahead and shower once she woke up. I placed the tray of breakfast on the nightstand and sat down on the bed waiting for her to come out.

After about five minutes I realized the water wasn't running. I stood up and placed my ear near the door, listening for any sound from inside. I thought I heard a choking sound and then suddenly, a muffled sob broke through the quietness of the morning and I pushed the door to the bathroom open, walking inside.

Bella was leaning over the toilet vomiting. When she was done, she leaned back against the bathtub with her knees pulled up and her head resting on her arms. She was still in her pajamas; I noticed her body was shaking as the sobs came out. I quickly sat down beside her and pulled her to sit on my lap.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I asked her as I gently rubbed up and down her back. She continued to sob, her hands balled up tightly against her. That's when I noticed she was clutching something in her hands.

"Bella, you've gotta tell me what's wrong. You're scaring me. Are you sick? Do you need something? What can I do, baby?" I asked her as she continued crying. I tried to soothe her, but nothing seemed to be working. I decided to pull her hands apart and find out what she was clutching so tightly. When I tried to do this she shook her head no over and over.

"It's okay. Let me see what you've got there, baby," I said as she finally released what she had been holding. She pushed her head further into my neck as I looked down at the object she had finally relented to me.

It was a pregnancy test.

It was a positive pregnancy test.

It was Bella's positive pregnancy test.

I can't believe I had missed this. We had been trying to conceive, Bella hadn't gone back on birth control since Lizzie's death. She had been tired and moody lately. She seemed to be hungry all the time. How the hell, as a doctor, as her husband, had I missed this?

I was suddenly bombarded with emotions. I felt happy because finally we had gotten what we had been trying for. I felt guilty because I didn't want to replace Lizzie in my life. I felt scared because I didn't know if we were ready for this.

I placed the test on the floor next to us and pulled Bella tight to me. She was still crying as I rocked us back and forth on the floor.

"It's okay, baby. We can do this. We are going to get through this. We'll be fine." I wasn't sure if I was trying to make myself feel better or Bella. Probably a little bit of both. After a few minutes I noticed Bella had stopped crying and her breathing had evened out. She had cried herself to sleep.

I stood as carefully as I could, Bella still cradled in my arms. I walked us out of the bathroom and towards our bed. I laid her down gently and pulled the light blanket off the end of the bed and covered her with it. When I knew she wouldn't wake up I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I love you," I whispered to her and pushed the hair out of her face. I grabbed the now cold breakfast and made my way back downstairs, alone.

**BPOV**

I sat at the kitchen table, staring out the window into the back yard. I had been doing this a lot lately. At least that's what everyone had been telling me. I got lost in my thoughts, constantly worrying lately.

I couldn't help but worrying whether or not Edward and I could do this; whether or not we were ready to have another child in this house. Edward had been nothing but supportive the past few days since we found out. He went with me to the doctor yesterday morning to have my first visit. I don't remember a thing that was said. As usual, I was completely zoned out.

"Baby, I asked you if you were ready to head out?" Edward asked me. He had evidently been standing beside me for a little bit because I could see the worry clearly in his eyes. Seeing my state over the past few days, Edward insisted that he call Dr. Marks and schedule a kind of emergency session. He was worried about me. I wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping. I was just going through the motions.

"Yeah," I said standing up and grabbing my purse, "Let's go."

We walked hand in hand into the doctors' office, signing in at the receptionists' desk. When we sat down to wait, I still held tightly to Edward's hand. He was being so strong while I was basically falling apart. This had to be hard for him too.

I don't know how long I had been lost in my thoughts because I suddenly felt my arm being pulled from my side. I looked to find Edward standing beside me motioning for us to head back.

"I'd called your name a couple times but you didn't hear me," he said, the worry still evident on his face. I smiled a little at him and stood to go back.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you." We remained quiet for the short walk down the hall and entered the office to find Dr. Marks waiting for us. We sat down on the couch that faced the desk.

"Bella, Edward, so nice to have you back. How are you two doing? I understand you called to schedule a special meeting with me?" Edward and I looked at each other and when he realized I wasn't going to say anything, he took the chance to speak up.

"We just found out some news this week. Ummmm, Bella's pregnant. I mean, I don't know if she told you, but before we lost Lizzie we were trying to conceive. And Ummmm," Edward said, a little blush tinting his cheeks, "that time we had sex, when we made up, we didn't use any protection. So yeah, that's when it happened." Edward looked over to me after he was done with his confession and I smiled at him.

"So Edward, since you were the one to share the news, would you care to share with us how you feel about it?" she asked. Edward took a deep breath and sat up a little straighter in his seat.

"I believe, in the past 4 days, that I have felt every emotion known to man," Edward said, laughing nervously. "I'm thrilled because we had been trying so hard to have another baby. I'm angry because why couldn't this have happened at a better time, like when we were actually trying months ago. I'm terrified because I think that for some reason I won't be able to love this child as much as I love Lizzie. But honestly, I know that sounds crazy because every parent thinks that at some point. I'm sad because this child won't know what an amazing big sister it has. I'm nervous because I don't want to screw this up. So yeah, basically my head has been all over the place."

"That's understandable, Edward. It must have been quite a shock to hear that Bella is pregnant. The emotions you are feeling are very typical, even for someone who hasn't gone through what you two have. Every parent feels every one of those things at some point or another. It is all completely normal." Then Dr. Marks turned towards me.

"Bella, you have been awfully quiet this morning. How are you feeling about all this?" she asked me. I looked at her as she smiled at me encouragingly.

"Honestly, I have been feeling pretty much like Edward. I feel sad because this baby won't get to see what a wonderful big sister Lizzie would have been. And mad because Lizzie won't get a chance to be a big sister. I feel scared because I honestly don't know if I am ready for this yet. And I am feeling a little guilty too," I told them both.

I heard Edward beside me turn around so he could face me. He pulled my hand into his lap and held it there.

"Baby, how many times do I have to tell you this? You are not guilty for what happened to Lizzie. It was an accident. You are no more to blame than I am," Edward said to me. I looked down at my lap and shook my head slowly.

"Hold on a minute, Edward. Bella are you saying that is not what you are feeling guilty over?" Dr. Marks asked me and I nodded my head, without looking at either of them.

"Bella, why do you feel guilty?" she asked me.

"I feel guilty because of how much I want this," I said quietly as the tears rolled down my face. Edward let go of my hand and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Oh God, Baby. I want this too. So, so much," he said, the emotion evident in his voice. We hugged each other tightly for a few moments and then turned back to Dr. Marks.

"I want you two to understand that what you both are feeling, like I said before, is completely natural. The guilt, the anger, the sadness, the happiness...all of it is completely understandable. I still want you two to work on your communication though. I could tell by the look on Edward's face when you told him that you were feeling guilty because of being happy came as a complete shock to him," she said. Edward nodded his head and I looked down at my lap.

"Now, I have some homework for you two once again. I am not saying you have to do this today, or tomorrow, but I want you to do it soon. I want you to begin to pack up some of Lizzie's things. I am not saying you have to get rid of everything. Don't completely wipe out any traces of her in your home. I just want you to pack away some things slowly. And as you do this, I want you to share a story about what it is you are packing away. I want you to share happy memories with each other. Can you two do that for me?"

Edward and I looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders. "Yeah, I guess we can do that. As long as it isn't today. I don't think I can handle much more emotion today," he said, chuckling a little at the end.

We both stood up and told the doctor good bye and scheduled our weekly appointment. The drive home was pretty quiet. I'm almost positive we were both feeling and thinking the same thing. How would we be able to handle packing up our daughter's things?


	18. Chapter 18

**EPOV**

"Do you remember when she got this one?" Bella asked me as she sat on the floor of Lizzie's room. She was holding a large stuffed pink elephant. Lizzie had begged me and begged me to win that for her at the local fall festival last year. I think between Emmett, Jasper and me, we probably spent sixty dollars on that elephant. No matter how many times we tried to knock over the milk jugs none of us could do it. I think Emmett finally ended up paying the guy off just so we could get it.

"Yeah, I remember that. We wouldn't rest until she was toting that damned thing home," I said as we both laughed. Bella and I decided to wait until the weekend to get started on the homework assignment Dr. Marks had given us. We woke up bright and early this morning and began going through Lizzie's things. We had decided to donate most of her toys to the local women and children's shelter where Esme volunteered. Her clothing, we decided, to give to Rose and Emmett for our goddaughter. We knew most of the things were way too big for her now, but she would be set for a while once she grew into them.

We had been sharing stories like Dr. Marks had asked us to all morning. There had been lots of laughing and a few tears, which was to be expected. Bella moved over closer to the toy box and began pulling out things and placing them in the cardboard box beside her. After a few minutes, Bella began giggling and I put aside what I was working on and looked over to her to see what she had found. She pulled out a long pink feather boa and leaned over to wrap it around my neck.

"Hey," I said, "I definitely remember this." Lizzie made me wear this pink boa and a large black top hat one day. When I got home from work there was an invitation sitting on the dining room table, scribbled in crayon, asking me to put the items on and meet Princess Lizzie and Princess Bella in her room for an afternoon tea party. I walked into the room, hat and boa on, to find my girls completely decked out. Lizzie had on a pink tutu and white boa. Bella was wearing a sparkling tiara and a neon green boa around her neck.

_"Hello, ladies," I said taking my hat off and bowing to them as I entered the room. Lizzie and Bella both laughed. "How are my two beautiful ladies doing this fine afternoon?" I asked them as I sat down at the small table in Lizzie's room. My legs were bent and almost in front of my face. I looked at Bella who was trying to hold in a giggle._

_"Fine, Daddy. How are you today?" Lizzie asked, as she handed out the small plates and tea cups. She placed a small cookie on each plate and grabbed the tea pot and began pouring us a beverage._

_"I am doing quite well now that I am having such a fine tea party with the two of you," I picked up my tea cup and stuck my pinkie out exaggeratedly. I eyeballed the red liquid inside and looked over to Bella. She just nodded her head and told me to drink it. I took a small sip and chuckled realizing it was kool-aid. I took a small bite of the cookie on my plate and moaned excessively._

_"I think these are the best cookies I've ever tasted. Tell me, who made these wonderful cookies?" I asked Lizzie._

_"Princess Bella and I worked all morning making these cookies for you," she replied proudly._

_"Well they are quite wonderful. Thank you," I told her. We continued drinking and eating for a few moments when I suddenly stood up. I held out my hand to Lizzie and she looked at me as though I were crazy._

_"Would you care to dance, Princess Lizzie?" I asked her. She shook her head and laughed._

_"You don't dance at tea parties, Daddy," Lizzie said to me. I looked over at Bella, she was laughing._

_"Well I think that is a preposterous rule. If you won't dance with me then surely Princess Bella would do me the honor of sharing a dance," I said as I turned toward her. Bella took my hand in hers and stood up. I spun her around the small bedroom all the while our daughter giggled and clapped at our display._

"That was a fun day," Bella said as she turned back towards the toy box. I stood up from the floor and went over to the bookshelf. Bella and I had instilled in Lizzie a love for reading so the girl had tons of books. Bella and I hadn't discussed what we would do with them.

"Bella, what did you want to do about the books? We can give them to Em and Rose or we can donate them to the library, if you'd like," I said, sitting down on the bed. Bella stopped packing and stood up to sit on the bed by me.

"I was thinking we could save them for the baby," she said as she absentmindedly rubbed her hand across her belly. I smiled at her and placed my hand over hers.

"That sounds like a great idea," I told her honestly. I was hoping she would say that but didn't want to bring it up myself. I still wasn't sure how to react about it towards her and I hated it.

"Are there any other things you wanted to save for the baby?" I asked her, hoping to get her to open up more to me. She fidgeted with her hands in her lap a bit.

"Honestly?" she said, looking at me. I nodded my head.

"No. It's not that I don't want to save the things, but I would like for this baby to have different things. I don't want us to always refer to the things as Lizzie's. This isn't coming out right," she said, slightly frustrated.

"No, baby. I understand and I totally get what you are saying," I told her, placing a gentle kiss on her temple. She yawned slightly and I glanced at my watch. We had been in here all morning and it was nearing lunch time.

"Why don't we go downstairs, take a break and get some lunch?" I said, standing up from the bed.

"Can you go ahead down? I'll be right behind you in a few minutes," she said, placing a kiss on my lips. I nodded and walked toward the door, pausing once I was out in the hall. I looked back in the room just as Bella lay down on Lizzie's bed, clutching the pink elephant tightly to her.

**BPOV**

_I must have fallen asleep because I now found myself standing in Charlie's house. I closed my eyes and sighed. I could hear the birds chirping outside. I could smell the scents of my childhood. I could smell my mom. The tears began to fall from my eyes before I could even think about stopping them. I heard footsteps coming from towards the kitchen and held my breath. When I opened my eyes I couldn't stop the sob that escaped my throat._

_"Mama," I said, my voice cracking. She held her arms out to me and I moved forward. She wrapped her arms around me tightly and rocked us back and forth as I let out all the emotions I had been holding on to for so long._

_"Baby girl," she said as she rubbed her hand up and down my back soothingly. "It's going to be all okay. You'll see. I promise."_

_"I miss you Mama. I miss you both so much. I miss her so much it hurts," I cried._

_"Shhh, baby. I know. Mama knows." She continued to speak soothingly to me as I calmed down. She pulled me away from her and looked at my face._

_"My baby girl has grown up. I'm so proud of you. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not proud of you," she said as she stroked my face lovingly._

_"But I've messed up. I've messed up so many things," I told her but she immediately interrupted me._

_"Now, I don't want to hear those things. You have done a wonderful job. You are a wonderful woman. You are a wonderful mother. Now, follow me upstairs. There is something I want to show you, before you have to go," she grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs behind her. We stopped in front of my closed childhood bedroom door._

_"Go ahead. Open it," my mom said, as she gestured towards the door. I reached for the knob, my hand trembling; I pushed the door open slowly. I gasped when I saw my daughter standing in front of me._

_"Mommy!" Elizabeth squealed and ran in my direction. I dropped to my knees just as my little girl bounced in front of me. She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck as I did the same. I rocked her back and forth as my mom had done to me moments before. I relished in holding my little girl in my arms, probably for the last time._

_"Baby, I missed you so much. Me and Daddy love and miss you so much." I said as I continued to cry and hold on to her tightly._

_"I missed you too Mommy. You and Daddy. But I've been having fun here with Grandma. Grandma takes care of me," she said as she pulled away. I looked behind me to see that my mom was no longer there. I turned back around to find Lizzie and my Mom standing in the middle of the room. My mom was cradling a tiny bundle wrapped in a blue blanket in her arms. I gasped and brought my hand to my stomach as I realized who that tiny bundle was._

_"Is that...?" I asked my Mom as she just nodded her head at me. Tears began to fall from my eyes again._

_"Grandma Renee will keep you for a little while and then we will send you down to be spoiled by Nana Esme and Papa C. I am sure Grandpa Charlie won't spoil you a bit," my Mom cooed at the tiny baby in her arms and then winked at me._

_"It's okay, Mommy" Lizzie replied, smiling widely at me. "Me and Grandma Renee will take great care of him until he's ready to meet you. I will be the bestest big sister ever."_

_"Yes you will be Baby Girl. Yes you will be," I told her proudly. My mom continued to rock the baby in her arms._

_"You've got to go back now, Bella. Edward's waiting for you. Just remember that we're always watching over you. This little guy will be there to meet you in no time"_

I gasped loudly and sat up straight in bed. I was breathing heavily, trying to catch my breath. Slowly a smile started to spread across my face. I had just gotten the greatest gift, even if it was in my dreams. I was able to hug and talk to, both my mom and my little girl, one last time.

I reached my hand down and rubbed across my belly.

"Hey there little guy. You have the greatest big sister and grandma a kid could ever ask for, did you know that?" I smiled and continued rubbing circles on my stomach. The door pushed open and Edward walked in holding a tray with sandwiches and some sodas. He looked at me questioningly and tilted his head sideways a bit. I chuckled a bit at his confused look.

"What?" I asked him, as he sat the tray down on the bed. He shook his head and sat down.

"Nothing, I think. It's just that you look totally different. I was downstairs for all of ten minutes and I come up to find my wife looking...peaceful." He placed and arm around my shoulders as I leaned into him.

"Is everything okay? Are you okay?" he asked me. I leaned back a bit so I could look him in the eyes. I placed a sweet, gentle kiss on his lips.

"I'm okay. Everything is going to be okay."


	19. Chapter 19

**BPOV**

The past several months had been what I like to call a roller coaster ride. My emotions had been all over the place. I would go from happy and laughing to angry or crying in a matter of seconds. I was nothing like this when I was pregnant with Lizzie. This had been a new experience for both Edward and me.

We continued to go see Dr. Marks, but now only once a month. She continued to give us homework assignments that were supposed to bring Edward and me closer. They were working because I had never felt as close to Edward as I did now.

Edward had even begun to see his own therapist, one that Jasper had recommended. We still attended several group therapy sessions, but didn't feel the need to attend them weekly as we had at the beginning. We were finally healing, together.

The hardest time for us had to have been around the anniversary of Lizzie's death. We had both shut down and pretty much failed to communicate with one another the closer it got to the actual day. Edward knew we were planning to go to her gravesite together as a family but he ended up being late. He was of course only late by about ten minutes but I blamed my actions on the pregnancy hormones entirely. I locked him out of our room that night and cried myself to sleep. He came upstairs the next morning and explained to me that the reason he had been late was that he stopped off at the florist to pick up some flowers for Lizzie. I apologized over and over again and cried in his arms while he held me tightly.

Another weird thing had happened. Tanya and I, as well as Edward and James, had become what you might call acquaintances. Edward and I had signed up for a couples Yoga pregnancy class and were surprised to find Tanya and James there. Turns out that Tanya had found out she was pregnant around the same time I had. Our due dates are only two weeks apart.

Tanya had her baby yesterday. I was due first. So here I sit, fat, bloated and feeling completely unsexy, two weeks overdue. Edward and I had tried everything; walking hadn't worked and neither had sex. This little guy just wasn't ready to be born yet. I hadn't told Edward about the dream I had that day in Lizzie's room. I had even told him that I didn't want to know the sex of the baby. He was okay with it. Alice on the other hand threw a complete fit since I ruined her chance at decorating a complete nursery for him.

I stood up from the couch and waddled my way into the kitchen. I usually didn't make it this far because Edward had refused to let me so much as cook anymore. But Edward was currently upstairs working on putting away some laundry. He refused to let me carry the basket upstairs so I thrust it into his chest and told him to do it himself. He kissed me and said he loved me and went about his way. He was learning.

I opened the refrigerator searching for something to snack on when my eyes went wide and I shouted into the quietness.

"Edward!"

**EPOV**

"Yeah, babe?" I said, as I carried the basket back downstairs to the laundry room. I finally learned how to keep peace in this household with a pregnant Bella. You just do whatever she says, whenever she says it. Some might call it pussy whipped, but I called it keeping my balls intact. Bella had become quite feisty since becoming pregnant. She was never like this with Lizzie so I was totally winging it.

"Is my bag packed for the hospital?" she asked me as I walked into the kitchen. I rolled my eyes, making sure not to let her see that. I had made that mistake months ago and she never let me live that down.

"Yes, baby. It's been packed and in the car for a month now. Why?" I asked her as I looked up at her. She was standing there, with the refrigerator door open, carton of orange juice in her hand, in a puddle of water. It took a few minutes for my brain to finally click and I panicked.

"Shit, yeah. Okay, let's go," I told her, pulling her towards the front door. She stood her ground firmly once we got into the foyer. I turned around to look at her wondering what on Earth the problem was. We both knew that the labor with second pregnancies moved much quicker, so we had to get a move on if her water had already broken.

"I don't know about you Edward, but I really think I need to take a quick shower. I don't like the feeling of being wet for these particular reasons." She smiled at me and I laughed, helping her upstairs to take a shower.

A quick shower and drive later, Bella was being wheeled into the delivery suite. Once she was settled in, I called everyone and let them know where we were. My dad was already at work here at the hospital so he was the first one to swing by and check on us.

"How's my favorite girl doing?" he asked Bella as he tried to casually take a peak at her chart. He couldn't help it; I had done the same thing earlier. It was the doctor in us.

"Oh, I'm doing fine Papa C. How about yourself?" Bella asked him, smiling. My father looked up at Bella with tears in his eyes. No one had called him Papa C since Lizzie had died.

"Doing pretty good. Figured I would swing by on my lunch break to check on you two. Looks like you are just getting started. I'll swing back by when I get off," he said, as he bent down and placed a kiss on Bella's forehead. I gave him a quick hug and he wished us luck.

A few minutes later Mom and Alice showed up. Rose was at home with Emily and Emmett was trying to get off work to get here in time. Mom hugged Bella and reminded her of what they talked about when she was in labor with Lizzie. Bella nodded and smiled, with tears in her eyes. Alice seemed unusually quiet every time Bella had a contraction. As a matter of fact, she looked scared to death.

"Alice, what's wrong? You seem scared to death." She ignored my question and walked over to Bella and held her hand. Once the contraction was over, she smiled at Alice and told her to sit beside her on the bed.

"Bella," Alice said quietly, "does it hurt really bad?" I was a little taken aback by Alice's questions. Usually she was the one that swept in after everything was over bearing balloons and gifts. She hadn't been there when Lizzie was born. As a matter of fact, we invited her to be in the room, but she adamantly refused.

"I'm not going to lie to you Alice, it hurts like hell. But when you hold that tiny baby in your arms, it makes it all worth it," Bella said. My mom nodded her head at Alice and then I heard her gasp loudly and Bella looked at Alice wide eyed. I, as usual, was completely lost.

"Are you?" Mom asked Alice. Alice nodded her head and the three of them squealed louder than a couple of kids at a damn teeny bopper concert. I was still lost until I heard Bella talking.

"Congratulations, Ali. How far along are you?" Bella asked her.

"I'm about eight weeks along. We had our first appointment last week," Alice told us all, smiling brightly. My sister was pregnant. I was going to be an uncle again. I walked over to Ali and hugged her tightly.

"Congrats, Ali. You are going to be a wonderful mother," I whispered in her ear. We broke apart when Bella let out a groan and the monitors started going wild. I broke away from Alice and went to take a look at the feed out from the machine.

"Bella, baby, I need you to roll over on your left side and see if that will relieve some of the stress the baby is in," I told her. My mom walked over and help Bella situate herself comfortably. I continued to watch the monitors but the change in position seemed to not be working.

The nurses rushed in and began checking the monitors as I had done earlier. I told them that I had Bella change her position but it didn't seem to be helping the baby's heart rate. Minutes later I found myself in scrubs standing by my wife's head as they performed an emergency c-section to deliver the baby.

I sat in the rocking chair by the window in Bella's hospital room, holding our son. I kept glancing from his face to Bella's waiting for her to wake up. She had been exhausted after the surgery and had been sleeping for a while. Carlisle had stopped by after his shift ended and assured me she would be fine, that her body was just recuperating. Charlie checked in once he was off from the station, bringing in some balloons and a bouquet of flowers for Bella. Jasper dropped by as well, offering his congratulations as I did the same for him. Mom and Alice stayed for a bit and once they knew everything was okay, they left saying they would be back in the morning. Emmett and Rose showed up a little later but had to leave soon after since they left Emily with a sitter.

"Hello Masen," I said quietly to the small bundle I held lovingly in my arms. He had indeed inherited my wild coppery locks and what looked like my bright green eyes. But his nose and mouth were all Bella. "You are going to be quite the little fighter aren't you? You scared us for a bit there, little guy." As soon as Bella was opened up, the doctors knew immediately the reason for his sudden drop in heart rate. The cord was wrapped around his tiny neck and cutting off the oxygen getting to his lungs. It had been close, but he was fine as soon as he was delivered.

I looked over to Bella as she began to stir. She opened her eyes and smiled at me when she saw me holding him. Her eyes began to close again and I figured she was still resting so I continued talking to Masen about anything and everything as he gripped my finger tightly. We had all the time in the world to talk but I would begin with the important things right now.

"Masen, there is someone very important that I think you should know about. Let me tell you all about your big sister, Lizzie."


	20. Future Shot

**EPOV**

"Damn Emmett," I said, placing another plate of burgers on the table, "do you think you can save some food for the rest of us?" We had a whole picnic table piled with all sorts of picnic type food. He had two plates, overflowing with food, in his hands as he made his way to where Rose was sitting.

"It's not all for me man. I gotta feed my growing boy," he said, sitting down and rubbing Rose's very prominent stomach. She was ready to pop any day now with their second child and Emmett was sure it was a boy.

"Yeah right," Jasper and Alice both said, laughing as they watched Emmett scowl at Rose for stealing a burger off one of the plates.

"Don't be so sure it's a boy," Rose said, as she took a bite of one of the burgers he had fixed. Emmett and Rose were currently the only ones without a son. Alice and Jasper had a son after Bella and I, and named him Carter Lee Whitlock. Jasper was obsessed with all things Civil War and chose to honor his son with the names of two of the men Jasper respected most in history, Ted Carter and Robert E. Lee. I am still wondering how he managed to get Alice to agree to that. I am sure it took lots of favors and bartering on his part. He had his father's blonde wavy hair and the brightest blue eyes I had ever of seen.

And course Bella and I had our son, Masen Alexander Cullen. He was almost four years old and the light of both of our lives. He had my copper colored hair and green eyes, but lots of Bella's mannerisms. He reminded me so much of his sister at that age that sometimes it hurt. But we had not forgotten our Lizzie.

That's why we were here in the park today. Every year since Masen was born, on Lizzie's birthday, we came here to the park to celebrate her. Our family gathered, ate and talked and were just together. And we celebrated the life of our little girl who was taken away way too early.

I sat down at the table and watched the kids play while everyone else talked and ate. Masen and Taylor had always been really tight since they were born so close together. Taylor was James and Tanya's son. If you'd asked me four years ago if my wife would be friends with the woman everyone once accused me of cheating on her with, I would have told you that you were crazy. But Tanya and Bella had become great friends, bonding with their newborns and the hurt they had once went through. They were able to understand each other in a way that a lot of people couldn't, and for that I was grateful.

Emily, Rose and Emmet's daughter, was like the mother hen of the group of children. Since she was the oldest, she was a tad bit bossy, not unlike her mother. But she did make sure that little Carter was included in everything, since most liked to leave him out since he was the youngest. I watched Emily push Carter on the swings for a bit before I was jolted by a terrified voice.

"Masen Alexander Cullen," Bella shouted across the park, as Masen sprinted away from the group towards the parking lot. I stood up in a panic for a second before I realized where he was headed.

"Grandpa Charlie," he shouted as he leaped into Charlie's arms. He hugged Masen tight to him, without dropping the fishing pole and tackle box he had gripped in his hands. I walked over to Bella and pulled her into my arms.

"He's okay. He's fine," I whispered into her ear and hugged her tightly. I sensed the panic in her voice when she shouted out our sons name across the park. It had happened a few times and I knew exactly how she was feeling. After what happened to Lizzie, Masen was never more than five feet away from her. I was the exact same way.

I remember the first time she had turned her back on him in the store and she thought he h'd disappeared. He had actually just crossed behind her and was standing in front of the cart while she was frantically looking behind her. She came home, holding Masen tightly to her, groceries long forgotten. She panicked and left everything in the cart. Masen slept with us that night and every night after for two weeks. After a couple of therapy sessions explaining her fear to the doctor and the doctor reassuring her it was normal, she had finally come to grips and let him go back to sleep in his own room.

"I know," she said as she pulled away from me, "its just hard sometimes. I just think the worst automatically." I kissed her gently on her forehead and walked with her back to the tables.

"I understand," I said as we walked up beside Charlie and Masen. Masen held his own fishing pole that Charlie had bought him for his last birthday. Charlie has instilled a love for everything outdoors in our son. Rather than sit inside and watch videos like a lot of kids nowadays, Masen would rather be outside, fishing or digging for worms.

"Grandpa Charlie's gonna take me fishin' at the pond," he said proudly as he held his grandpa's hand. Charlie just laughed and nodded his head. He bent down and whispered something in his ear and Masen's face lit up.

"Papa C," he said as he bounced over to my dad. All the kids, even Emily, had taken to calling my dad Papa C since Lizzie had christened him with that name. My dad's face brightened every time one of his grandchildren called him that.

"What can I do for you little man?" he asked, as Masen climbed in his lap, still holding tightly to his fishing pole.

"Grandpa Charlie's takin' me fishin' and we wanna know if you wanna go?" he said, smiling widely at him. My dad starting laughing at Masen's enthusiasm and we couldn't help but all laugh as well.

"Abso-freakin-lutely," he said standing and placing Masen on his shoulders. The three of them walked over and asked the other kids if they wanted to join in and evidently they all agreed because they were now following behind the older men, like ducks in a row.

After a little more conversing with the adults **,** Bella and I began to clean things up before we continued on with the rest of our tradition. After a little bit longer, CHarlie and Carlisle made their way back, joining us at the picnic tables. Masen came running over to me, jumping on my lap.

Esme walked around and handed everyone a light pink balloon as Bella stood at the head of the table. This was often the hardest part of the day.

"Thank you again everyone for coming here this year to help us celebrate Lizzie. I know she's probably having her own little party up there with my mom right now and is watching over us, as she does every day. We love you, Baby Girl," Bella said as she wiped a few tears from her eyes.

We all stood up, balloons in hand looking towards the sky.

"Happy Birthday Lizzie," we all cheered as we released the balloons towards the heavens. Masen still held tightly to his balloon as he did every year. He wanted to make sure his sister knew which balloon was his he once told me.

"Happy birthday Sissy," he said finally letting go of his balloon. He turned his face up towards to sky and blew a big kiss up in the air. "I love you!"

I reached over to Bella and wrapped my arm around her as I still held tightly to my son. This was a celebration but it was still a little hard for us at times. We held tightly to one another for a few minutes and watched the balloons float up further and further until they were no longer in sight.

A few hours later, we were finally pulling in the driveway of our home. I figured Masen would be out like a light but before we left Esme had decided to walk all the kids over to the icecream truck that had ridden past the park. He was now on a sugar rush and was probably ready to go for a little while longer.

I helped Bella carry all the leftovers into the house while Masen sat on the floor in the living room playing with some cars. Once everything was put away I walked into the living room and stood in the doorway and watched him. He loved to play with others but he was quite content on playing by himself as well. He was a lot like his sister in that way. I would often come home when Lizzie was little and watch her as she played quietly alone talking to her stuffed animals as she pretended to have a tea party.

"Okay big guy," I said squatting down to begin to put away some of the toys, "It's time to head on up and get a bath and get into bed." He whined a bit at first but when he looked at me and saw the eyebrow I had raised at him he agreed and helped me clean up the mess.

We walked up stairs together and I told Masen to go ahead and pick out a pair of pajamas and meet me in the bathroom. I walked over to our bedroom and saw Bella lying back on the bed, looking completely exhausted.

"I'm gonna go get him ready for bed, why don't you do the same?" I said to her kissing her gently on the forehead. I moved to get up but she wrapped her arms tightly around me and pulled me down to her kissing me passionately. I moaned into her mouth as her hands went into my hair, pulling gently. After a few moments of heated making out, we pulled apart just as the our son entered the room.

"Daddy, will you tell me a story about Lizzie tonight?" he asked me as I stood up from the bed. I laughed a bit and ruffled his hair as we walked out the door to get him ready for bed.

**BPOV**

My son knew he didn't need to ask his father to tell him a story about his sister tonight. Since the first night he was born in the hospital, Edward had been telling stories to Masen about Lizzie every night. No matter how many times he had heard the story before, Masen never tired of hearing about his older sister's adventures. I was sometimes included in these story times, but most of the time I let it be a father and son type thing. I often shared things with Masen during the day about his sister. Little things would pop into my head while we were at the library or out shopping and I would tell Masen and his eyes would light up as he was told more about his big sister.

I stood up from the bed and walked into the bathroom, stripping out of my clothes along the way. I really was too tired for a shower tonight so I just grabbed a washcloth and began to wash the makeup from my face. After brushing my teeth I stood back up and felt a strong pair of arms wrap around me.

"He asleep already?" I asked him as he placed his hands on the bump of my belly that seemed to have expanded overnight.

"Yeah. I can't believe no one noticed today. I half expected Alice to scream out loud when she figured it out," he said laughing a little. I was currently around 12 weeks pregnant and we decided early on that we wouldn't tell anyone until after today. We both just wanted everyone's concentration to be on Lizzie today and to celebrate her. There would be plenty of time to celebrate a new baby later.

"Well Dr. Cullen," I said, spinning around to face him, "I wasn't exactly walking around in my bra and panties today now was I?"

"You sure as hell were not," he said growling as he bit down lightly on my shoulder. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my throat as he continued nipping and sucking at the expanse of my neck.

He rubbed his hands up and down my naked back as he continued to kiss my shoulders and neck. I brought my hand in between us and started undoing the buttons of his shirt as he popped the clasp on my bra, dragging the straps down my shoulders.

"God, you are too fucking sexy," he said as I pushed his shirt from his body. He grabbed both breasts in his hands and pinched the nipples between his thumb and forefinger until I was moaning his name aloud. He knew that with this pregnancy, my nipples had become extremely sensitive and during times like these he tended to use it to his advantage.

As he brought his mouth down to nibble gently on my nipple, I reached my hands down and undid the buckle of his pants. I pushed his pants and boxers down as far as I could with my hands before reaching up with my foot to push them down the rest of the way. He wobbled a bit trying to kick the pants off his feet and I couldn't help but giggle. Once he finally had the pants off of his feet, he stood before me completely naked and looked at me hungrily.

"You think that's funny do you Mrs. Cullen?" he asked me, grabbing me by my ass and hoisting me up until I wrapped my legs around his waist. I kissed him passionately as he walked us out of the bathroom and over to the bed, lowering us down until he hovered above me.

"I asked you a question baby," he whispered in my ear as he kissed his way down my neck. He licked a trail down between my breasts and stopped to look directly in my eyes.

"Not gonna answer me **?** " he questioned as he continued to kiss and nibble his way down my body. All I could do was moan as he placed a gentle kiss on my clit. Sticking his tongue out, he placed one long lick along my sex, I almost fell apart at the sensation.

"God, Edward, that feels so fucking good," I moaned as he sucked my clit into his mouth and inserted two fingers. His fingers gently pushed in and out of me as he continued sucking and biting gently.

"You taste so fucking sweet baby," he moaned before lowering his mouth back down to me. He pushed his fingers in and out at a faster pace and suddenly I felt my muscles begin to clench around his fingers.

"That's right beautiful," he said as he continued, "come." As I came down from my high, he kissed a trail up my body until he was kissing me passionately. I could taste myself on him and it just made me want him all the more.

"Please Edward," I moaned into his mouth, "please." He rubbed his erection against my already sensitive clit and I arched my back at the stimulation.

"Please what baby? Tell me what you want," he said, continuing to thrust against me.

"Fuck me baby, please," I moaned. He didn't tease me any longer and thrust into me completely in one move. We both moaned at the satisfaction of finally being joined together. After a few moments of Edward not moving inside me, probably to gain control of his pending orgasm, he began to slowly drive into me.

"You feel so damn good baby. So fucking good every damn time," he moaned into my ear as he continued thrusting in and out of me pushing me closer and closer to another orgasm. His movements became erratic as his orgasm became inevitable.

"Come for me Baby, I need you to come for me," he said, placing his hand in between us and rubbing at my clit. My orgasm pulsed through me and I bit into Edward's shoulder to keep from screaming out loud and waking Masen.

After a few more thrusts, Edward followed me over the edge and buried his head in my neck, moaning my name. He lowered his body resting a bit of his weight on me, trying to catch his breath. Once both of our breaths evened out, he rolled off of me and pulled me so that my head was lying on his shoulder.

"That was amazing baby," he said, kissing me on the forehead and rubbing his hand up and down the naked skin of my back. I turned my head up and kissed him on the lips moaning in approval.

"Yes, it really was. I had been dying to do that all day. You are loving these pregnancy hormones aren't you? " I asked, laughing, he joined in and nodded his head. We laid there in the quiet of the night for a few minutes longer until he finally spoke again

."I still can't believe that no one noticed today. I figured as much as you've begun to show now, that at least one of the girls would've noticed," he said placing his hand on my abdomen.

"Well, that was one of the reasons I wore such a baggy shirt today. I really wanted everyone to concentrate on Lizzie. So, when do you think we should tell them? Sometime this week, probably?" I said running my hand up and down the smooth planes of his naked chest.'

"Yeah, this week sounds good. So, have you thought of any names yet? I saw you looking online the other day at the baby name website."

"Actually I have. I like Matthew for a boy and Abigail for a girl. I am pretty sure it is a girl though," I smiled up at him.

"What, did you have another dream?" he asked me. I shook my head no. I had finally told him about my dream of Lizzie after Masen had been born.

"So, why those names then?" he questioned me as he continued rubbing my back up and down.

"Well, I have always thought Matthew was a beautiful name. It means a reward. And Abigail, I am truly fond of. It means the father's joy. And lets face it, if she is your daughter she will definitely be your joy. Not saying that Masen isn't, but there is just something about fathers and their daughters," I told him, placing a quick kiss on his lips.

"That there is," he said hugging me tightly to him. "I really like both of those names. Now we just need to figure out middle names." We both laughed a little because that had been the hardest part in naming Masen. We could never agree on a middle name that we both liked.

"Not tonight though," he said, "we've got a little bit longer to figure it out."

"Yes, we do," I told him snuggling into his side for the night. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you, Bella."


	21. Outtake from end of Ch 16

_That was fun," Bella admitted, before taking a bite of her food. I smiled at her widely._

_"It was, wasn't it?" She nodded her head and smiled. We continued eating and talking, and just simply enjoying each other, something that we hadn't done in a very long time._

_Once we were done, I paid the bill and we casually walked back to the car. I went to open the door for her but before she got in, she turned to me, "Thank you, Edward. Not for the meal, but for everything. It felt so good to be able to laugh again. So, thank you."_

_I smiled and kissed her lightly on the lips then letting my forehead rest against hers, I gazed into her eyes and sighed. "I feel the same exact way, baby." I kissed her again, with a little more passion then wrapped my arms tightly around her._

_We had made progress today. We weren't fully healed but we were getting there...together._

Once we were back at home, I wasn't quite ready to end the fun we had been having today so I decided to bring up something we hadn't done in a while.

"Hey, Bella," I said as we both kicked off our shoes by the front door and made our way into the living room, "how about we have a movie day?" We hadn't had a movie day in a very long time, probably since before Lizzie was born. Bella and I would cut off our cellphones, take the house phone off the hook and basically cut ourselves off from reality. We would sit on the couch with a huge bowl of popcorn, sodas and candy piled on the coffee table in front of us and watch movie after movie all afternoon.

"Edward," she said grinning widely at me, "I think that sounds like an awesome idea! But I have one condition." I smirked at her knowing full and well what her condition was. I had a feeling I would be sitting all afternoon watching chick flicks but I couldn't think of a better way to spend my day.

"And what condition might that be?" I said laughing.

"I get to pick the movies and you make the popcorn," she said triumphantly. I shook my head at her as I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug, kissing her on the forehead.

"Anything you say, baby." I walked into the kitchen, put some popcorn in the microwave and searched the cabinets for any junk food we might have. Grabbing a couple of sodas out of the fridge, I gathered it all in my arms and made my way back into the living room.

Placing it down on the coffee table, I pulled my cell phone out and cut it off. I laid it down on the side table noticing Bella had already done the same with hers. I walked to the linen closet in the hallway and grabbed a large blanket, big enough for both Bella and I to be covered with.

A few minutes later we were snuggled on the couch with a blanket covering us and a huge bowl of popcorn resting on our laps. I was right when I said Bella would pick a chick flick. We were currently watching Titanic and Bella already informed me that up next was the 1996 version of Romeo and Juliet. I think she had a thing for Leonardo DiCaprio but I wasn't saying anything.

I looked over at Bella during the emotional scene of Rose telling Jack she'd never let go and saw that she was crying, as usual at this part, and pulled her tightly to me kissing her on her temple. I never understood why women liked to watch movies over and over again that brought out such emotions in them, but what did I know.

Once Titanic was over, I placed the bowl on the table and stood to put in the next DVD and heard Bella sigh behind me. Turning around, I saw her biting her lip in thought. I had no idea what had brought this look on, but I knew I needed to get her to open up. We had gotten so good at communication lately and I didn't want to ruin our day.

"What's the matter baby?" I asked her, sitting back down beside her after loading the movie.

"Edward, do you think after we watch this movie we could go and visit Lizzie? I mean, I have been there a few times alone and we haven't been there together since she was buried and I figured today would be a good day since we're both off and hanging around home..." she rambled on while looking down at her hands fidgeting in her lap. I pulled her hands into mine and she looked at me nervously.

"I think that sounds like a great idea baby. We haven't been together yet. Why don't we stop by the florist and pick up some flowers to put out?" I asked her.

"That sounds good," she said, leaning back and getting comfortable again on the couch, "now hit play. I've got more Leo to feast on." I laughed at her, shaking my head and hit play on the remote.

A couple of hours later we were buckled in the car making our way to the graveyard. We stopped at the local florist on the way out and Bella had picked out a nice bouquet of pink tulips for Lizzie and I had gotten a small bear they had that was dressed as a ballerina.

I pulled into the parking area at the cemetery and looked over at Bella. She was already fighting to keep the tears that had welled up in her eyes from falling. I reached across the console of the car and pulled her hand up to my mouth kissing it.

"Are you ready, Sweetheart?" I asked her, pushing a stray piece of hair behind her ear. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and nodded her head.

I walked around to her side of the car and opened the door, helping her out. We walked hand in hand to the small plot where our baby girl rested. We had purchased a granite bench to sit to the side of Lizzie's gravesite. The headstone we had chosen pictured a small angel resting her head on a pillow and engraved it with _"Blossomed on Earth to Bloom in Heaven."_

Bella and I knelt down by the headstone, our hands still joined. She brushed away some of the leaves that had fallen atop of it and placed the flowers on the ground in front. I placed the bear on top of the marker and lightly brushed my fingers across her name. It was still so hard to believe that our baby girl was gone. I still sometimes expected to walk in the front door, home from an exhausting day of work, and have her leap into my arms and hug me tightly.

Bella stood up from the ground and walked the few steps over to the bench and sat down. I followed behind her, tears flowing down my cheeks, and pulled her into my arms as she began sobbing.

"I miss her so much Edward," she cried into my chest, "I miss her so much that it hurts."

She gripped my shirt tightly as she continued crying. I ran my hands up and down her back, trying to comfort her and myself. I knew I needed to be strong for her but seeing her in so much pain, and feeling my pain as well, made it hard to keep my emotions under control.

"I know baby, God I know," I choked out, "I miss her too." I continued to hold Bella in my arms and offer her what little comfort I could. After a few moments, Bella pulled away and laid her head on my shoulder. I turned and placed a kiss on her head and held her hand tightly in mine.

"It's so peaceful here," she whispered. And it truly was. All you could hear was the sound of birds chirping and when the wind blew you could hear the tinkling of wind chimes that some loved ones had placed on other graves.

"It is. I think we picked a wonderful spot for her," I told her. The spot we chose was shaded by a huge oak tree and had the perfect spot for the granite bench we insisted upon.

After sitting a while in the peace and quiet, Bella stood again and walked to the head stone. She knelt down and kissed her fingers, placing them on Lizzie's name.

"I love you baby girl. Mommy misses you very much. You have a good time up there with Grandma Renee, baby," she said, tears falling once again from her eyes. I knelt down beside her and placed a kiss on my fingers as Bella had done. What I wouldn't give to be able to hold my sweet girl in my arms again and never let her go.

"I Love you Angel. Daddy misses you everyday," I whispered through my tears. We both stood and I pulled Bella tightly to me.

"I love you," I whispered in her ear as I held her. She whispered her love to me as well before we pulled apart and walked back to our car. After a few quiet moments in the car I realized I honestly didn't want to end the day on such a somber note so I decided to ask Bella what she wanted to do.

"Well, I am not all that hungry since we ate all that popcorn and junkfood during our movie fest," she said, laughing a bit. It was good to see her laugh after what we had just went through. I was glad she wasn't pulling away and retreating into her mind. "But I could go for some ice cream."

"Ice cream it is," I said, as I pulled away from the lot and headed to the ice cream parlor in town.

"I'll have two scoops of strawberry ice cream and two scoops of chocolate," I told the young man behind the counter. After paying for our treat, I walked over to Bella, handing her the cone of strawberry ice cream. We settled into the booth in the corner and begin to eat our ice cream before it melted into a sloppy mess.

"Mmmmmm," Bella moaned as she licked her cone seductively. Although I am not sure she meant it to be like that. It had just been a while since we had been together and I was seeing everything she did lately as sexy. Hell, we weren't even sleeping in the same bed so I was pretty damn sure I wasn't getting lucky any damn time soon.

"Good isn't it?" I asked her, trying to get my mind on a different train of thought. She nodded her head, smiling at me and continued to eat her ice cream. When she let some drip down her hand and bent her head down to slowly lick it off. I might have moaned out loud.

"What?" she asked, looking at me questioningly. I really didn't need to bring up my concerns and hopes that I would be able to join her and share our bed once again right now.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head at her and trying to adjust myself in my pants secretively when she turned her attention back to her cone. After a few more torturous minutes of watching Bella eat, we were all done and I got up, throwing away the napkins we had used. We walked back to the car, hand in hand, the silence seeming very peaceful.

"Edward," she said as we settled back in the car, "today was really great." I leaned over and kissed her sweetly and brushed my hand across her cheek.

"It was," I agreed. "It's been a while since we had a really good day and I think this was definitely one. I think we should make days like today a regular thing. What do you think?"

"I think that sounds like a great idea," she told me, as I pulled back onto the road, heading home.

We both walked inside and discarded our shoes by the front door and walked into the living room. Even though we had spent the whole day together, I still wasn't ready to separate from my wife as we went to different bedrooms. I missed falling asleep at night with my wife in my arms and having her beautiful face be the first thing I saw in the mornings. Deciding I definitely wasn't ready to let go yet, I walked over to the stereo in the room, searched for the song I wanted and placed the CD in the player.

As the music and words of Edwin McCain's I Could Not Ask For More floated through the air, I walked over to Bella and stopped in front of her.

"Dance with me?" I asked her as she smiled shyly at me. She took my offered hand as I led her to the middle of our living room. I held her tightly to me as we danced slowly, lost in memories. I couldn't help but remember the last time I had danced with my wife to this song.

_I pulled Bella to stand beside me as everyone gathered around the now empty dance floor. She grinned at me shyly as she gathered the long white train in her hand, leading us both to the middle of the room. She looked so beautiful today, dressed in the elegant white gown. Her hair was pulled up top of her head, a few brown tendrils hanging down around her face. Her cheeks were colored crimson as she blushed from all the attention placed on her today. She was never one who liked to be the center of attention, but there was no way she could avoid it today._

_"I love you Mrs. Cullen," I whispered in her ear as we danced slowly in front of all our family and friends. Today had been the greatest day of my life as I married the woman standing before me. I had dreamed of this day for so long and it was hard to believe it was finally here._

_"I love you too, Mr. Cullen," she whispered in my ear, placing a small kiss on the skin below it. We continued dancing to the song we had chosen for our first dance, as our guests began to join us._

_"This has been the best day. It was better than I ever could have imagined," she told me as I held her tightly to my body, "I'll remember this day for the rest of my life." I pulled back to look at her as more tears flowed from her eyes. She had been crying off and on all day, emotions running rampant._

_"Every dream I have ever had came true today. I am so blessed to have you as my wife," I told her kissing her passionately, forgetting where we were. She pulled back a bit and giggled as there were several whistles from the crowd._

"What are you thinking about?" Bella asked me, pulling me from my memories. I smiled at her, kissing her slowly, yet with just as much passion as I had on our wedding day. I pulled away from her smirking at her dreamy looking state.

"Our wedding day," I told her as she nodded her head.

"Me too. That was such a wonderful day. I can remember it like it was yesterday. We've been through so much, but we're still here, together," she said, placing her head back on my chest.

"Yes, together," I whispered as the song finished. Bella pulled back and kissed me sweetly on the lips before stepping away.

"I'm gonna head up to bed," she said quietly before walking up stairs. I couldn't help the look of rejection that crossed my face as I nodded and watched her walk away. I was hoping somehow today might have changed something for us, but evidently it didn't. I would still be going to sleep in the guest room, wishing I was lying in bed with my wife. While I knew we wouldn't be having sex, I still couldn't help wishing I could join her.

I waited a few minutes and walked upstairs to get ready for bed. Before walking into the guest bedroom, I paused and took one last glance at our bedroom. Turning to walk inside my room, I heard Bella whisper my name. I turned back around and saw Bella standing in the doorway of our room, dressed in her pajama pants and tank top.

"Come to bed," she said, motioning her head towards the bed in the room...our room. I smiled and walked towards our room.

"Okay."

I was suddenly extremely nervous for some reason and I think Bella could sense it. She pulled down the comforter on her side of the bed and climbed inside. Wiggling her body down the bed until she was comfortably situated, she looked over to me, cocking her head

sideways.

"Are you gonna sleep in your clothes Edward?" she asked me, smirking. I ran my hands through my hair nervously as I looked at her. I hadn't been this nervous since the first time Bella and I had made love. I didn't know what was expected of me and it was a little disconcerting.

"I just didn't...I thought..." I stuttered out, wondering what I should do. As I babbled on aimlessly I noticed Bella shift her eyes down, looking at her hands folded across her stomach.

"I just want you to hold me Edward. I don't want to sleep alone," she whispered into the quiet night. With a new found confidence at Bella's words, I nodded my head and pulled my t-shirt off, followed by my pants, leaving me in my boxers. I climbed in bed beside her and pulled her to me, resting her head on my chest. She sighed peacefully as she settled herself against my body and ran her hand along the expanse of my naked chest.

"I love you Edward," she said placing a small kiss on my chest, above my heart. I smiled to myself even though she couldn't see it. I knew that today we had made yet another breakthrough in healing our relationship and I couldn't wait to make more. I ran my hand along her back and placed a kiss on top of her head.

"I love you too, baby."


End file.
